Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Neighbour rang the police on us!

314 replies

Lonelymum27 · 20/03/2023 22:31

Miss busy body next door has just called the police on us! 10 minute argument and I went off upstairs to bed with DS. We’re both absolutely knackered DS isn’t sleeping so this has taking a toll on us and this is what caused the argument.

she’s rang the police on a few people on the estate before over nothing really,nothing I’d get worked up about.

police have just came banging down our doors and windows blue lights shouting police !gave us the shock of our lives left within minutes as they seen we was fine.

We feel absolutely humiliated now! AIBU to go round in the morning or should I just leave it?

OP posts:
butterfliedtwo · 21/03/2023 05:05

ijustwannahaveagoodnight · 20/03/2023 22:59

Well stop bloody shouting loud enough to disturb your neighbours then. Ffs

This! YABU.

pollykitty · 21/03/2023 05:07

I’ve had this happen to me too. I responded like it never happened and kept saying hello etc. Confronting your neighbor will not make you feel better and then you have the awkwardness of seeing them again. Acting like you aren’t bothered will make her feel a twit. You know what happened in yourself. It was not worth a police call. Don’t stoop to their level. I would say they might hear more than you think and could have just been sick of the noise. Still to involve the police is so low. I cannot stand the police though.
My neighbor has a dog that barks all the live long day and I work from home. Some days it grates so much but I just think ‘that’s life’. Listening to people argue is not pleasant but I highly doubt they thought you were in danger. They were just being CFs.

emptythelitterbox · 21/03/2023 05:17

I take it that this was at night.
Sound carries even more.

No way I want to be trying to relax or go to bed and have to listen to someone's domestic.

Learn to communicate and deal with your emotions and stress without loudly shouting.

HarlanPepper · 21/03/2023 05:23

miraveille · 21/03/2023 00:21

Your and your husbands behaviour is not normal and k say this with kindness. Don't argue when your kids are in bed, they CAN HEAR YOU. Have the maturity to walk away and talk when you're both calmer

"I say this with kindness" has got to be the most weasel-word mumsnet phrase ever.

henchhen · 21/03/2023 05:26

Annon1234 · 20/03/2023 23:20

I thought people that don’t argue with their partners were mythical creatures but apparently they all just congregate on here. Who knew.

I argue with my DH in that we disagree but I've never had a shouting match with him. We're both adults and can actually talk to resolve our differences.

HarlanPepper · 21/03/2023 05:28

And as another poster pointed out, it's notable how the people who claim never to raise their voices or say a thoughtless word to their partner, are gleefully piling on someone who is clearly feeling vulnerable and isolated already. Kindness, indeed.

Starlightstarbright1 · 21/03/2023 05:31

I am going to ignore the rest of it - how are you managing the sleep ? Can you take it i shifts ? Or alternate nights ?

Sleep deprivation is tough-

Autienotnautie · 21/03/2023 05:49

I wouldn't say anything. At best she was trying to help, at worst she was interfering. I'd just keep arguments a bit quieter going forward.

BluebellBlueballs · 21/03/2023 05:50

My friend had the police called on her when being attacked by her partner in a DV incident as the neighbour heard shouting.

They were brilliant and put a restraing order on him enabling her to leave the relationship.

How was your neighbour to know this was not the same?

Keep your voices down when having an argy in future

Stravaig · 21/03/2023 06:16

Neighbours calling the police should be a wake up call for you and your husband. Enlist support from family, friends, babysitters and get some rest. Get some counselling to work on your communication and parenting skills. Make sure your children have other adults they can turn to if they need support. Use foolproof contraception so you don't have another child when you're already not coping. Don't assume you know which neighbour reported you, and do apologise to all of them for causing disturbance and worry.

SmashedTable · 21/03/2023 06:17

I find it difficult to understand how you could have so little self-awareness. That you can't imagine that a 10-min shouting match might disturb neighbours (never mind those in the house!), that you put in a hot tub with so little space that the resulting noise disturbs the neighbours, that you don't know why your extra car was an irritant. If you want to keep upsetting neighbours, carry on. If you want to improve your relationships, try to think of situations from another person's point of view. You really should apologise for being such a pain.

Museya15 · 21/03/2023 06:17

How do you know she rang the police? Terrible shouting that loud in front of your child

wossgoinon · 21/03/2023 06:21

My neighbour called the police on me for everything! Kids playing in my garden -police. Created covid bubble with my partner -police. Even called the police when I had a party…. There was no party as we all go to bed about 9.
🤷‍♀️

Zanatdy · 21/03/2023 06:24

Yes all couples argue and sounds like this lady is a busy body. But at the same time people should be encouraged to phone the police if they genuinely fear for someone. I grew up in a household of constant arguments in front of us kids. Trust me we always knew and lying in bed pretending to be asleep was our tactic as it was so scary. Why do you take your child to work too? Surely childcare would be the preference?

ScentOfAMemory · 21/03/2023 06:24

wossgoinon · 21/03/2023 06:21

My neighbour called the police on me for everything! Kids playing in my garden -police. Created covid bubble with my partner -police. Even called the police when I had a party…. There was no party as we all go to bed about 9.
🤷‍♀️

How very unfortunate that such a perfect person is the victim of such a lot of complaints to the police.

GoodChat · 21/03/2023 06:29

If he can't cope with the baby why don't you take time off work and let him manage the business?

That way you get time away from each other and breathing space too.

DizzyLizzyKizzy · 21/03/2023 06:30

@ScentOfAMemory you do realise that their are batshit crazy people out there that do call the police at a drop of a hat?

My DS has had some weird and wonderful call outs for nothing.

Other than listening to deal or no deal is difficult, because it's summer holidays and the children next door are playing in the garden!

ExasperatedbyJanuary · 21/03/2023 06:31

HarlanPepper · 21/03/2023 05:28

And as another poster pointed out, it's notable how the people who claim never to raise their voices or say a thoughtless word to their partner, are gleefully piling on someone who is clearly feeling vulnerable and isolated already. Kindness, indeed.

My thoughts exactly. Some deeply nasty posters on this thread. Real hardcore nastiness.

If you think OP is really struggling, why oh why would you come out with all this ‘we never argue’, ‘no one in my family has ever shouted’, along with sneering at the hot tub and asking if she sits in the front garden? Such shameless snobbery and nastiness- possibly a new low.

Sorry OP. Hope you’ve had some sleep.

follyfoot37 · 21/03/2023 06:34

but you would be moaning yourxarse off if a woman was being assaulted at home and the police didn't come, orca neighbour didn't take any action

Mutabiliss · 21/03/2023 06:34

Another chipping in to say it's not normal to have 10 minute shouting arguments. 18 years here, of course we get cross with each other sometimes, but we don't shout and scream at each other. A brief raised voice of frustration is not going to bring the police to the door.

Poor child, I can't imagine how upsetting it must be to witness your parents fighting like that.

LoekMa · 21/03/2023 06:35

You could go around OP.. I called the Police on my neighbours too for a loud screaming match. Like its all good if you two know why you're fighting.

I'm on the outside and if those neighbours end up harming each other then the whole"oh we should have intervened" theatrics would begin.

So yeah. Your neighbour should Call the cops as often as needed.

Keep in mind that might put you on social services radar though so you might want to look into the root of the problem (exhaustion) and what you can do about that

wossgoinon · 21/03/2023 06:38

@ScentOfAMemory seriously??.

my neighbour is famous for it in our street. She even called the police on her 15 year old son who accidentally dropped his keyboard for criminal damage.

Not everyone who calls the police is a perfect person

follyfoot37 · 21/03/2023 06:39

Lonelymum27 · 20/03/2023 23:00

We live in a new build so you can hear everything 😩

When we got a new car and was selling our old one she told us to move it even though it wasnt effecting her. We bought a lazy spa hot tub in the summer she was slamming doors all day.

i would call the police on the basis you bought a hot tub
And she has rung the police, not rang

Mutabiliss · 21/03/2023 06:39

@ExasperatedbyJanuary I think posters want others reading who may be in similar relationships to understand that it's not normal, it's not ok and you should maybe consider whether this is a healthy relationship that should continue.

Personally I'm never entirely sure whether any of the stories on here are true, but they will reflect someone's life and people don't have to accept that kind of treatment.

Fruitfriend · 21/03/2023 06:40

Leaving aside our many non-conflict zen relationship posters (who all seem to be veteran forum trolls...), and taking OP at face value, what no-one seems to have picked up on it that this neighbour isn't your normal concerned party who's agonised and fretted and finally called 999. She is the Police Calling Lady who sits and waits for an opportunity to summon some trouble for people who have displeased her. I used to live next to one of those and can confirm many police callouts for normal arguments, legally parked cars, kids playing nicely etc because I saw/heard it too and I'm not mad.
(Her greatest hit was getting my neighbours door knocked in for a welfare check. Reason for call: Cat crying indoors all weekend, no sign of neighbour, worried human is hurt. Reality: Neighbour away for weekend, cat keeps miaowing because he's deaf and he miaows all the time. After that one we all made sure to exchange numbers with neighbours and keep each other updated on whereabouts.)