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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Neighbour rang the police on us!

314 replies

Lonelymum27 · 20/03/2023 22:31

Miss busy body next door has just called the police on us! 10 minute argument and I went off upstairs to bed with DS. We’re both absolutely knackered DS isn’t sleeping so this has taking a toll on us and this is what caused the argument.

she’s rang the police on a few people on the estate before over nothing really,nothing I’d get worked up about.

police have just came banging down our doors and windows blue lights shouting police !gave us the shock of our lives left within minutes as they seen we was fine.

We feel absolutely humiliated now! AIBU to go round in the morning or should I just leave it?

OP posts:
Goodadvice1980 · 21/03/2023 08:35

OP, you sound like that neighbour we’ve all had to suffer/endure at some point 🙄

Trainbear · 21/03/2023 08:36

She probably could not hear every word of your arguement.
If the estate is full of screaming gimps, blimps and chimps yelling at all hours of the day and night, it needs a lot more people calling in that sort of inconsiderate behaviour.
As others had said if you or your children were being beaten up, abused you would presumably be grateful someone gave a care about it.

Oohoohwee · 21/03/2023 08:41

Annon1234 · 20/03/2023 23:20

I thought people that don’t argue with their partners were mythical creatures but apparently they all just congregate on here. Who knew.

It is striking that you so often read people say on Mumsnet they’ve never argued with their partner when out in the real world it’s considered to be completely normal, expected, healthy even. 🤷🏻

TaunterOfWomenInGeneralSaysSayonarastu · 21/03/2023 08:41

Lonelymum27 · 20/03/2023 22:58

I know but us shouting over having no sleep seems a bit to much. She’s rang the police on the family across the road. The couple 2 doors up. I just think it’s wrong!

She didn't know why you were shouting.
As PP said, if you'd been having seven bells knocked out of you you'd have been glad of her intervention.

Whether she was right or wrong to have called the police about the other couple has nothing to do with that fact. You are conflating the 2 events to try to reduce your own part in it because you are embarrassed.

Going round to hers this morning won't relieve that embarrassment.
Try resolving arguments without shouting at each other.
If your neighbour could hear you, god knows what DS was feeling about mummy & daddy losing it with each other.

GoodChat · 21/03/2023 08:42

Cherryblossoms85 · 21/03/2023 07:54

Weird responses. Nutter calling the police on everyone and that's your fault?

'Nutter' calling the police on people who are either behaving anti socially or at genuine risk of harm? Yes, the neighbours the problem...

TaunterOfWomenInGeneralSaysSayonarastu · 21/03/2023 08:43

Lonelymum27 · 20/03/2023 23:12

I appreciate you all think she done it out of the kindness of her heart but that isn’t the case.

Her motivations don't change the fact of your behaviour.

Shouting rows are not good for anybody, especially DC.

Original poster
Lonelymum27 · 21/03/2023 08:43

Goodadvice1980 · 21/03/2023 08:35

OP, you sound like that neighbour we’ve all had to suffer/endure at some point 🙄

how? We’re not even at home all day unlike her. We had one little shouty argument on the night and I’m the neighbour from hell. Oh please

OP posts:
GoodChat · 21/03/2023 08:44

@Lonelymum27 you should know that neighbours with close proximity gardens, like new builds, hate hot tubs too.

Brefugee · 21/03/2023 08:46

the AIBU is about the police being called - not that the OP and her DH are tired and their baby is a bad sleeper.

So was the neighbour being U to call the police when she heard a 10 minute screaming match and a baby crying? no she wasn't.

Does she have form for calling the police for "trivial" things? we can't judge, OP seems to think so. So possibly the neighbour is BU but i don't think so.

OP has a hot tub- VVVVU (sorry, OP, that's just how it is)

on to the reason for the screaming match: OP you need help that is for sure, is there any way you and DH can "tag team" in the day to sleep/play with the baby? Can you reduce your working for the business hours to entertain the baby more and take pressure off DH that way? (or, since I'm a modern type of gal: perhaps your DH could do that)

I hope it all calms down soon, OP

Wisteriaroundthedoor · 21/03/2023 08:48

Op. Instead of keeping up the aggression just go round and say you’re sorry you both disturbed her. I understand you’re tired but not everything needs to be a fight.

of course standing shouting at each other when small kids in rhe house for ten mins isn’t ok . Don’t make it her fault and then have a go.

I hope things start to get easier for both of you. You need to start to come up with a plan where you can sleep. So ear plugs, take it in turns etc .

SaySomethingMan · 21/03/2023 09:07

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

What a horrible post

Oohoohwee · 21/03/2023 09:07

Brefugee · 21/03/2023 08:46

the AIBU is about the police being called - not that the OP and her DH are tired and their baby is a bad sleeper.

So was the neighbour being U to call the police when she heard a 10 minute screaming match and a baby crying? no she wasn't.

Does she have form for calling the police for "trivial" things? we can't judge, OP seems to think so. So possibly the neighbour is BU but i don't think so.

OP has a hot tub- VVVVU (sorry, OP, that's just how it is)

on to the reason for the screaming match: OP you need help that is for sure, is there any way you and DH can "tag team" in the day to sleep/play with the baby? Can you reduce your working for the business hours to entertain the baby more and take pressure off DH that way? (or, since I'm a modern type of gal: perhaps your DH could do that)

I hope it all calms down soon, OP

I’m curious - why is a hot tub unreasonable???!

SeverusSnapeAlways · 21/03/2023 09:07

follyfoot37 · 21/03/2023 06:39

i would call the police on the basis you bought a hot tub
And she has rung the police, not rang

Show quote history

Lovely!! If you read the post you would see the reply from the OP explaining she has dyslexia.

Mumsnet the place you come to for support and get judgement.

I'd rather have an argument with my husband and explain to my kids that life's not all sunshine and roses, than seeth quietly and take my frustration out on a stranger on the internet.
Judgement is so easy from behind your screen.

Mumsnet
Our aim is to:
Make parents' lives easier by pooling knowledge, advice and support.

Should change this to
Our aim is to:
Make parents' lives harder by being superior, harsh judgement and no support.

TiddlySquats · 21/03/2023 09:08

The only time I've ever screamed and shouted at DH was when I found a pigeon flapping about and dive bombing me in the bedroom.
Birds indoors terrify me and I thundered down stairs shouting at him to get it out. Ran outside and concerned neighbours were by front door about to rush in and save me!

BodenCardiganNot · 21/03/2023 09:10

We’re not even at home all day unlike her. We had one little shouty argument on the night and I’m the neighbour from hell. Oh please

In your post about your recently started Amazon business you say that your baby cries all day long and is hell to deal with. Maybe your neighbour is at the end of her tether with that and the final straw was the row last night?

DMLady · 21/03/2023 09:15

I’m sorry you’re getting so much grief on here, OP — and that you’re not getting much sleep. My DH and I had some of our worst rows (often over nothing!) when our DD in particular was a baby, as she was a TERRIBLE sleeper. Lack of sleep is a nightmare, for all concerned. Hang on in there…

Personally, I wouldn’t confront your neighbour — unless she brings it up. As you’ve said, she’s called the police on others too, so this is something she clearly does, and I don’t think you’ll be able to say anything that will change her behaviour. Hopefully the police will get fed up of her soon.

I hope you have a better day today…

Laiste · 21/03/2023 09:16

10 mins is ages.

It's taken me that to read this thread.

Why not go round and apologise for the racket and maybe you'll find she offers you a cupper and it'll be a whole lot of stress off your back.

CremeEggThief · 21/03/2023 09:17

YABU. You should be embarrassed and ashamed of yourself and I don't see any hint of that in your first few posts.

Brefugee · 21/03/2023 09:28

I’m curious - why is a hot tub unreasonable???!

they're noisy, and often people have screamy shouty loud parties in them and disturb the neighbours. Are you new to MN 😁

tbh, I'm pretty live and let live, except that when my neighbours start fighting, I call the police. I live in hope that either he'll move out, or she'll leave him. It is a faint and probably vain hope. But i will not standby and have that going on next door to me without at least letting the police know. And there must be a tag on their address, because they often turn up while I'm still speaking to the police dispatcher.

RosyappleA · 21/03/2023 09:32

I can hear normal conversations with all my neighbours side to side and above me when I am alone and at night. During the day with my daughter there is background noise so I only notice if they are loud. New build. London.
Sorry your tired and stressed OP I only have one child and am absolutely exhausted 90% of the time. Ignore the neighbour. I am sure you will try and be more quiet in future. Raising our voices happens.

GoChasingWaterfalls · 21/03/2023 09:36

I've never had a shouting match with anybody, including my husband.

If I have an issue I'll talk to him about and if he disagrees we may have a more robust conversation but it has never, not once, devolved into shouting. What would that achieve?

RosyappleA · 21/03/2023 09:36
  • you’re. For the grammar police.
Quveas · 21/03/2023 09:37

Lonelymum27 · 21/03/2023 08:43

how? We’re not even at home all day unlike her. We had one little shouty argument on the night and I’m the neighbour from hell. Oh please

Show quote history

So if your husband was beating seven bells of hell out of you, or you were murdered or injured - which never, ever, happens to nice women living in new build houses who have MN accounts - that'd not be the neighbours business? Bottom line - if I can hear a violent argument going on next door, I am phoning the police (and have done in the past) and I don't care whether the two of you can't agree on the Eurovision entry or anything else. What you are arguing about isn't my concern. The casual ignoring of dometic violence in the country, until a woman is murdered or seriously injured when everybody wants to know why nothing was done about it, is my concern. If you don't want the police at your door, then keep it civil. It is not about being the neighbour from hell - it is about the fact that people need to stop ignoring domestic violence because it is none of their business.

Stravaig · 21/03/2023 09:43

For all we know, the police blue-lit it there because their dispatcher could hear OP and husband through the neighbour's phone!

Howdoyoulikeyourtea · 21/03/2023 09:55

It sounds like you are really struggling to juggle everything at the moment. Maybe use the shock of this to kickstart any changes that are possible. I know it’s not your AIBU but you sound at the end of your tether.

Pp have suggested one of you concentrate on the business whilst one of you steps back from that to concentrate on the dc. Is that possible? Even for a few hours a day?

Sleep deprivation is awful, can you take shifts at night? One sleeps as soon as older dc are sorted and then takes over in the later part of the night?

Do you have any family who can give you a break? I didn’t have so understand not everyone does.

I think you are being naïve to think your older dcs slept through this, you say you were at the top of the stairs so I’m guessing outside their bedrooms. I think you need to talk to them and reassure them.

Ten minutes shouting at each other really isn’t normal, if you feel this brewing again can you walk away? Even go and sit in the car if you have one or something?

Our neighbours are usually fairly quiet, we hear the tv or music occasionally and when they hoover etc. A few weeks ago my teenage dc woke me to tell me she was worried because she could hear them arguing through the wall. I went into her room and they were screaming abuse at each other and she was crying. We were in two minds as to whether we should ring the police, in the end they stopped and we left it, but I “happened to” need to see if my parcel was there the next day so I could see her. Not to mention it but because I was worried and wanted to see she was alive. It really did sound that bad.

Your neighbour might be a nosy trouble maker or she might have been seriously concerned. I would call round and apologise and thank her for her concern, even if you have to stop yourself from saying what you really think of her. This might put her mind at rest if she is really concerned, and will throw her if she was trying to upset you so is a win win.