So upset, not sure what to do

[Moonstarssunsky]

Posting here for traffic.
I'm not sure what to do over a stray cat I've been feeding etc.

I had my own cat until a few months ago when she sadly passed away. Before she passed however, a stray cat started to visit our garden and play with my cat.

The stray cat 'Tom' was so thin that we'd feed him everyday and provided shelter outside for him. We couldn't get close enough to get him into a cat carrier to take him to the vets.
After our Molly died, Tom became more confident with us and started to come into the house and stay overnight.

He put on weight and started to look healthy again. It was still difficult though trying to entice him into a cat carrier in order to check if he was chipped after all. He.was'nt neutered though, hence why we presumed he wasn't chipped either.
I recently borrowed a different kind of carrier to the one we already had, in the hope that it'd be easier to get Tom into it. Just to say, he's not the type of cat you can pick up easily.

Fast forward to yesterday, I was looking out the window and saw a young man walking past my house carrying Tom tightly in his arms. I ran out to speak to the man and saw that Tom was struggling to get free and was very distressed.
The man claimed that Tom was his cat and that he was taking him home as he hadn't seen him for some time.

I explained that we'd been caring for Tom and were gaining his confidence in us and that we'd love to keep him and get him checked and neutered at the vets.

The man was adamant however that Tom was his family pet, but admitted that he'd not been chipped. He said that his family were going to chip the cat immediately, and added that he'd make Tom into an indoor cat just so that he doesn't try to come back to me and my family.
The man let slip his house number (which was much further down the road) and hurried off with the cat still distressed.

I'm angry at myself for not trying to get Tom out of his arms, but I was concerned about repercussions if I did so. I'm also angry with myself for not ensuring we'd taken Tom to the vets sooner. I've no excuses for that, other than I was trying to gain his trust and needed the right carrier along with help from someone else to force him into the carrier if necessary.
A while after Tom was taken, my Dd and I visited the house where he's at and were told basically to go away (not very politely) once again, and that they'd be keeping the cat inside from now on.

I don't know what to do now. I'd love to offer money for Tom but I don't know whether to leave it for a while, as i.dont want to push things with this family.

They also have a few other cats (according to the going man) and so now I'm so upset that Tom is living with other pets and isn't happy there. If he was he wouldn't have left.
Sorry for rambling.

For some reason the thread was only showing as 2 pages so I missed all your lovely responses. You sound nice 🙄

I'm glad most people are responsible pet owners TBH.

Thanks
I did act on good faith, although now I'm concerned
they'll ensire the cat doesn't manage to get out, even if he's stressed.

If they do let it out, you need to leave it alone. It's not your cat. It's his and his families. Get yourself a new cat if you want one

You should know never to feed a cat, the rescues will give advice on when is appropriate to feed a potential stray but will try other options first.

Thank you to the posters who can see where I'm coming from. I acted in good faith as I was worried about this cat.

I feel better knowing that not everyone is against me for feeding him and keeping him warm.

To the posters who believe I'm 'unhinged' ... Which I find incredibly insulting, given the fact Tom was crying with distress and looked terrified.
I'm not a violent person at all, but when the young man said the cat wasn't chipped but his family would get him done and then he'd be turned into an indoor cat, I was upset by this, especially so when I said that would distress the cat being stuck inside, and his response to this was "I don't care".

Another reason I was upset is because I wouldn't know if he's still going to be kept healthy (although I now realize that MAYBE he was skinny bevause he didn't like the food he was given, I don't know). But not being able to see him (even from afar) would make me concerned for his well being.

Tom also loves to go out and explore, which is yet another reason I'd hate for him to now be cooped up. Thanks to those who've wrote it's my fault it's come to this. You don't know how much this made me cry. Maybe you're right, it is my fault. 🙁

As for Tom possibly being lost, there's no way he was lost, as the man lives within a distance the cat could easily find his way back if he wished.
As for me not putting a flyer through his actual door, I put them in the whole vicinity. Pardon me for not quite reaching every house. As a pp said though, why didn't the owners look for him?

Also, I've lost count of the posts accusing me of cat theft because I didn't want to see a malnourished looking cat sit in my garden looking pitiful..... He also used to sit there waiting outside in the pouring rain, you'd have to be heartless not to feed him.
I would also say that those of you piling onto me with anger because I fed a clearly hungry cat (who I assimed was a stray), well how would you feel if you found that YOUR CAT had gone missing, say due to genuinely being lost, and someone fed and looked after them whilst trying to find out if they were owned?

I'm sure you'd be grateful for someone giving your cat food if it'd lost it's bearings away from home.
Not everyone who feeds cats do so to steal them is all I'm trying to say.

Most people I believe just genuinely think the cat is either lost or a stray. So for the nasty posters who can't see this. Have a word with yourselves.
And to those posters who are nasty , thanks for making me feel much much worse than I already do.

OP - if you were genuinely concerned about this cat and were unable to get him medical attention, why on earth didn't you ring the RSPCA or Cat's Protection so they could come and help you?

Except the owner spotted him and picked him up…

The Op couldn’t get near him. For months… That simply means he was scared of the OP. Not that he was untamed.

Not sure why you're getting such a hard time OP. Sounds like the cat clearly wasn't cared for.

Anyone who can't be bothered to chip and neuter their cat doesn't deserve it. I also have an issue with people who half-adopt cats though (taking them in but not actually provided full vet care) as they also get neglected then.

If you genuinely feel he isn't being cared for you could report it.

I don't think there is much else you can do.

Awww I feel for you! You’ve connected with Tom and invested time and effort and it’s heartbreaking to be parted from him 😢

I’m sorry this happened to you! You were kind and generous to care for a cat that didn’t look well. I’m a house-cat owner and I get why people say stay away / don’t feed cats but if any of my babies were out cold and hungry I’d really appreciate someone like you for feeding them and trying to bond with them ❤️

Hopefully the man has learned he should take better care of Tom and offer him a home environment he likes to be in!

I would also say that those of you piling onto me with anger because I fed a clearly hungry cat (who I assimed was a stray), well how would you feel if you found that YOUR CAT had gone missing, say due to genuinely being lost, and someone fed and looked after them whilst trying to find out if they were owned?

I’d be furious they used my cat to make themselves feel good feeding them here and there for weeks or months rather than calling the RSPCA, Cats Protection or numerous other experienced cat charities that could have helped much quicker.

That would have been the sensible thing to do. Get someone out to catch, scan and if necessary treat, quickly.

Not sure why you're getting such a hard time OP. Sounds like the cat clearly wasn't cared for.

If she felt the cat "clearly wasn't cared for", then she should have rung an appropriate charity for help.

No, there’s no ‘technically’ about it.
It’s not your cat, this man says it’s his cat, it being chipped is irrelevant.
Very few cats are strays, it’s actually such a shitty thing to keep feeding a cat.

Did you miss the part where he started going into the OP's house?

A rescue will always advise the finder of a cat to ask for proof that the cat is owned by the person who claims to own it.

So she should turn a blind eye eh? Thank heavens not everyone (including the RSPCA and numerous other animal charities) thinks like you.

@Monsun RSPCA kill healthy animals. 'Prevention of cruelty' is a euphemism for killing them off when they feel like it.

Have you ever tried to get help from an animal charity like the RSPCA? Good luck with that!

OP - there’s absolutely no excuse for not making the vet your first port of call if you were concerned. By your own admission you didn’t know if he was chipped or not, yet continued to feed him and have him in your house.

Ten years ago I lost my much loved ginger Tom cat. He was a rescue, bought from
a shelter and had been with us over 8 years.

Neighbours had been feeding him and keeping him in their homes overnight, unbeknownst to us. He was always home when we got up in the morning and asking for his breakfast. One of these neighbours, who had made such a fuss of him, then reported him as a stray to the RSPCA who came and picked him up and rehomed him. By the time I realised what had happened and contacted them it was over a week later.

The RSPCA absolutely refused to believe my “version of events” ie the truth. They said it was impossible that he had been eating breakfast in my house the very same day they’d picked him up (and that he had therefore only “gone missing” when they took him). They told me he was malnourished when in fact he was constantly overweight and on a special diet as a result. They told me he had a serious medical condition - my vet assured me I could have had no idea about that at the time as it wouldn’t have shown symptoms, but that it would have been caught at his annual check up which was due the next month (also it was entirely treatable with medication).

The cat was chipped but, due to a system error, the chip details were still the original owners and not ours - no effort was made by RSPCA to follow up on this and find us via the shelter, although they had enough info to have done so if they’d wished. RSPCA refused to return him as it would apparently destroy their reputation to re-home animals and then ask for them back, even if a genuine error had been made. They refused to even entertain the idea of contacting the new owner to explain the cat had not in fact been a stray. They refused a home visit to verify the cat was being looked after.

I tried to contact the new owners independently via the microchip company multiple times but never got a response, which I presume is because the RSPCA told them not to. Perhaps they just didn’t care that they had taken someone’s much loved pet by accident. The
RSPCA were absolutely vile to deal with from beginning to end.

At the time I was dealing with new baby/ relationship breakdown/ job hunting/ serious illness of a parent, so was already stressed to the max and emotionally in bits.

To say I am not over the unfairness and distress of this a decade later is not an understatement. It doesn’t prevent me functioning, obviously, but I do still think about it regularly and find it immensely upsetting each and every time.

You had no idea of the cat’s status, or its owners’ situation. Paper collar, taking it to vet, putting up posters, using nextdoor or SM to try and find out - any of these would have been appropriate. Stealing the cat and complaining when it was later taken home is massively out of order. Honestly, no wonder they’d like to keep him in if this is how their neighbors behave.

Can you get the RSPCA to do a welfare check? I don't think a cat willing to go hungry wants to go back to their house.

Also, if he's not chipped, what proof do they have that he's theirs?

And if they haven't seen him for a while, where were the posters all over the place that always seem to go up when cats wander off where I live?

And did you miss the bit where she couldn’t put a paper collar on him or take him to the vet the entire time?

She could have called someone experienced to come and scan the cat or fit a paper collar.

Yes - all our local charities are more than happy to come and trap cats and help find their owners. Some even come out within an hour or two.

There's being hungry and acting hungry.

The phrase "Six Dinner Sid" didn't come from nowhere - my three are capable of full on yowling if they think there's another meal in it for them, even if they've only just been fed

Well I didn’t only mention them did I… The point is the Op didn’t even try and get the cat help.

Cats protection came out for a lost cat in less than two days here. Scanned it and returned it right away.

Same with a local charity that have microchip scanners.

Feeding a cat that is ill and malnourished - as the OP claims - isn’t a good idea. No matter how much she protests otherwise. If she was genuinely concerned she’d have got the cat help surely?

That's not what I was told by woman who runs the local cat rescue. There are lots of stray cats. Apparently there are approx 250,000 stray cats in urban areas in the UK this was reported last year and I imagine this has increased with the cost of living crisis.

Why don’t you just adopt a cat? Rather than steal someone else’s

My ginger Parkin looked skinny compared to how you'd imagine a cat should look. But vets said he was a healthy weight.

As a PP said, it can be that we don't know what a healthy cat should look like as so many are chubby.

They do look even cuter when they're a slightly cuddlier shape, but it's not good for them.

It may have been stuck in a shed or something for a while.

Move on from this. Take Dd to the animal shelter at the weekend and pick out your own kitten. Or two.