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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Neighbour rang the police on us!

314 replies

Lonelymum27 · 20/03/2023 22:31

Miss busy body next door has just called the police on us! 10 minute argument and I went off upstairs to bed with DS. We’re both absolutely knackered DS isn’t sleeping so this has taking a toll on us and this is what caused the argument.

she’s rang the police on a few people on the estate before over nothing really,nothing I’d get worked up about.

police have just came banging down our doors and windows blue lights shouting police !gave us the shock of our lives left within minutes as they seen we was fine.

We feel absolutely humiliated now! AIBU to go round in the morning or should I just leave it?

OP posts:
7eleven · 21/03/2023 10:06

Lonelymum27 · 20/03/2023 22:58

I know but us shouting over having no sleep seems a bit to much. She’s rang the police on the family across the road. The couple 2 doors up. I just think it’s wrong!

She doesn’t know that’s what you’re shouting about though 🙄

GoodChat · 21/03/2023 10:08

Laiste · 21/03/2023 09:16

10 mins is ages.

It's taken me that to read this thread.

Why not go round and apologise for the racket and maybe you'll find she offers you a cupper and it'll be a whole lot of stress off your back.

10 minutes is a really long time to be shouting with children in the house loud enough to be heard by neighbours, 100%. The children didn't sleep through that either.

Londonwriter · 21/03/2023 10:44

I don't think you're being unreasonable. Unfortunately, crazy neighbours exist.

Ours has complained about our newborn baby crying and he texted me one morning claiming that our young son was shouting "No, no no" at his dad (in terror), followed by a loud bang and a shout, implying we were abusing our kids. In fact, our toddler was singing "Row, row, row your boat", and then our older son dropped his water bottle down the stairs and shouted to us 🙄

Before anyone says anything about us, he has also complained about our neighbour's kids (on the other side) playing football in the garden and the same neighbours watching samurai movies. We found this out because he was gaslighting us, claiming that he only heard us and couldn't hear our neighbours. We asked all our neighbours nearby about whether we were unusually noisy (we aren't).

So, basically, he is a total and utter moaning nuisance. They exist, sadly. The OP's neighbour may be one of them. Given the severity of some of the complaints he's come out with (e.g. implying we were assaulting our five year old), I am surprised he hasn't called the police!

ExasperatedbyJanuary · 21/03/2023 10:47

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

How much, exactly, do you know about the OP’s life? You come across as a highly judgmental and unpleasant character.

Sure, OP might be struggling. Have you ever heard the saying ‘Never look down on someone unless you’re helping them up’?

emptythelitterbox · 21/03/2023 11:16

Brefugee · 21/03/2023 08:28

my neighbours scream and shout every evening just about. But you can tell when he gets violent, because she screams differently. So i call the police.
Every. Bloody. Time.
Unfortunately, despite the bruises, black eyes and number of occasions that he gets carted off by the police, or one of them leaves in an ambulance, or how much the DCs cry at them she won't leave.

And i will continue to call the police every bloody time. Because 2 women a week are killed by a current or ex-partner. And I'm never going to apologise to anyone - least of all those two - for doing it.

Really glad you do call. I'd do the same.

ShapesAndNumbers · 21/03/2023 11:30

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TiddlySquats · 21/03/2023 11:42

It sounds like you're having a difficult time OP, might be a good idea to contact your HV and ask for help with DS's sleeping.

Also good to get in first and pre-empt a phone call or visit as police usually routinely contact social care HV & GP when they attend a "disturbance" if there are children present in the home.

BellatrixLestrangesHeatedCurlers · 21/03/2023 11:53

This reply has been deleted

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Jellytotsburnmytongue · 21/03/2023 11:57

I'd rather live next door to your neighbour than you.

Everything you have said so far screams it's my house I can do what I want. No consideration or respect for others around you, even when you admit that noise can be heard clearly by others.

It sounds like your neighbour has completely had enough. It's her I feel for.

If you go to speak to her it's an apology you should be giving.

User135644 · 21/03/2023 13:02

If people can't communicate without shouting then they've got something wrong with them.

ExasperatedbyJanuary · 21/03/2023 13:03

User135644 · 21/03/2023 13:02

If people can't communicate without shouting then they've got something wrong with them.

Sometimes there are things wrong in people’s lives, unfortunately. The answer is not always to heap blame on them.

Forgooodnesssakenow · 21/03/2023 13:35

follyfoot37 · 21/03/2023 06:39

i would call the police on the basis you bought a hot tub
And she has rung the police, not rang

Show quote history

Why would you call the police for a hot tub? I don't understand what the Crim is there? Annoying yes but are the police the right place for that?

ArcticSkewer · 21/03/2023 14:07

Forgooodnesssakenow · 21/03/2023 13:35

Why would you call the police for a hot tub? I don't understand what the Crim is there? Annoying yes but are the police the right place for that?

Show quote history

Have a think about it ....

try laughing while you say it

LakieLady · 21/03/2023 14:30

HerrenaHarridan · 20/03/2023 23:42

I will remain eternally grateful to the neighbours who called the police when they knew what they were hearing was not ok.

There is not doubt in my mind we owe them both our lives

I wish my neighbours had done it when I was married to my ex. He used to come home pissed and rant at me for over an hour sometimes, just constant abusive shouting.

I would always call the police now if I thought a neighbour was being abused.

CaribouCarafe · 21/03/2023 17:25

Sorry OP that you're going through a tough time but I agree with your neighbour on this one - it's not normal for people to shout at one another for 10 minutes, and there's no way they could tell with certainty that it wouldn't escalate. Imagine if in the heat of the moment one of you pushed the other down the stairs?

I've lived in apartments with thin walls for the past 10 years and have only heard couples shouting from the flats where I knew there was some level of domestic abuse. I called security each time and I don't regret it.

You may try and convince yourself that your children slept through your shouting match but I can pretty much guarantee they didn't - speaking as someone who had a shouty mother who used to bottle up all her rage and unleash it at my dad every night after we'd gone to bed. I heard everything and it was majorly unsettling.

My line in the sand in every relationship since is shouting - if someone raises their voice at me or makes me do the same to them then it's over. Been with my husband 9 years. Plenty of disagreements and heated discussions but we have never shouted at one another. Let alone for 10 minutes.

You need a strategy for getting some rest and once your sleep is sorted I think some level of couple therapy to identify better ways to express yourselves when you disagree for the sake of your kids (and your neighbours!)

TickyTacky · 22/03/2023 17:47

Yabu to want to go and deal with your neighbour, they did the right thing. Nobody ever helped when my mum was being abused, I wish they had.
But yanbu for having an argument while exhausted & stressed. It happens. I hope sleep gets better for you soon

cruisebaba1 · 22/03/2023 17:59

Lonelymum27 · 20/03/2023 23:00

We live in a new build so you can hear everything 😩

When we got a new car and was selling our old one she told us to move it even though it wasnt effecting her. We bought a lazy spa hot tub in the summer she was slamming doors all day.

I do sympathise though, we have a batshit neighbour, if someone over the road is doing maintenance on their house, she turns her music up! We have now cured her of this ( properties are detached) can’t wait to tell her we are selling up and moving to Spain!!!🤣🤣🤣🤣

GorgeousPizza · 22/03/2023 18:03

Toxic as hell and your username says it all.

Mandyjack · 22/03/2023 18:24

I would leave it TBH

Mumofthreeteenagers · 22/03/2023 18:26

ijustwannahaveagoodnight · 20/03/2023 22:59

Well stop bloody shouting loud enough to disturb your neighbours then. Ffs

This

ellyeth · 22/03/2023 18:52

It's difficult to know whether an argument is becoming physical when you can't see what is happening. Perhaps this particular lady is either a busybody or someone who maybe has had experience herself or in her family of domestic abuse.

Surely it is better than the police are called if there is any suspicion that someone might get hurt. A friend I worked with said she would never call the police because it "wasn't her business" and "it's usually six of one and half a dozen of the other. I find that attitude more worrying.

jmh740 · 22/03/2023 19:21

GrazingSheep · 20/03/2023 23:21

Do the police make an automatic referral to social services when they are called to sort out screaming and shouting in a house with a young child?

Yes

AllyArty · 22/03/2023 19:44

Call around and apologise and say nobody was hurt and u don’t want to fall out with her.

Crazycrazylady · 22/03/2023 19:48

Sorry op, you lost me at spa tubConfused

Noname77 · 22/03/2023 20:33

slimshadyfan · 20/03/2023 23:44

OP, i hope you are ok and that your baby is asleep now. My advice is to step away from this thread. If only we could all be as perfect as the previous posters? Wake up tomorrow after (hopefully) a good nights sleep and feel better.
Talk with you DH in the morning and promise each other that you won't give your neighbour a chance to meddle again.
There is a lot of snobbery on this thread and it is upsetting.
I only joined Mumsnet recently as I had a question to ask about my dog. I had so many wonderful and helpful responses.
Maybe stay away from AIBU in the future? It doesn't seem very nice to me, hope you are ok x

I totally agree. Name calling and eye rolling about them buying a hot tub. Who do people think they are. It’s fine to disagree, I think OP is being unreasonable to consider going to the neighbours door, but some of the comments on here are condescending and downright rude.