Neighbour rang the police on us!

[Lonelymum27]

Miss busy body next door has just called the police on us! 10 minute argument and I went off upstairs to bed with DS. We’re both absolutely knackered DS isn’t sleeping so this has taking a toll on us and this is what caused the argument.

she’s rang the police on a few people on the estate before over nothing really,nothing I’d get worked up about.

police have just came banging down our doors and windows blue lights shouting police !gave us the shock of our lives left within minutes as they seen we was fine.

We feel absolutely humiliated now! AIBU to go round in the morning or should I just leave it?

@MysteryBelle

I don’t think you’re afraid or anything, I’m talking about people who claim to never argue at all. I think we’re all getting our wires crossed.

Sorry but you did say that people who say they never 'raise their voices' are 'either lying or afraid of their partners':

I think people who say they never argue or raise their voices are afraid to speak up to the other person, in fact if people say they’ve never ever had an argument or raised their voices, they’re either lying or they’re afraid of their partners.

Hopefully you can see from this thread that some couples really don't ever raise their voices at each other. They aren't lying or afraid of their partners, they just choose not to be with partners who raise their voice at them and when a partner does (as previous partners of mine have) they end the relationship because that is such an incompatible conflict style for them.

@MysteryBelle thank you. Never once have I said we live in a shouty household and it’s like this all the time.

Were struggling terribly at the minute with little to no help it’s so flipping hard everyday I hope it’s going to get a bit easier. We’re like zombies everyday just trying to get through the day.

I came here to vent in hope that someone would understand. But the majority of you have made me feel 10 times worse than I did before I even posted on here.

@MysteryBelle Agreed 💗

Your and your husbands behaviour is not normal and k say this with kindness. Don't argue when your kids are in bed, they CAN HEAR YOU. Have the maturity to walk away and talk when you're both calmer

Sorry wrong tag again! I give up haha. This is all new to me. Good luck OP. Stay positive and only take notice of the good. Good luck x

hopefully now you realise how selfish shouting in a house where sound travels easily at night is and you won’t do it again

What's stopping you sleeping? Are the children keeping you up?

I know how frayed being exhausted can make you. It's awful, you almost start to lose touch with reality and it's also a lot harder to regulate emotions when that tired.

Ah, so you’re equating the op with your crazed neighbor. As if they’re the same person. Ok.

@MysteryBelle

And lots of you are pretending to never have raised your voices in your life. Sure

Nobody has said they've never raised their voice in their life. They've said that isn't something they do in their current relationship.

I've worked really bloody hard over the years (during which I have previously been in relationships where there were raised voices / shouting, which made me anxious and upset) to unlearn the normalised shouty dynamic of my childhood so now don't raise my voice if I disagree with my current partner and our disagreements don't escalate to that. He is the same way.

Again, nobody has said they have never raised their voice. So I'm not sure why you're being snarky about people making that claim... nobody has.

Please don't feel worse OP. You are only human, as we all are. Ignore the horrible people on this thread. Go to bed, have a cup of tea and rest (if those children will let you!) it's late x

Sorry it's made you feel worse, genuinely.

I don't think it's just the actual argument people have taken issue with.

It's the fact you've repeatedly been defensive about it being normal and made out it's just what people do, and said the kids didn't hear etc.

If you'd said you were really upset that it happened because you know it's a really damaging thing etc I think the replies would have been different.

But you seem more angry with your neighbour than you are with yourselves for escalating this to the level you did with kids in the house.

@Bepis DS waking up multiples times in the night very short cat naps then he will stay awake for hours. He’s completely stopped sleeping through the day so he is just grumpy and cries all the time it’s all very depressing. DH can’t cope with the constant crying and I think it’s making him ill to be honest his blood pressure is constantly high.

Its just all very crap at the minute, then we feel guilty for the other 2 as they are just being dragged into the misery of a life.

You’re welcome @Lonelymum27 Many on here love to stomp on others through their keyboards. Maybe pent up frustration they can’t express in real life? 😀

The fact is, we’re all human (at least I assume that’s so 😂) and it’s ok to have arguments sometimes. It’s normal. Not crazy stuff all the time, but raised voices or arguments on occasion, goodness gracious.

Op, look how argumentative these posters are with you. That’s why it’s hard to believe what they claim about themselves.

Imagine if you were a victim of DV and nobody had called the police :(
Maybe scream at each other less? 'Only ten minutes'? Really? Do couples generally have ten minute plus screaming matches?

I take back what I said OP if the kids slept through it. I was thinking you were playing it down if she had called the police and that it was more than a bit of shouting.
apologies.

Nope. At no point did I say the op was as crazy as my neighbour. What I’m saying it that sometimes you can behave a certain way without realising that your behaviour is wrong and impacting negatively on other people. That sometimes you think your behaviour is ok, and not that bad. However, if you don’t realise that your behaviour is wrong and change how you deal with stress it can escalate and become a huge problem.

OP said their baby was awake in their cot and they were shouting at the top of the stairs.

Ahh no we have young kids, they've all been horrible sleepers, we've had many a shouty slanging match exhausted over the years, thankfully our neighbours (an old couple) say nothing. Sometimes you lose your shit that tired, you're only human. Ignore the busy body neighbour (and argue in a room not on the shared wall next time lol).

My eldest didn't sleep a night until he was 3, my youngest is almost 2 and while better is still up 3 times a night. My son has febrile seizures so is up a lot. We often don't sleep for days. Yes we argue, sometimes we argue through gritted teeth quietly while the kids are occupied. Screaming so the neighbours call the police? Absolutely not and definitely not Infront of children.

You need to think about how your child will be affected and why you think screaming matches are acceptable

Then I'll up the ante and say that in 15 years neither me or DP have ever shouted at each other. A 10 min shouting match is not normal.

Never mind your neighbour, a loud shouting match in front of your son is really bad.

My earliest memory is of being in my high chair, people arguing and shouting, my mum crying in distress and there being a broken mirror with shards over a cream carpet and cream leather sofa, then I think someone took me upstairs. Very small children do remember these things.

I’d say you posters jumping on, judging, and lecturing op are very used to arguing and like it very much, you can’t stop jumping on her, have to assume you’re like this in real life.

Well congrats to you but other people do have arguments.
I've had many shouting matches with my husband, usually because I'm tired, emotional, frustrated. It doesn't make for a bad relationship, a bad neighbour or a bad parent, just different from yours.
Sometimes they last longer than 10mins too.

Or we think it's quite important that people know if they want to be in a relationship where they don't raise their voices when they disagree with their partner, and vice versa, it isn't an impossible ask. So they don't have to stay in a relationship where the conflict style makes them anxious and upset. They can choose to only stay with a partner who is compatible on that front.

Loads of people would be fine with raising voices to each other. I completely get that. And I don't think it's necessarily a sign of a toxic relationship if people do shout at each other in arguments, if both people are ok with it and not anxious / upset by it. I don't accuse them of lying just because they are different to me.

It would be nice if you could extend the same courtesy to people who don't have a relationship that features raised voices over disagreements.

If your neighbours can hear your 10 min+ shouting matches, it does make you a bad neighbour. Obviously. And parent, if your kids can hear it