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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Neighbour rang the police on us!

314 replies

Lonelymum27 · 20/03/2023 22:31

Miss busy body next door has just called the police on us! 10 minute argument and I went off upstairs to bed with DS. We’re both absolutely knackered DS isn’t sleeping so this has taking a toll on us and this is what caused the argument.

she’s rang the police on a few people on the estate before over nothing really,nothing I’d get worked up about.

police have just came banging down our doors and windows blue lights shouting police !gave us the shock of our lives left within minutes as they seen we was fine.

We feel absolutely humiliated now! AIBU to go round in the morning or should I just leave it?

OP posts:
TrombonesAreNotBones · 20/03/2023 23:24

Do you sit in your front garden, too, OP? #Onslow

Original poster
Lonelymum27 · 20/03/2023 23:24

CindyAndTheSaltySnacks · 20/03/2023 23:20

How do you know this?

Show quote history

I asked her who called the police and she said it was her. The poor woman across the road had two sons with behavioural issues they were a nuisance but in all honesty if you weren’t watching them it wouldn’t bother you.
The couple two doors up had a bbq in the summer she called the police she was stood out the front once again recording it.

OP posts:
Barleysugar86 · 20/03/2023 23:25

Leave it please. It will have come from a good place.

I did the same once for my neighbour, the bangs were making me sick with worry. Turns out they were ok from the police check but I couldn't just ignore it because sometimes people really do need help.

Original poster
Lonelymum27 · 20/03/2023 23:25

Allthegoodnamesarechosen · 20/03/2023 23:22

Were they the grammar police?

I’m dyslexic but thanks

OP posts:
JackiePlace · 20/03/2023 23:26

You will be more effective in any argument if you use a quiet voice. Something to keep in mind for the future.
Or even better, you could try dialogue the next time you have a disagreement with your partner! (Google it!)

gettingolderbutcooler · 20/03/2023 23:26

How on earth do you know who called the police?

WyldeSwan · 20/03/2023 23:26

slimshadyfan · 20/03/2023 23:22

Agreed with you OP.
@ladydimitrescu congratulations on never having had a 10 minute disagreement with your DH... but in the real world/lack of sleep, these things happen.
Sorry OP that you are getting some very bitchy responses here. Not what you need at all. So much for women supporting women hey? 🙄

Most people have 10 minutes disagreements. What's less normal is having 10 minutes shouting so loudly the neighbours can hear and be concerned/ annoyed enough to call the police. Most people can disagree without making a huge disturbance. Especially when their own child is in ear shot.

HikingforScenery · 20/03/2023 23:27

PatriciaHolm · 20/03/2023 23:23

Me neither! Shouting matches just aren't part of any relationship I've ever had.

Plenty of people don't argue like that. Doesn't mean we all live in harmony, never disagreeing about anything, but plenty of us deal with disagreements without yelling at each other.

Show quote history

10 whole minutes? Just there exchanging (shouting) words?! I’m struggling to imagine that tbh

If you’re arguing so loudly, maybe for once she did it out of the kindness of her heart.

OP, can you look after your child in shifts? One wears ear plugs while they rest and swap? Lack of sleep is torture. I feel for you

Overthebow · 20/03/2023 23:27

Lonelymum27 · 20/03/2023 23:14

So no one here has argued in front of their child? I’ve barely slept in 2 bloody days!

of course I’ve argued, everyone does. But I don’t shout in front of my DC, even if I’m really angry with DH. I grew up in a house like that and it really messed me up.

BreviloquentBastard · 20/03/2023 23:28

In 15 years I've never had a ten minute shouting match with my husband. I can count the number of times either of us has shouted at eachother at all on one hand. It's not actually normal, especially not loud enough shouting matches to be disturbing your neighbours. All the people incredulous that some people are capable of communicating with out screaming at eachother make me sad.

EmmaDilemma5 · 20/03/2023 23:28

Screaming at each other for 10 minutes straight isn't normal or healthy. Yes, all couples argue, but not like yours describing. If sounds like you're both a bit out of control and your poor son, hearing it all, then essentially getting blamed for it because of his sleeping issues.

It's not lack of sleep, it's how you're both choosing to conduct yourselves when you're not happy.

LaMarschallin · 20/03/2023 23:29

alspwnbv · 20/03/2023 23:05

Lol

Show quote history

You may Lol but I actually thought that's what the OP meant.

I've read the rest of the thread now and I don't think that any more.

echt · 20/03/2023 23:29

What is innocuous in a house can sound quite different from the outside:

www.theguardian.com/environment/2015/nov/26/youre-dead-police-thought-man-trying-to-kill-spider-was-attacking-wife

Lovelydaytomorrow · 20/03/2023 23:29

Lonelymum27 · 20/03/2023 23:18

@Lovelydaytomorrow I don’t believe that one bit sorry.

I'm sorry you don't believe that, but it says a lot more about your relationship than mine and what you must have witnessed in other relationships. And I'm truly sorry that you see shouting at each other as a normal part of a relationship, but it's really really not.

My husband and I are not perfect, we have disagreements, but I can guarantee you that we've never had an argument where either has shouted. We live in a semi with very thin walls. We've gone through periods where the baby was been up every 30 minutes over night and on our knees exhausted, and the only thing our neighbours ever hear is our kids playing, tantruming or crying (which we obviously try our very best to keep to a minimum). Not once would the neighbours ever have heard us argue. And I really don't think that's a boast, I think that's pretty normal of functioning, healthy relationships.

TheShellBeach · 20/03/2023 23:30

Allthegoodnamesarechosen · 20/03/2023 23:22

Were they the grammar police?

Behave. Grin

Soakitup37 · 20/03/2023 23:34

my 8 yo has never seen me have a screaming match with anyone. I have never shouted at or in the proximity of my 8 or 8mo.

come to think of it I’ve never had had one with anyone. to have an argument /disagreement with someone does not equate so loud the police get called.

that you can’t believe that could be true says a lot. Maybe start there.

the neighbour is the least of your problems here.

Original poster
Lonelymum27 · 20/03/2023 23:35

gettingolderbutcooler · 20/03/2023 23:26

How on earth do you know who called the police?

We are only connected to her we have an alley in between the other house.I went out the front with the police too and the windows were twitching.

OP posts:
Greenfairydust · 20/03/2023 23:35

Your neighbour has no idea of why you are shouting so loud.

You could be a victim of domestic violence for all she knows...and if you have a kid it is another reason for her to be concerned about what could be happening in your house.

What would you ''go around'' for? unless you are planning to apologise...

''When we got a new car and was selling our old one she told us to move it even though it wasnt effecting her. We bought a lazy spa hot tub in the summer she was slamming doors all day.''

Frankly, you sound like a nuisance/thoughtless neighbour.

JudgeJ · 20/03/2023 23:35

Annon1234 · 20/03/2023 23:20

I thought people that don’t argue with their partners were mythical creatures but apparently they all just congregate on here. Who knew.

Who knew? Who believes them more like!

smooththecat · 20/03/2023 23:35

<We bought a hot tub> You’ve basically told all of your neighbours to go fuck themselves.

Embelline · 20/03/2023 23:35

Tbh you sound like the nightmare neighbour here!

Train007 · 20/03/2023 23:36

I have had a family for thirty years and have never heard any shouting…not even the teenagers! Shouting is not ok .

MaggieThatchersFridge · 20/03/2023 23:38

I don’t think your neighbour is the problem here tbh. Maybe consider some relationship/communication counselling together instead?

Original poster
Lonelymum27 · 20/03/2023 23:40

I don’t think we need counselling for being exhausted. We’ve never been this tired in our life! We have 2 DCS at school we run an online business together baring in mind baby DS is with us whilst we go to the office too. We don’t get a break and unfortunately tonight we’ve had ago at each other.

OP posts:
PinkButtercups · 20/03/2023 23:40

For them to come with their blues on they must've been pretty concerned.

Shouting is not okay and I'm sure you're aware of this now.

Everyone can have disagreements but shouting is crossing the line.
Especially in front of kids.

Hopefully you've learnt a lesson now but it's done. No point going round there she could see that as white intimidating.