Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be scared people will judge us for buying a flat with a DC

153 replies

CommuterMummy · 20/03/2023 17:38

DH and I currently live with our school age DS in Surbiton, zone 6. We are renting but think of buying our first property in the next 1 or 2 years. We love living here, have made friends and have a lovely lifestyle with an easy commute to work, lots of local shops and cafes, parks and a good school for DS with good wrap around care. Sadly, our salaries will only allow us to get a flat here as houses are way too expensive and it’s unlikely we will be able to upgrade to a house if we get a flat first as we are late thirties and with a relatively limited earning potential (room for increases but not much, especially DH’s job).
All the people I have met at DS’s schools either live in beautiful houses or are in the process to sell their flats to upgrade (either in the same area or further out) so I am starting to wonder if we are the “weird” ones to consider raising our child in an apartment? I know this is a silly reason for wanting a house (well, of course I’d love a house and a garden) but I just cannot shake this “social anxiety” about living in a flat and I am scared DS will feel different from the other kids for that. Equally though, is it wise to uproot our life just for the sake of being more socially compliant with what the British society expects from families? I just need external opinions and experiences because I honestly cannot seem to find a solution in my mind and cannot stop obsessing about this.

OP posts:
Sapphire387 · 20/03/2023 17:39

#middleclassproblems

Aussierose2 · 20/03/2023 17:41

There's nothing wrong with living in a flat ! You should be proud that you've worked hard and managed to achieve that ! Don't worry about the Jones' and what they are all doing if you live within YOUR means and do what works for your family you will be happier than trying to keep up with others.

DelphiniumBlue · 20/03/2023 17:41

I work in a very expensive leafy area of London. Lots of the children at my school live in flats, some of them meet up in the communal gardens, which is fun for them.
Really, don't give it another thought.

FourTeaFallOut · 20/03/2023 17:41

This is one of those problems in life that you can solve entirely just by putting it down.

StrongandNorthern · 20/03/2023 17:44

Definitely a First World Problem.
Sorry, not trolling ... but really???

gemloving · 20/03/2023 17:44

Not a problem at all as long as you're happy with your decision. I wouldn't dream of judging anyone for having bought a flat and living in it.

Cheetak · 20/03/2023 17:45

You're part of the problem with that (snobby) attitude. You need to lose the complex or you'll make your child feel ashamed.

Hbh17 · 20/03/2023 17:45

Other people's opinions just don't matter - buy whatever you want, it really is of no significance to anyone else.

Capricornone1 · 20/03/2023 17:46

Jesus wept 🙄

Anotherturnipforthebooks · 20/03/2023 17:47

FourTeaFallOut · 20/03/2023 17:41

This is one of those problems in life that you can solve entirely just by putting it down.

This is excellent advice.

Fairyliz · 20/03/2023 17:48

I mean this is the nicest possible way, but no one else will give a shit.

JassyRadlett · 20/03/2023 17:48

I live I suspect very close to you, and recognise the 'beautiful homes' comment very much! I've got two kids in local primaries who live in every situation from tiny flats to enormous houses in the Southborough area. It's never been an issue for my kids with their friends - the school parents we've come across have been pretty down to earth.

You'll obviously get more families in houses in eg Berrylands and more in flats going to Maple and SASM, but right across is quite a mix.

Thefriendlyone · 20/03/2023 17:48

Equally though, is it wise to uproot our life just for the sake of being more socially compliant with what the British society expects from families

eh? British society doesn’t expect that, plenty folks live in flats with kids. What you on about. Is it ideal, no of course not, doesn’t mean it’s a societal expectation or anything else. We all live where we feel is the best for us, either due to cost or location or whatever.

ditalini · 20/03/2023 17:48

Good grief! Am I meant to feel ashamed that I'm bringing up my children in a flat? I thought I was doing pretty well when we moved on from a one-bed.

Anyone who cares isn't someone whose opinion is worthwhile op.

Plit · 20/03/2023 17:49

FourTeaFallOut · 20/03/2023 17:41

This is one of those problems in life that you can solve entirely just by putting it down.

Ha ha I love this!

Olinguita · 20/03/2023 17:51

It's totally normal in a lots of cities in Europe and Asia to rise families in flats and no-one would bat an eyelid if you were in Mumbai or Paris or Berlin.
I live in a flat in London with a DH and young son and I feel zero shame about it. We live in zone 4 with loads of green space nearby and we live within our means. Lots of my friends and relatives live in big houses with gardens. I don't sweat it - I'm happy for them. If they judge us for our lifestyle that's on them. The only thing I'm sad about is that we can't entertain lots of people at once as it gets too crowded but that's life...

3luckystars · 20/03/2023 17:51

Wonderful advice.

MrsTerryPratchett · 20/03/2023 17:52

I'd be more worried that you have such a homogeneous group of friends in London. DD has mates in rented flats all the way to bought houses.

None of the kids care. In fact the rented flat is a favourite because of the snack selection Grin

missmollygreen · 20/03/2023 17:52

No one cares

DrManhattan · 20/03/2023 17:54

It's a flat not a skip

Orangesandlemons77 · 20/03/2023 17:56

We've stayed in our flat now the DC are teens they are in the heart of the city and we don't need to downsize in future!

Olinguita · 20/03/2023 17:56

To be fair to the OP, I think there is a bit of a middle class British mentality that having a house is some kind of gold standard. I definitely have relatives who are a bit sniffy about the fact that I'm in a flat. However they are from an older generation in which it was possible to buy a "naice" house in the 'burbs on one middle class/white collar income. We don't live in that time any more so I just don't listen to them. I'm grateful for what I have.

CecilyP · 20/03/2023 17:56

There is also the potential to buy a flat with a garden (the 4 in a block type). Years ago we viewed on right by Richmond Park. It was way cheaper than a similar size house in a far less desirable part of Kingston.

ShapesAndNumbers · 20/03/2023 17:56

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Rebel2 · 20/03/2023 17:57

DrManhattan · 20/03/2023 17:54

It's a flat not a skip

That did make me laugh

I sort of get it, occasionally I don't feel like a "proper adult" because I live in a flat and don't have a house (I know, it's ridiculous)

Swipe left for the next trending thread