I made my kids pay for the food they took

[piqueen]

Did I go too far?
I took their Christmas money to replace the sweets and treats they took. We do a big shop once a month and I buy all the chocolates/ crisps and other cupboard bits for the month. These are for lunchboxes for the kids, dh and for picnics on the weekend (or pack lunches for days out) , also biscuits and breakfast bars. You know, the good stuff?
I did the shop on the 1st and by the 3rd I thought, the cupboard looked a bit empty on the 3rd (so 2 days) and by the 6th I definitely knew something was up.
The boxes of cereal bars were empty (but still stacked so first glance there is non missing), all the chocolate had gone, the biscuits had been opened and eaten.

me and dh did a big clear out of their room and moved the furniture around. We found all the evidence, evidence which included loads of fridge snacks too. Frubes, cheesestring, baby bell which the wax has got stuck in the carpet.
I was so pissed off i took the kids Xmas money and have been using it to replace the items for DHs lunch only. The kids are having no treats in their lunch and I'm only buying fruit.

The reason we do a big shop is because I don't drive so I get a taxi once a month to keep costs down. (it's cheaper to shop at aldi and pay £10 once a month than shop in sainsburies every week, so I bulk buy aldi and top up at the more expensive shop) The kids have obviously been doing this for some time as there was so much rubbish behind and under the wardrobe.

It's been 2 weeks since I took their money but I feel so guilty. They only get a little bit (it was £40 between them) and they are only 9 and 10 but, also they stole a month's worth of treats for everyone (dh works in a physical job so he gets easy bars he can stick I his pocket, sometimes he is doing a 12 hour shift, very labour intensive and no chance to nip to mcdonalds)

I'm going back and forth between
'actions have consequences' and
'kids will be kids'

I don't even know if the lesson has sunk in because they have been eating loads of fruit instead now which is better but obviously costs more than chocolate bars and the price if everything is going up I'm wondering if I'm being too harsh

Yabu - give the money back
Yanbu - they should pay for the food they took

Children SHOULD have the amount of sweets and chocolate they have restricted! who could honestly think otherwise!
When I was growing up, sweets were not restricted, there was always a bowl of candies andchocolate around - which meant I wasn't that interested and barely ate any. Worked well, so I'm doing the same with my kids. There is a snack cupboard and they can help themselves. They do occasonally (and have never seen the need to hide the wrappers), but will much rather eat fruit or make themselves a sandwich. Make it a forbidden treat and of course it's suffenly much more interesting.

It isn't just sweets, baby bel and cheese strings are cheese funnily enough.

Dc get to choose 'snack bag' stuff here with the weekly shop (usually 6 pack of crisps and maybe box of cereal bars/multipack choc). They have their own space to stash in the kitchen. They self regulate, don't take things from others and know when it's gone it's gone. We did have teething troubles with this initially I won't lie but it's been working for a number of years now.
They have unlimited fruit/yoghurt/cheese & crackers access.

So the big man of the house could have a maccies for lunch if he liked or could fit it into his busy day, but your children can’t help themself to a bit of cheese out the fridge?

Maybe this worked with your child but crucially not every child is the same.
Mine would be stuffing their face every day if I left a bowl of chocolates or crisps lying on the side.

The fact you call the children taking food to eat as "stealing" food, is alarming

I didn't allow our son just to take food when he wanted it. We were on a very tight budget and could not afford for him to just help himself to whatever he wanted when ever he wanted it, but then I don't get the snacking thing between meals. It wasn't how I was brought up!

He was fed good healthy food at breakfast, lunch and dinner. If he wanted something outside of those times he just asked. If it was closer to meal time he had to wait, if not and he was genuinely hungry he was allowed extra fruit or porridge or toast, even during the locust years!

I too would have been furious if he had taken food without asking, particularly if it was supposed to have lasted the whole month. I think in that situation he would have had no treats all month and I would find a way to make him understand the value of money, so that cereal bar cost £1 you have to do so many minutes worth of washing up to pay for that(type of thing). Another thing you could try is give them money to buy their own treats for the month and once it is gone it is gone.

They didn't ask you and then tried to cover up what they did. They knew it was wrong or else why hide the wrappers? I'm with you on this in calling it stealing and I would be making a huge thing about the fact they took something without asking when they knew it wasn't theirs. I wonder how many of the previous posters would be happy with their kids taking money without asking, why is it different just because it's food?

How did they manage to take and eat that much food, in such a short time without being noticed? Are they just left to their own devices all the time? If so, then they are clearly bored. If they were entertained/busy then they wouldn’t have the time or inclination to eat as much.

I think taking their Christmas money is bad but yes, they should pay it back out of pocket money.

At their age I found that if I pinched biscuits from the tin it wasn't noticed. Until it was. DF sat me and my siblings down and said if the biscuit stealing didn't stop our pocket money would. That was the only thing he said.

When I was growing up we had 'treat' yoghurt and cheese etc for lunchboxes or picnics etc, and 'everyday' versions. So the treat stuff would be Cheese Strings, Dairylea Dunkers, Frubes, Muller Corners etc, whereas the everyday stuff would be e.g. a big pot of strawberry yoghurt or whatever to be portioned up and a block of cheddar.

Guess which ones I would prefer, and yes, steal, if I could get away with it?? Not all cheese and yoghurt is equal in the eyes of a child!

Sounds like somebody should be alerting social services to the regime in your house. Kids having to steal food and their Christmas money taken to pay for it. Or maybe a course in parenting skills.

Wouldn;t it be easier to just not have that amount of junk in the house? I see the OP doesn't have a car. Neither do I. Still, I only kept one chocolate bar in the house for the kids at a time. And one pack of biscuits. Kept plenty of fruit, cheese, bread, nuts, crackers, which they could eat as much of as they wanted.

People who do physical labour shouldn't be eating Maccie D's and sugar anyway. More nutritious food would be better for them too. Like portable cheese or packets of nuts or a banana.

Oh and YABU taking their Christmas money OP.

this thread is batshit. I went to boarding school and most of us brought a tuck box at the beginning of term. Some just stuffed the lot in the first couple of days and some eeked it out so we had "good" snacks for the entire term. (I was one of the latter). It's just kids being kids. I'd love to live on snack bars, crisps and baby-bel too but i have learned to regulate myself.

Young DCs? not so much. This is what they have to learn from their parents.

If you eat all the snacks, especially those which were earmarked for other people's lunches as well as your own there are consequenses. I'm not sure I'd have taken all their money since they're not getting snacks, but i would be giving them the most boring lunchboxes ever in the history of lunchboxes. And one piece of fruit, and carrot sticks or celery in place of the "good" snacks.

This thread is fking hilarious, so many dramatic people! Swear some of them have never actually met a child, my daughter would eat her weight in Frubes and cheese and cereal bars if I let her, she's a black hole. Just because they're half inching a little bit of everything doesn't mean OP only feeds them one small bowl of gruel a day.

Calling it "stealing" might be a bit dramatic but I get what OP is saying - children shouldn't have free access to as many snacks and sweets as they want at all times, so helping themselves to a month's worth of snacks and scoffing the lot is sort of "stealing", in the sense they've taken something they know they shouldn't have (assuming they do know they're not supposed to help themselves to these foods)

I don't think I'd have taken their money, they'd be making do without any of the snacks for the rest of the month and I think that'll do, as well as a conversation about which foods are fine to help themselves to and which are not.

You've said what their punishment was but you've mentioned nothing about the actual conversation you had with them.

Did they say why they'd taken the food? Do they understand why you've taken their money? Do they understand about money being limited and treats being to share? That matters more I think that the rights and wrong of punishment altho yes you're double punishing which I don't think is fair.

Second a test box each and a padlock on the cupboard. Get them involved in making their own lunches too so they notice that their school treats and home treats are the same supply?

If they are hiding the evidence they must feel that food is an issue, ( please MN don’t point out that we need it to survive, I don’t mean that type of issue ) this could develop into potential eating problems.

If they are taking so much food I would question why? They must be hungry, it doesn’t sound like an obsession with crisps, chocolate etc as they’re now eating all the fruit.

So it sounds like they are just hungry.
Can I suggest mid meal healthy snacks or/ and larger more calorie laden slow release main meals.

Making them pay for the food is inappropriate. That’s suggesting they have been naughty for eating when they are hungry.

I'd also cut the amount of time they're spending alien unsupervised in general as they've proven they're not old enough to be left

If this is true, some of the foods your children are were cheese and yogurts. So, you are hunting around detective style and then punishing your own children for eating food ? This is horrible.

I'm OK thanks for asking. I'm just confused but then again I posted on aibu.
I should have went to parenting.

Got and put yourself in the corner 😉

I wouldn't start taking away their money! I'd just rely on the consequences of their actions ie no treat food until next month as they have decided to eat it all already. I'd also let them see their father really enjoying his replacement treat food in the meantime, and see what happens next month before I decided how/if to proceed.

I think this is really unreasonable to be completely honest and makes me feel quiet uncomfortable.

They are children and it's our job to make sure they are well fed. At their ages being punished for eating isn't really an option as parents that we can impose - this could lead to negative feelings around food - binge eating etc

I would be inclined to question them regarding why they feel the need to hide the snacks and the evidence of eating them - this is the worrying part.

I understand times are tough right now, and if your budget doesn't allow for them to continously snack, could you not buy them and explain once they are gone thats it for the week. Or explain that you can have a chocolate snack and a crisp snack before dinner and then maybe a yoghurt and some fruit after dinner? Also maybe don't allow them to take food upstairs? Could they maybe eat their snacks at the table so you could monitor how much they are eating and maybe educate them on the right snack choices? I.e - instead of a chocolate bar could you have a banana, some dried fruit etc

Being at school and continously using their brains will make them hungrier, including play times, PE etc.

Hope you can come to a resolution OP

Dreadful Oliver Twist twaddle.

Maybe your experiences at boarding school are influencing your view on this then which is not a typical set up for most, I e most don't have a tuck box of snacks or see food as reward and punishment. OP, I would not make a big deal of this, it is what it is.