I made my kids pay for the food they took

[piqueen]

Did I go too far?
I took their Christmas money to replace the sweets and treats they took. We do a big shop once a month and I buy all the chocolates/ crisps and other cupboard bits for the month. These are for lunchboxes for the kids, dh and for picnics on the weekend (or pack lunches for days out) , also biscuits and breakfast bars. You know, the good stuff?
I did the shop on the 1st and by the 3rd I thought, the cupboard looked a bit empty on the 3rd (so 2 days) and by the 6th I definitely knew something was up.
The boxes of cereal bars were empty (but still stacked so first glance there is non missing), all the chocolate had gone, the biscuits had been opened and eaten.

me and dh did a big clear out of their room and moved the furniture around. We found all the evidence, evidence which included loads of fridge snacks too. Frubes, cheesestring, baby bell which the wax has got stuck in the carpet.
I was so pissed off i took the kids Xmas money and have been using it to replace the items for DHs lunch only. The kids are having no treats in their lunch and I'm only buying fruit.

The reason we do a big shop is because I don't drive so I get a taxi once a month to keep costs down. (it's cheaper to shop at aldi and pay £10 once a month than shop in sainsburies every week, so I bulk buy aldi and top up at the more expensive shop) The kids have obviously been doing this for some time as there was so much rubbish behind and under the wardrobe.

It's been 2 weeks since I took their money but I feel so guilty. They only get a little bit (it was £40 between them) and they are only 9 and 10 but, also they stole a month's worth of treats for everyone (dh works in a physical job so he gets easy bars he can stick I his pocket, sometimes he is doing a 12 hour shift, very labour intensive and no chance to nip to mcdonalds)

I'm going back and forth between
'actions have consequences' and
'kids will be kids'

I don't even know if the lesson has sunk in because they have been eating loads of fruit instead now which is better but obviously costs more than chocolate bars and the price if everything is going up I'm wondering if I'm being too harsh

Yabu - give the money back
Yanbu - they should pay for the food they took

As well as the biscuits, chocolate and crisps the kids are also taking yoghurt, cereal bars and cheese. I don’t think it’s necessarily as simple as kids can’t control themselves with sweets.

I think it's a bit mean. I have two teen/tweenagers who guzzle down snacks. They are just permanently hungry. They don't lie to me about it or hide it though, and although my son eats more junk than I'd like, he buys most of that with his pocket money while I try and balance what's available at home and ensure they're eating healthily. Can you have a conversation with them about why they took the snacks and come to some sort of compromise about what they're allowed to help themselves to and what they're not?

I understand why you are annoyed - but I think YABU for applying 'punishment' consequences twice. You are taking the money from them AND not giving them the treats. I think it would have been fair enough to tell them they won't be getting any more until the next time you do the monthly shop - but taking the money off them is very unreasonable in my view - unless you did use it to buy more treats for them for the rest of the month and even then, I think just telling them they won't get any more for the rest of the month would have been the best way to go

I would also have a talk with them about why they did that - or look at what you are feeding them at meal times? Or both. Kids will be kids though and if they ate all that in a few days sounds like there is something else going on. Don't leave the treats where the kids can get at them in future

Fully agree with this. When I read the thread title, I thought they’d stolen food from a store, not taken it from a cupboard in their own home.
I would talk to them and try to figure out if they were hungry or what other issues there might be.

It's clear that the children feel the need for something to eat when they get home from school. Could they have something like a thick slice of bread with peanut butter, or a banana sandwich or a lump of cheese and an apple, something like that?

Chocolate bars, cereal bars and crisps won't be providing them with any nutrition, even though they may crave those things. My advice would be to stop buying them, so that the temptation isn't sitting there in the cupboard. If the children are hungry then they can eat something a bit more wholesome?

Finally, Baby Bels are a very expensive way of buying cheese. Why not get a huge slab of cheddar instead and just cut portions from that when needed?

This is actually a really great idea. I will try this. Thank you 😊

Well, this is a funny one - both the OP and some of the replies! Doubt your kids are starved but there's the temptation in the cupboard and they couldn't resist! So, lock on the cupboard or a separate box kept out of their reach. Allow them a mix of treats and healthier snacks which you either ration/control or say here's your share and when it's gone it's gone. Do they need more food?

Most importantly have a proper chat about shared food, costs, honesty etc. I'd be worried about encouraging disordered eating habits like binging, hiding evidence and all that so be careful. Also, I'd return their money if they maintain good behaviour, sometime soon.

You are ridiculous and quite frankly cruel

I think the fact they are sneaking yogurt and cheese is worrying. I think a conversation needs to had about why they are doing this and not punishing them for it. Does sound like they are a bit hungry.

I can understand needing lunch box items for a whole month and not wanting them to disappear. Keep them out of the kitchen. Yes, I think you should give the money back.

You charged them £40 for food between the 1st and 6th???

Yeah, I would never do this. But I often find I am completely out of step with MN.

How many times on here do we read at Christmas that posters have bought tins of quality street early and have eaten the whole tin in November or eaten Easter eggs early. Yet we expect our children to have stronger will power than us adults. If you don't want your children to eat all the snacks in one go then don't bulk buy.

This is why I don't buy chocolate on a Monday as a treat for the following weekend, because I would eat it straight away.

Very reasonable, when I don't get enough money, I resort to stealing it.

What makes you imagine that OP is starving her children?

Stole? Wtf.

But you have the option to go out and buy food. OP's children's food is the food that is in their house. They have no other source of food or means to get it. So it's odd to see it as "stealing".

This is what I’m wondering! Where are you and DP and how often do you clean (or check they have cleaned) their rooms?!🤔

yes I didn't realise it is a double punishment but it is isn't it?

I like the idea of earning it back. I didn't want to just give it back as that would show I was wrong to punish them but they ate a massive amount of treats over a few days. I don't have fhe money to replace it.

They have sandwiches and cheese and crackers or fruit after school (depending on whether we are have chicken nuggets that take 20 mins to cook or a roast that will be an hour and a half) and then dinner and sometimes something after. They aren't starved. Only on mumsnet will a mother be accused of neglect for restricting Sweets and chocolate.

thank you!
it's chocolate not bloody bread!

How come they still had their (fairly meagre) Christmas money left in march? Are they allowed to spend it?

Only on mumsnet do people call children thieves for eating food out of the cupboard in their own homes.

Only on mumsnet will a mother be accused of neglect for restricting Sweets and chocolate

But they also "stole" frubes and cheese.

Probably because they know that they’re not allowed to eat all the snacks in one go, so they hid the evidence?

Absolutely agree. It's so bloody weird.

Especially yoghurt and cheese!

I was that child that would sneak snacks and eat them in secret. It was rarely because I was hungry, it was because I was bored and greedy.

I don't think you should give the money back. If there is stuff that is more convenient for your DH then buy that and keep it somewhere the kids don't know about for him.

Cut down on the "treat" food for the kids and let them know that when the good stuff is gone it's gone until the next shopping trip.

They are stuffing themselves on treats because they realised that they could. They are hiding wrappers and leaving empty boxes in the cupboard because they know what they are doing is wrong.
Of course they aren't being bloody starved. Why do some people on here just have to try to make others feel shit?
In a household where the shopping is being done once a month then of course everyone needs to realise that and understand that they can't stuff themselves on a month's worth of treats in a few days. If you need to lock some stuff away Op, then do it. As for taking the money, I would have probably taken it and spent a bit to teach them a lesson, but then given it back. Sit them down and explain why it can't happen again.

It will be a bit costly buying loads of fruit for snacks. How about a loaf of bread and some stuff to put on/in it and less fruit? If they're hungry that will fill a hole.
All these people bleating away that children should have free access to eat whatever they want. No wonder there are so many overweight children and adults.