To be scared people will judge us for buying a flat with a DC

[CommuterMummy]

DH and I currently live with our school age DS in Surbiton, zone 6. We are renting but think of buying our first property in the next 1 or 2 years. We love living here, have made friends and have a lovely lifestyle with an easy commute to work, lots of local shops and cafes, parks and a good school for DS with good wrap around care. Sadly, our salaries will only allow us to get a flat here as houses are way too expensive and it’s unlikely we will be able to upgrade to a house if we get a flat first as we are late thirties and with a relatively limited earning potential (room for increases but not much, especially DH’s job).
All the people I have met at DS’s schools either live in beautiful houses or are in the process to sell their flats to upgrade (either in the same area or further out) so I am starting to wonder if we are the “weird” ones to consider raising our child in an apartment? I know this is a silly reason for wanting a house (well, of course I’d love a house and a garden) but I just cannot shake this “social anxiety” about living in a flat and I am scared DS will feel different from the other kids for that. Equally though, is it wise to uproot our life just for the sake of being more socially compliant with what the British society expects from families? I just need external opinions and experiences because I honestly cannot seem to find a solution in my mind and cannot stop obsessing about this.

It doesn’t matter what you do, someone, somewhere will judge you. So, just do what makes you happy/what you think is best.

I am fully aware of the fact that this is a forst world problem and I am partly ashamed for having these thoughts.
Mumsnet doesn’t help with this though as most people here seem so adamant that flats are not for raising kids in and you must get a house with a garden and a spare room if you have a family.

@Olinguita We are from Europe so I know this very well, which I suppose it is why I struggle to understand the British mindset about houses vs flats

I know Surbiton very well as I used to live there and have family there.

It is eye-wateringly expensive. The very day we moved out we couldn't afford to buy our old house back.

An apartment is fine. Huge numbers of Surbitonians live in apartments/flats.

The trouble with Surbiton is that so many of its inhabitants have no concept of ordinary life . It's beyond yummy mummy territory and people there have little inkling as to living an ordinary life.

A two up two down in a road off Maple Road is beyond most of the population by dint of the fact that you'd not spend £800k to live in a pokey Victorian terrace with no parking and almost no garden and often with a bathroom behind the kitchen .

Why would you listen to MN? I raised mine in a flat and I am by no means badly off. I don't want a house or a garden. I am an urban flat dweller. DC appear to have survived.

A lot of brits have lived overseas. I spent 6 years living in Paris. People living in a flat with their children wouldn't phase me. The majority of my neighbours in Paris had children.

Really? I know quite a few professional parents living in lovely flats, what is wrong with that?

Be confident with your decision & your DC will be. I have a lovely (but really tiny, more like a flat with a garden & garage) house in a beautiful area & when my DD has noticed it’s smaller than her friends, I explain why.

I also think Surbiton has a large number of flats being so handy for commuters and people with children must live in them. Actual houses in the area tend to be more substantial. Smaller houses are available In Kingston but not particularly cheap and some of the gardens are tiny. A flat would give you more space for your money.

A two up two down in a road off Maple Road is beyond most of the population by dint of the fact that you'd not spend £800k to live in a pokey Victorian terrace with no parking and almost no garden and often with a bathroom behind the kitchen.

Oh yes, a flat could be way more convenient and that bathroom could take up some of the already limited garden space.

@JaneFondue I know, I should stop reading MN. I recently came across a similar post and people kept saying how children need space, a garden, storage for bikes etc. I guess some people don’t realise what is “normal” for families outside of the UK as they don’t know any different

What do you mean?

Honestly. It's London.

A lot of people saying stuff like this won't even live in London.

You are being ridiculous.

London has lots of outdoor space. More than most cities in the world.

Some of the richest people in Asia, Europe and the US live in flats with their 'deprived' children and no gardens.

I despise gardening and am so glad I didn't sign up for that.

Some people will. Mostly inwardly. I’ve known people to comment oh but they didn’t want a flat (speaking of their kids buying their first homes), then quickly adding but a flat is fine of course (remembering I live in one!) That’s fine as I would rather live in a spacious flat in a good location rather than a small two up, two down near few amenities. Buy what suits you and your family. Most people don’t even care anyway.

Stifling how?

I grew up in a flat in a posh part of London. All my school friends lived in lovely big Victorian houses. I did feel a bit self-conscious sometimes when they came round to mine and made comments but ultimately it was what my parents could afford at the time. It was a mansion block with huge communal gardens and I spent loads of time playing outside so don’t feel I suffered from the lack of a garden. I live in a house now and actually miss the cosiness of a flat sometimes! I think it’s a great way to live, and think it’s sad that people can be snobby about it - the kids I knew must have been picking up attitudes from the parents. Not everyone was like that though! But there may be comments.

@ShapesAndNumbers it’s not about wanting to live somewhere expensive. It’s about wanting to live somewhere we love, where we feel at home, with a great commute, beautiful surroundings, good schools and lots of amenities that suit our lifestyle.

@SlippinKimmy not even another child in a flat? You see, this is what I am talking about. It’s like there is only way to do things in certain places

Can I have your flat? Though I can only offer another in exchange.

Seriously all those things are much more important than space to keep bikes.

Perhaps you should buy a bigger pair of diamond ones, OP.

Yeah, you'd have to be seriously uptight to think there's anything wrong with living a flat, especially if you own it! I doubt many do.

I know people around your area who live in flats with children OP. They have money and good jobs. Why the heck would this make you insecure??

First world problems indeed. A problem that you made for yourself, too.

It’s nobody’s business but yours and it’s not about where you come from it’s about where you’re going.

Get the flat and do not even think about it.
Your child will go to play to the park with friends, with you, with family... and you do not have to maintain it!
Do what is affordable for you.

@JaneFondue ahaha well we haven’t even got it yet, still saving🤣

It's a rare individual who isn't limited by budget when it comes to housing. You live in a dear area of the country and it happens that, like many people, you've got to make some compromises if you want to own a property. I don't live in London but I thought it was quite normal for people not to be able to afford houses there, plus there are always some who'll choose a flat as preference anyway just because they like it. Seems a non-issue to me.

There's absolutely nothing wrong with living in a flat although it's not seen as then most desirable option for families in the UK though. You need to be comfortable with your choice, will you feel left behind or lacking?

If you eventually would prefer a house though I would try now tbh due to your age, costs of moving & upheaval will be worse later. I also think flats take longer to gain equity these days.