So upset, not sure what to do

[Moonstarssunsky]

Posting here for traffic.
I'm not sure what to do over a stray cat I've been feeding etc.

I had my own cat until a few months ago when she sadly passed away. Before she passed however, a stray cat started to visit our garden and play with my cat.

The stray cat 'Tom' was so thin that we'd feed him everyday and provided shelter outside for him. We couldn't get close enough to get him into a cat carrier to take him to the vets.
After our Molly died, Tom became more confident with us and started to come into the house and stay overnight.

He put on weight and started to look healthy again. It was still difficult though trying to entice him into a cat carrier in order to check if he was chipped after all. He.was'nt neutered though, hence why we presumed he wasn't chipped either.
I recently borrowed a different kind of carrier to the one we already had, in the hope that it'd be easier to get Tom into it. Just to say, he's not the type of cat you can pick up easily.

Fast forward to yesterday, I was looking out the window and saw a young man walking past my house carrying Tom tightly in his arms. I ran out to speak to the man and saw that Tom was struggling to get free and was very distressed.
The man claimed that Tom was his cat and that he was taking him home as he hadn't seen him for some time.

I explained that we'd been caring for Tom and were gaining his confidence in us and that we'd love to keep him and get him checked and neutered at the vets.

The man was adamant however that Tom was his family pet, but admitted that he'd not been chipped. He said that his family were going to chip the cat immediately, and added that he'd make Tom into an indoor cat just so that he doesn't try to come back to me and my family.
The man let slip his house number (which was much further down the road) and hurried off with the cat still distressed.

I'm angry at myself for not trying to get Tom out of his arms, but I was concerned about repercussions if I did so. I'm also angry with myself for not ensuring we'd taken Tom to the vets sooner. I've no excuses for that, other than I was trying to gain his trust and needed the right carrier along with help from someone else to force him into the carrier if necessary.
A while after Tom was taken, my Dd and I visited the house where he's at and were told basically to go away (not very politely) once again, and that they'd be keeping the cat inside from now on.

I don't know what to do now. I'd love to offer money for Tom but I don't know whether to leave it for a while, as i.dont want to push things with this family.

They also have a few other cats (according to the going man) and so now I'm so upset that Tom is living with other pets and isn't happy there. If he was he wouldn't have left.
Sorry for rambling.

Only a fuckin idiot owner let's an unneutered cat out to roam and I say that as a vet nurse.

Sorry you're being flamed on here OP. I'm also very sorry for your loss of Molly.

I understand why you’re upset and worried OP. It’s easy to say don’t feed other people’s cats etc but when you see a cat and it’s skin and bones, obviously you assume it’s a stray and want to help it/take care of it. I also get why you’re upset that the cat will be distressed having to be an indoor cat now and it must be so upsetting after the death of your own cat . My heart goes out to you and I get that you’d honestly just pay anything to get Tom back and make it ok again for him… I really do. I think, sadly that there’s not much you can do but I really feel for you because I know you’re really upset about it I completely understand why. You bonded with him as he learned to trust you. That hurts to have that taken away and especially when you worry that he’s going to be ok.

@Moonstarssunsky I do feel for you in this situation, & for Tom.
I would get advice from the RSPCA, say that the cat was very unhappy, untamed & malnourished when you started caring for him. That this man provided no proof of ownership & that given the feral nature of Tom you are concerned about him in a houseful of cats.
Alternatively you could pop a note through the door of the people who claim to be the owners, say that you have developed an attachment to the cat, have been feeding him because you thought he was a stray & because he was malnourished at the time. You are aware of the position but you would like them to consider you if he doesn't settle in as expected. You will foot the bill for neutering etc.
If nothing else it's a big life lesson, claiming his would have meant getting him chipped & there would be no problem then. I'm just sorry that this has happened to you

Maybe it escaped.

Insensitive much

Why is that insensitive? It wasn't her cat.

Another poster not looking beneath the surface. There are medical reasons why a cat may not be able to be neutered and there are even more that will result in weight loss. Feeding a cat that’s on a special diet and locking it in away from medication isn’t going to do it any good is it ? And I think it’s fairly evident that the OP was doing her best to keep the cat - to the point where she considered snatching it out of the owners’ arms !!

No one owns a bloody cat. Absolutely ridiculous. A cat may grace you with its presence; but you certainly don't own it

He may well be on medication now. That hisnowners are paying for.

Kindly, I know you are coming froma good place, but you had your chance to do what needed to be done and put him in a carrier and take him to the vet. You didnt.

The owner cares enough to find him and bring him home.

FWIW, the cat wouldnt have benefitted from being pulled out of someones arms.

Are you a cat? You seem to think you know a lot about what cats are thinking and feeling? You’re spouting your theories based on nothing but your own thoughts. You are not a cat, therefore you don’t actually know what the cat is thinking. You know what you’re thinking through. That’s not the same. It’s incredible stressful for many cats who are used of being outdoors to suddenly have to adapt to being indoors only. That’s why every animal rehoming shelter clearly states if a cat is used of being outdoors that it needs outdoor access if you’re planning on rehoming it. But please, just make stuff up!

Perhaps the cat lost that weight while living as a stray. I know it's hard but try not to worry about it too much. At least his family care about him and want to keep him, he wasn't kicked out.

Get in touch with your local Cats Protection/RSPCA and find another cat who will benefit from all the love you have.

A cat from a loving home would be neutered and chipped.

What efforts did the owner make to find the missing cat? There are daily posts on social media for missing pets, and they have a much better chance of being reunited if they are chipped.

A most gorgeous little cat one day ran into our house and started to eat from our cat's bowl in the kitchen. Would have loved her lol! The vet found her chip and she was reunited with her family after being missing for 7 weeks.

OP, I am sorry that you've had to endure so many mean-spirited and frankly rude posts. I adore cats, and if you were feeding one of mine and keeping it from home I'd probably nail your balls to a lamppost!! 😁However it's clear you have a good heart, and you fell in love with Tom, and he was there after you lost your darling Molly to help you heal a little. You were trying to do a good thing for a little furry that you thought needed help, and don't let anyone kick you for that.

Tom may come back - especially if he's not neutered, there will be no keeping him in. It's a shame you didn't take him to be checked for a chip/neutered when he started coming into the house. There are 2 full toms that wander around here - think they are owned, but skinny, and they've been around a few years now. If I could get my hands on them I would get them neutered, doubt the owners would even bloody notice!! Probably best for the sake of your heartstrings though not to feed him.

Our boy passed last year after 13 years and he was straying when he came to us - he was in a sorry state. Maybe someone had owned him, but he was thin, unkempt, unwell and couldn't even miaow. Very few cats were chipped then so it was harder to go about finding an owner, and he wasn't neutered either. He was utterly petrified of feet for years and would attack if you accidentally put your foot in the wrong place. So maybe I stole someone's cat too, but he loved his life with us so much and was so very happy. Would I feed a stray now? No, but I'd make every effort to find out whether he was chipped or had gone missing. Rescues will keep cats for a period of time too, but will eventually rehome so that might have been the way to go with Tom - but you didn't know that.

Do what I did - heal your heart by bringing furry love back. We adopted two rescues, one had been neglected and was surrendered in the end to the rescue, the other had been straying in a city centre. They've become fully indoor cats, their choice, and they live a life of love and luxury.

Why is it when people want to steal someone else's cat it's always 'it was so skinny, obviously starving'. Surely as a former cat owner you are aware that cats are semi wild animals and are perfectly capable of hunting/scavenging for their own food. Highly unlikely that a cat in this country is going to starve to death even if the owner never fed it. It's more likely that the cat was naturally skinny and you have now made it overweight by feeding it in addition to it's regular meals.
My cat is overweight. I know he is being fed by one of my neighbours, but I don't know who and he won't stay indoors, so I can't do much about it. If I reduce his meals at home he will just go there and I'll lose him. He is very clearly a loved pet (microchipped and has a collar) and it absolutely infuriates me. DONT FEED OTHER PEOPLE'S CATS

Can just imagine the op tackling the man and trying to take his own cat out of his arms 🤣

Sorry op but it’s not your cat, you have no right to try and take it out of someone’s arms. If you have concerns report to the rspca. You don’t know the circumstances or if the cat is unwell or just old and a little thin

The op might not have benefitted either wrestling a cat out of someone's arms, in fairness!! I wouldn't recommend it lol!

Find it very unlikely that a cat could be neutered for medical reasons, not a male anyway. Our laddo was 14 when he was neutered.

It's my thread now, and it's about candles

She lives in a country where dogs are treated better than women

And better than the poor who can't afford healthcare.

There is no legal obligation to microchip cats (well not just yet) , and what ‘proof of ownership’ would you suggest?

If this man says it’s his cat, then who are you to argue? You know it’s not yours.

YABU only because Tom is a shit name for a cat.

I thought dogs had to be chipped by law.

From 2024 cats have to be chipped by law also. £500 fine for non compliance. A chip costs about £30.

They're my dogs. And candles. You didn't look after the thread properly because other people have posted on it since you did.

Because I think there's reason to believe that this cat was neglected. It is gaslighting to suggest that 'its all in op's head' - how would you know? Cats don't just suddenly become underweight. I'm sure that the cat was unhappy if there's quite a few cats they don't generally like crowds & this one sounds pretty untamed if no-one can get near him.
If he'd had medical issues the owner should have taken him to the vet & they didn't. Plus this is unlikely because the cat was putting on weight following care from OP.

To dismiss all of these factors is (being polite) - insensitive

Candles aren't living beings though are they?
And dogs have to be chipped by law. As will cats next year

What was the man like? Could you get a giant net and catch the man whilst holding the cat and keep them both? Name him Tim.