Neighbour rang the police on us!

[Lonelymum27]

Miss busy body next door has just called the police on us! 10 minute argument and I went off upstairs to bed with DS. We’re both absolutely knackered DS isn’t sleeping so this has taking a toll on us and this is what caused the argument.

she’s rang the police on a few people on the estate before over nothing really,nothing I’d get worked up about.

police have just came banging down our doors and windows blue lights shouting police !gave us the shock of our lives left within minutes as they seen we was fine.

We feel absolutely humiliated now! AIBU to go round in the morning or should I just leave it?

I'm sorry to hear about your sleep deprivation. I've been there and it honestly plays havoc with your emotions. How come you haven't slept for 2 nights?

Also, there are people who 100% never argue and shout at each other, me and DH never do. I personally couldn't be in a relationship that involved shouting.

Your neighbour may have been concerned but I don't know her so I can't really comment. What did she call the police for on the other neighbours?

@Lonelymum27 You are more than welcome. We all make mistakes as Mothers, I'll be the first to admit that. I could see by your user name that you may have not had someone to speak to in real life. Mumsnet is a great place to vent for that reason. I am so sorry about some of the replies here. Please don't take them to heart. It's so hard with children who won't sleep, my youngest is 2 and still hasn't slept through the night! I've you are doing great! Tomorrow is a new day. Hold your head up high and carry on 🥰 That's what your children would want x

I know this is mumsnet and you all probably live in lovely detached 4 beds, but it's really not unusual to hear your neighbours, you know!

We live in a small flat with three neighbours very close, two with shared walls.

It's not unusual to hear your neighbours.

It is unusual to hear them argue for ten minutes shouting, with children in the home too.

But why is anyone shouting at that volume at each other, in an argument for 10 minutes enough that the neighbour is concerned enough to call the police. Look to yourselves if you want someone to blame for the embarrassment of it OP, that isn't a normal environment or normal thing to be doing.

Disagreements or even an argument is not unusual in a relationship during difficult times but that isn't the same as sustained shouting for that long at each other with children in the house. It makes no difference at all if the neighbour's never had an argument herself or if anyone else here has or not, doesn't change what went on in your house. The police turning up and deciding it was a civil domestic matter with no other concerns doesn't mean they shouldn't have attended to check that.

Sorry about the typos 🙈 I have a very 'lively' 2 year old on me as I type. That's real life. And it's hard OP! Hope you are ok 👍🏽

"We bought a lazy spa hot tub" - this is a crime in itself.

@dontgobaconmyheart she isn’t concerned we’ve finally given her a reason to complain about something.

People argue sometimes. And raise their voices. It doesn’t mean they’re violent or acting crazy. I think people who say they never argue or raise their voices are afraid to speak up to the other person, in fact if people say they’ve never ever had an argument or raised their voices, they’re either lying or they’re afraid of their partners. Something is off. It is normal to have disagreements, and yes arguments with raised voices sometimes. Not talking about crazy violent shouting matches that go on 24/7.

or maybe your armchair psychology is wrong and maybe most people are conscious of disturbing the people who live in close proximity to them and that’s why they make an effort to stfu?

I’ve had both.

My first marriage was very abusive and neighbours called the police several times, in fact 2 of my neighbours came to court as witnesses when I braved leaving and it led to him trashing the house etc. They helped me through so much and I was grateful! To begin with I was annoyed as it did then cause further aggro from him when the police left.

I have also been the neighbour to call the police, all I could hear was the man screaming and shouting and the place being smashed up, it majorly triggered me and my kids. Police came and left after the woman assured all was ‘ok’. She has since left the house and it’s only him in there- I gave her info re Womans aid etc.

If it’s a one off argument that fizzles out and doesn’t sound nasty I wouldn’t get involved, if it was reoccurring and seems like someone definitely needs help, then it’s not unreasonable to have the police nip round.

@MysteryBelle

It doesn’t mean they’re violent or acting crazy. I think people who say they never argue or raise their voices are afraid to speak up to the other person, in fact if people say they’ve never ever had an argument or raised their voices, they’re either lying or they’re afraid of their partners.

Nope. I grew up in a shouty house and chose to not stay with anyone who shouted at me during an argument because I can't cope with it and it makes me really anxious and upset.

My partner isn't a naturally shouty or hot headed person anyway and he is sure to not shout in arguments because it would make me anxious and upset, because he loves me.

I'm not lying and I'm not frightened of him one bit. I think it's really sad you don't think it's possible for people to choose partners with compatible conflict styles.

I'm perfectly aware lots of people are fine with shouty arguments. Some of us aren't, for various reasons that have nothing at all to do with a fear of our partners.

Grew up in a shouty house. I refuse to replicate that and continue that cycle.

@MysteryBelle

And people aren't saying they've never disagreed with their partner. There's a world of grey area between disagreeing and a shouting match.

👏 beautifully put. 💐

@ijustwannahaveagoodnight, I live in a house with no shared walls and a large garden so yes my perspective is different but in my pp I told op to not give neighbor any more ammunition. Although when I was younger I did live in a townhouse with shared walls but never heard anything from neighbors, I guess we had thick walls. You saying stfu shows you have a bit of a temper 😏 the fact is, it is normal to have occasional arguments with raised voices. The neighbor was being an ass to call the police, good grief.

I totally disagree. I think people who have to shout during arguments lack the capacity to verbalise why they are upset and regulate their emotions. Unless something horrific has happened resorting to screaming is really over dramatic.

I live next door to someone who screams at all her family constantly. Either in person or over the phone, she just loses control. I don’t think she realises how crazy she sounds. Plus, I’ve had to call the police a few times because of her behaviour. Once when she had a new partner and she did her usual screaming in fury, I don’t think he had experienced anything like it and he over reacted. I thought he was going to murder her, she was shocked that the police turned Second time she threw so much furniture about she cracked one of our walls.

@monsteramunch I'm exactly the same. Anyone who raised their voice to me shouting would make me anxious and deeply upset. I couldn't live with someone who made me feel like that.

i could have the worst temper in the entire world and I still wouldn’t think it reasonable to thoughtlessly disturb my neighbours and then still think I’ve done nothing wrong but ok

Yes, me too. I couldn’t stay with someone who shouted at me. It’s totally unacceptable, I spent most of my childhood and teen years being screamed at by two adults who could not control their own behaviour. Some people seem to accept it as normal, it’s not.

I’m not talking about huge shouting matches, I don’t like people who shout either. I don’t think you’re afraid or anything, I’m talking about people who claim to never argue at all. I think we’re all getting our wires crossed. I don’t think any of us like shouting matches but can recognize that it is normal for tired exhausted young parents sometimes having raised voices in an argument at times out of frustration which is what the op is trying to explain.

Id love to know what the responses on here would be if someone posted

'My neighbours have been shouting at each other for a good 10 mins, they have 2 small children in the house, what should I do'

I'd bet almost all the responses would be to call the police & noone would say mind your own business & ignore it

Of course the example you’re giving is way over the top crazy. I’m not talking about crazy stuff like that.

@MysteryBelle But me and DH genuinely do not argue. We are so in tune and rarely disagree on matters. It is possible

@kwetu Thank you. I hope OP zones in on the more positive posts of this thread.

That’s exactly my point, lots of grey between a violent crazy screaming and a disagreement, and raised voices in an occasional argument. And lots of you are pretending to never have raised your voices in your life. Sure!

But my neighbour doesn’t think she’s acting crazy. To her, screaming and shouting is absolutely normal. She came to my door baffled about me calling the police. TBF, her behaviour has escalated but for the past 20 years I’ve lived here, she thinks she’s just arguing. It’s no big deal, a bit like some of the people on this thread excusing those who shout when angry.