So upset, not sure what to do

[Moonstarssunsky]

Posting here for traffic.
I'm not sure what to do over a stray cat I've been feeding etc.

I had my own cat until a few months ago when she sadly passed away. Before she passed however, a stray cat started to visit our garden and play with my cat.

The stray cat 'Tom' was so thin that we'd feed him everyday and provided shelter outside for him. We couldn't get close enough to get him into a cat carrier to take him to the vets.
After our Molly died, Tom became more confident with us and started to come into the house and stay overnight.

He put on weight and started to look healthy again. It was still difficult though trying to entice him into a cat carrier in order to check if he was chipped after all. He.was'nt neutered though, hence why we presumed he wasn't chipped either.
I recently borrowed a different kind of carrier to the one we already had, in the hope that it'd be easier to get Tom into it. Just to say, he's not the type of cat you can pick up easily.

Fast forward to yesterday, I was looking out the window and saw a young man walking past my house carrying Tom tightly in his arms. I ran out to speak to the man and saw that Tom was struggling to get free and was very distressed.
The man claimed that Tom was his cat and that he was taking him home as he hadn't seen him for some time.

I explained that we'd been caring for Tom and were gaining his confidence in us and that we'd love to keep him and get him checked and neutered at the vets.

The man was adamant however that Tom was his family pet, but admitted that he'd not been chipped. He said that his family were going to chip the cat immediately, and added that he'd make Tom into an indoor cat just so that he doesn't try to come back to me and my family.
The man let slip his house number (which was much further down the road) and hurried off with the cat still distressed.

I'm angry at myself for not trying to get Tom out of his arms, but I was concerned about repercussions if I did so. I'm also angry with myself for not ensuring we'd taken Tom to the vets sooner. I've no excuses for that, other than I was trying to gain his trust and needed the right carrier along with help from someone else to force him into the carrier if necessary.
A while after Tom was taken, my Dd and I visited the house where he's at and were told basically to go away (not very politely) once again, and that they'd be keeping the cat inside from now on.

I don't know what to do now. I'd love to offer money for Tom but I don't know whether to leave it for a while, as i.dont want to push things with this family.

They also have a few other cats (according to the going man) and so now I'm so upset that Tom is living with other pets and isn't happy there. If he was he wouldn't have left.
Sorry for rambling.

Yes I've accepted it. I just hope he's looked after.

Listen, don't even try any more. Some people just won't listen, they're so far up their own backsides.

I get it, you got very attached to this little cat especially after you lost your own furbaby.

I've had neighbours' cats call over and they weren't being fed. Their owners knew. Broke my hearts on two particular occasions as I'd got really attached, and the owners moved house, but I always knew they weren't my cats.

its amazing that the vast majority of comments are telling you this but you’re refusing to accept you’ve done anything wrong.

This is all a bit overdramatic!

OP, not meaning this in a snipey way, I think you've got too invested with this cat and maybe it's best to accept that he's back with his owner and think about getting yourself a new cat once you're ready.

And if you're upset to the point of being in tears by people saying rude things, it's probably best not to ask for opinions on AIBU!

The totally outrageous part is going and knocking on their door.

Pipe down, you seem very aggressive.

I'm going to explain once more in simple terms. Take your time trying to let it sink in instead of spouting off.

Right, here goes ..... I was planning to get the cat neutered, and IF IF IF IF IF IF IF IF (do you need anymore IF'S? ) it turned out he was already chipped, then obviously I would've found out he belonged to someone and his owner would've been contacted.
IF, as I believed, he wasn't already chipped, I would've asked the vet to chip him so I could be his official owner.

This is one of the reasons people chip their pets, so everyone knows who owns them.
What would you expect me to do? ... Say to the vet 'oh don't bother chipping him, as he might have an owner somewhere'

What would things be like if people did that? .... Don't chip the pets on the off chance someone says they own the cat/dog whatever?
I've explained already, I tried to find a possible owner, but no owner made much of an effort to find Tom.
I believed he was a stray because he was not chipped and not neutered.

Now. Once again. Please go away.

You're right, it's futile getting through to some people.
My mind boggles that no matter what I say or how I explain things, it's still ...

"Youre trying to lure/entice/steal a cat"

No I'm not. End of

I have to say, I think it’s the OP (and maybe you) who isn’t listening. The OP did wrong, not intentionally, but she did.

Wanting to wrestle ‘Tom’ from his owners’ arms after he had found him, going to the owners’ house to plead with them to let her have their cat, none of this is reasonable behaviour. Not to mention the initial feeding of an unknown cat, luring it inside and making no effort to find out of it had an owner by way of a paper collar.

I really, really don’t understand why you, her and some other posters cannot see this.

Is the love for cats that blinding? Maybe it is. It’s madness.

But OP, why did you want to take the cat out of his arms, why did you go to their house to ask if you could have him instead of them? It’s so unreasonable to do that. I think that’s what’s blown minds in this thread. Those behaviours.

I’m trying to be kind. I love animals. I have horses and goats and chickens and dogs, and cows and pigs… and I’ve had to really severely get involved with people ‘trying to be nice’ and feeding my horses ham sandwiches among other ludicrous offerings. I have signs up, I am never far from the horses but still stupid morons trespass on my land and feed my horses any kind of crap they have on them. People feeding animals that aren’t theirs pisses me off, admittedly.

I’m sure you fed that cat the best you could but still. He wasn’t yours. And if you live in a densely populated area, the likelihood would be he had a home and an owner.

I seriously give up.

I can't be arsed anymore explaining and justifying myself to a bunch of posters who are absolutely determined to twist my words and over exagerrate about the situation.
.
I was very upset by some posts yesterday , as things were still so raw. Now, I'm angry that people on Aibu will put you down for trying to help an animal even.

You will be accused of all sorts, you'll be disbelieved and made out you're crazy, just for caring about something.

To those of you who've been very insulting to me, you sound heartless and cruel. Thankfully, there are decent posters who can understand why I cared for the cat.
And if anyone wants to know the answers to their constant same old questions, read my posts.

Just to end.
I've accepted that Tom isn't mine, Although I just wish that his owners could know that I would rather them feel ok to let him go out, and I'd be prepared to not feed him anymore or allow him in the house.

It would be hard for me to basically ignore the cat, but I'd do that if it meant he was free to go out.

You are absolutely batshit. You've had 95% of people tell you that you're being unreasonable and yet you still can't see it. Repeat your weak excuses all you like, maybe it makes sense to you but most people on here realise you're clueless

Christ on a bike, you went to their house?! 🤦🏻‍♀️

OP, I am sorry that your cat died. I know how this loss feels.. It seems like there is a cat-shaped hole in your heart, and perhaps this could be filled by a rescue cat that needs the sort of love and attention you can give.

Absolutely 100% this. So deluded it's unreal.

That ship had long sailed!

I'm also astounded that I'm one breath you're saying if a cat is loved it will stay home and then the next you're saying that a PP that allowed their cat to go live next door (a family pet!!) that they were right!

The fact that they’ve said the won’t is indicative of the boundaries you’ve crossed. You went to their house!!

This happened to us. Neighbour nicked our cat because she kept feeding him, she’s extremely unreasonable. It’s been very upsetting for us.

That's so wrong

Oh I hear you - I hear you loud and clear and all of the rest of you piling on to shout at this poster. It's not like she fucking abused the cat!!

I would be livid if someone knowingly and deliberately tried to take my cat. Hopefully that won't happen, because my cats are indoors.

Not everyone is well versed in cat rescue etiquette. If I didn't follow lots of local rescues on social media, I wouldn't have known about paper collars, and I have had cats my whole life.

I really, really don't know why you and other posters can't just back off and leave it now, because I think the OP has been left in little doubt over her 'crime'. Maybe though she should be billing the owner for the food their cat ate??? I don't see any evidence either that the owner went to a great deal of trouble to look for the cat either.

I'd be distressed too if someone just picked up and claimed a cat just like that! Particularly one I'd become attached to. Don't you realise that there are evil people who pick up innocent little cats in the streets and use them for dog baiting etc? Which is why rescues are so concerned about cats being advertised on Gumtree, and rescues advise anyone rehoming their cat to check out the person who's taking it?

Do you get some kind of perverse pleasure from having a go at someone over and over again?

No wonder I prefer cats!!!

Not everyone is well versed in cat rescue etiquette.

The OP has claimed the cat was malnourished. Not “a little thin” or “a wee bit skinny” malnourished.

she had a cat of her own. She didn’t even bother to ask her own vet advice what to do with the malnourished cat…

So either the cat wasn’t remotely malnourished - because who on earth would proceed “gently” and spend months rather than get them help? - or the OP didn’t actually get an animal the help it needed.

The fact she can’t see that at all and still thinks she did the right thing ks the reason people are still replying, because the next time a “malnourished” cat appears the Op will no doubt do the exact same thing again as she’s so adamant she was right.

All the bollockings in the world from random strangers on the internet aren't going to change that, are they?

The OP saw a very thin cat, and she fed it. I'd have done the same pre-chips and social media. I wouldn't do it now, because I'd seek help instead, and have done. It can take a while for the cat to become confident enough to be close enough to catch. Yes, I'd have called a cat rescue and got the cat trapped and checked for a chip. If the OP had done this, and the cat had not been claimed, he would eventually have been rehomed and she could have adopted him legitimately and officially.

She probably didn't seek vet advice because when the cat put on some weight and started to trust her, he seemed healthy? Again, at this point he should have been chip checked. Maybe unconsciously the OP didn't want to find out if he was chipped, because she had fallen in love with Tom. He should have been neutered then too.

It seems that the cat actually never left his street, so I do wonder how the owner was not reunited with him before, and how he didn't make his way home at some point - and how long he had actually been missing.

I can see where the OP went wrong, but she was being kind to the cat, and I don't think this pile-on of abuse is helpful or constructive. But feel free to keep on kicking her, if that's what you need to do to make you feel self-righteous.

I hope she will visit a rescue and adopt a cat or two that are truly hers.

She probably didn't seek vet advice because when the cat put on some weight and started to trust her, he seemed healthy?

And the point that keeps being missed is how long did that take?

The OP is expecting to be treated like the hero saviour of this cat. Yet she actually saw an animal she claimed was malnourished - not thin, malnourished - and didn’t seek help.

If she can’t see what she did wrong then hopefully at least anyone else reading the thread won’t think it acceptable to leave a malnourished cat without proper help for weeks or months in the hope they’ll put on a bit of weight

I am sure she is more than suitably chastened at this point.