So upset, not sure what to do

[Moonstarssunsky]

Posting here for traffic.
I'm not sure what to do over a stray cat I've been feeding etc.

I had my own cat until a few months ago when she sadly passed away. Before she passed however, a stray cat started to visit our garden and play with my cat.

The stray cat 'Tom' was so thin that we'd feed him everyday and provided shelter outside for him. We couldn't get close enough to get him into a cat carrier to take him to the vets.
After our Molly died, Tom became more confident with us and started to come into the house and stay overnight.

He put on weight and started to look healthy again. It was still difficult though trying to entice him into a cat carrier in order to check if he was chipped after all. He.was'nt neutered though, hence why we presumed he wasn't chipped either.
I recently borrowed a different kind of carrier to the one we already had, in the hope that it'd be easier to get Tom into it. Just to say, he's not the type of cat you can pick up easily.

Fast forward to yesterday, I was looking out the window and saw a young man walking past my house carrying Tom tightly in his arms. I ran out to speak to the man and saw that Tom was struggling to get free and was very distressed.
The man claimed that Tom was his cat and that he was taking him home as he hadn't seen him for some time.

I explained that we'd been caring for Tom and were gaining his confidence in us and that we'd love to keep him and get him checked and neutered at the vets.

The man was adamant however that Tom was his family pet, but admitted that he'd not been chipped. He said that his family were going to chip the cat immediately, and added that he'd make Tom into an indoor cat just so that he doesn't try to come back to me and my family.
The man let slip his house number (which was much further down the road) and hurried off with the cat still distressed.

I'm angry at myself for not trying to get Tom out of his arms, but I was concerned about repercussions if I did so. I'm also angry with myself for not ensuring we'd taken Tom to the vets sooner. I've no excuses for that, other than I was trying to gain his trust and needed the right carrier along with help from someone else to force him into the carrier if necessary.
A while after Tom was taken, my Dd and I visited the house where he's at and were told basically to go away (not very politely) once again, and that they'd be keeping the cat inside from now on.

I don't know what to do now. I'd love to offer money for Tom but I don't know whether to leave it for a while, as i.dont want to push things with this family.

They also have a few other cats (according to the going man) and so now I'm so upset that Tom is living with other pets and isn't happy there. If he was he wouldn't have left.
Sorry for rambling.

I really hope you find her. Was she a pedigree if you don't mind me asking?

Did she just not come back one day after going out? I can't remember what you said originally I've had a long day.

My cat is non stop attention. Been on the go since 7am.

Not your cat.
Back off.

My cat is a big furry boy who is very social. He's also incredibly nosey and gets himself in stupid places. He's been locked in my neighbours house overnight, the car, someone else's car! A building site, a shed of some kind and that's just a few.

He actually jumped out of a second floor window 3 days after I adopted him because he loves being outdoors and free. He vanishes for days at a time quite often.

Guess what? I had to put him on Facebook because I hadn't seen him for 4 days. He was EIGHT houses away, stealing their hedgehog food and bedding.

I know other people have fed him, there's a pattern. And its irritating. He's my cat, he's a very much loved member of family but cats are not loyal creatures, they will go wherever the food is.

That’s good 😊 But this man must have reason to believe you’ll ‘take’ his cat again. Convincing him you won’t and not interacting with the cat will mean that he’s allowed to go outside again. You said you just wanted the cat to be happy and that’s one good way to make him happy.

I wouldn’t place any importance on the cat struggling in the man’s arms. Some cats don’t like being held. The very fact this man was able to pick ‘Tom’ up when you hadn’t been able to shows he very probably is his owner. I expect the man was a bit annoyed because he might have been looking for his cat, wondering why it hadn’t come home, etc - and then realised you’d been feeding him. By going round to the owner’s house, you kind of reinforced the idea that you’d ‘taken’ his cat. That will be why the owner is keeping him in. If the owner is confident you’ll ensure ‘Tom’ is ignored and not fed, I’m sure he’d relax and let him out soon.

I once saw an awfully scrawny, mangy cat that looked very neglected. I was about to phone the RSPCA but spoke to a neighbour who explained the cat had an owner nearby and had a severe allergy for which it was receiving treatment - hence the thinness and fur loss. So, things aren’t always what they seem and sometimes there’s an innocent explanation. I don’t doubt you acted out of kindness, but I do think your own desires coloured your actions a bit. I understand why and I understand why you’re upset, but ‘Tom’ being back home is a good thing. You can now invest your love in a cat that needs help. There are so many waiting to be adopted.

Can you contact the RSPCA and request a welfare check visit. I would be concerned too. If you’re kind enough to check on the cat then the neighbour shouldn’t be aggressive

I have two cats - both black, rescued from the RSPCA 7 years ago. One pretty much stays in the house and is scared of everything, the other likes to roam (or so we thought). He has allergies and every so often, his fur falls out - it makes him look very thin and scrawny, but on every occasion, when I have taken him to the vet, the vet has told me that he is actually overweight and I should put him on a diet! However, people have remarked that he looks like a stray when he is like this because he looks really thin and unkempt. He would also eat six meals a day if I would feed him that much.

There was a very old lady who lived next door - he liked to sneak into her house and sleep on the beds and as she got older and frailer, we would often come home and see him curled up on her lap as she sat in her chair in the window. She claimed she never fed him and loved his company as she was very frail and quite lonely, so we let it go as he would always come home for food. He obviously liked spending time with her too.

The old lady passed away a few weeks ago - I have since discovered that all the time I thought he was "Roaming", he was actually in her house, because since she died, he spends nearly all his time at home. I have since discovered from her relatives that it wasn't entirely true that she didn't feed him - I don't think she ever properly fed him - just gave him cat treats and scraps.

Moral of the story - Just because a cat looks thin and unkempt and appears hungry, doesn't mean that they are - always safer to get an expert to check them over or put a paper collar on them. Our cat always came home because the old lady didn't feed him (properly) so you can steal a cat by feeding them.

I'm sorry you lost your own cat op, there are so many cats in rescue centres needing good homes, maybe you should think about adopting one and leave Tom to his owner?

Also I take it you have either now owned a cat, owned a cat that has not had to go to the vet or your cat is very good and does exactly what you want at exactly the right time?

My cat runs away when she sees the carrier. It takes us two to wrestle her into it. We've tried everything to train her to go in.

She just won't. And obviously she knows us and feels safe so she allows us to pick her up. But when the carrier is involved she turns like a wildcat with my DP. She hisses at him and bites him.

Me she wriggles but doesn't hurt me or hiss. So my DP stands with the carrier roof as I keep her still. Its a whole juggling act.

This cat might not have been OK being picked up and put in a carrier

But @Justbefair , if your mum saw someone else with one of those strays, would she have turned up at their house?

Sorry strong not your cat!
I have two brother and sister. Our girl hates to go out and if she does stays mainly in our back garden (she doesn't cat well) our boy hates being in he gets restless fights his sister if he is feeling couped up so he is out more often than not. He gets fed at 2 old ladies houses one if which came round and said would it not be best he lived with me You know cats choose when they want to be, no they don't cats choose to go based on where they will get fed and believe me 4 wet sachets and a cup of dry food a day he isn't starved here (both mainecoon so big appetites) I sent her on her way and purchased a tracker and collar we would then turn his alarm and light in to find him and carry him home 2 months later replaced them as missing, snap collar so assume he had pinged it off, this time with a buckle collar that then mysteriously disappeared he doesn't have thumb by the way
Now work at home 3 days out of 5 I work downstairs to keep an eye out for him to call him in for food when he is wandering the streets /gardens and the kids pick him up on route home from school. I have categorically told them both to stop feeding and reiterated it on a local Facebook page
Repeat not your cat should have asked if anyone knew of him on a local Facebook page should never feed another's cat. Boils my blood people trying to steal others cats
I

Cat's aren't property but they do have owners and that should be respected.

If you're worried report this to the rspca so they can do a welfare check. But you need to back off unless the rspca find there is a problem.

"I'm not sure what to do over a stray cat I've been feeding etc."

You leave it alone now that you know the cat is not a stray and has an owner.
Don't attempt to feed it

I'm angry at myself for not trying to get Tom out of his arms, but I was concerned about repercussions if I did so. I'm also angry with myself for not ensuring we'd taken Tom to the vets sooner. I've no excuses for that, other than I was trying to gain his trust and needed the right carrier along with help from someone else to force him into the carrier if necessary.

What good would taking him to the vets have done if the owner hadn't chipped him? Or are you suggesting that you would have chipped him yourself and claimed him?

A while after Tom was taken, my Dd and I visited the house where he's at and were told basically to go away (not very politely) once again, and that they'd be keeping the cat inside from now on.

Totally understandable reaction, in the face of what (from their perspective) is a person who is likely to feed their cat again.

I don't know what to do now. I'd love to offer money for Tom but I don't know whether to leave it for a while, as i.dont want to push things with this family.
They also have a few other cats (according to the going man) and so now I'm so upset that Tom is living with other pets and isn't happy there. If he was he wouldn't have left.

They clearly want to keep the cat. Do not offer them money. Go to a cat rescue centre and adopt one from there instead.

Cats roam even when they're happy. They're territorial and they roam around protecting their territory - and their territory can be surprisingly large.
They also go where food is, even if they are well-fed at home. The cat's wandering is not an indication of unhappiness in their home.
Equally, thinness and unkempt fur are also not an indication of neglect - you have no idea of the cat's medical history.

Anyway, the upshot of all of this is, as many have said: don't feed a cat that isn't yours; it isn't fair to the owner and, as you've discovered, can end in upset and disappointment for you.

If the batshit crazy lady who tried to steal my cat started telling the RSPCA that I was neglecting my pets, I would contact the police and report her for malicious harassment

She's had months to report it to the RSPCA but wasn't bothered until the owner turned up 🤷🏻‍♀️

I don't like cats. I probably wouldn't even notice a skinny cat let alone try and feed it.

I think OP did a nice thing, and she's not wrong to be upset. I don't think the man did anything wrong either; I think they were both acting with emotion.

This is what happened to a lovely cat owner friend of mine.

Male cat kept loitering around her garden for weeks, and her own female cat wasn't happy that he was encroaching on her space. I don't think friend actually fed him though, as I think she uad better sense than that, having owned cats pretty much all her life.

Male cat wasn't neutered or chipped when she took him to the vet and he was neutered then.

Next time she saw him, he had a collar on...

Friend still doesn't know who he belongs to though!

Well now you know the cat isn't a stray and belongs to someone else you can move on with your life. Hopefully 'Toms' owner will microchip him as soon as possible and that will stop any confusion in the future.

You’ve said ‘technically it isn’t his cat’….

It is his cat, he’s told you it’s his cat!…. Microchips aren’t proof of ownership. Back off and if ‘Tom’ comes round again do not feed him and do not let him into your house! He isn’t yours!! Drop a note through their door promising not to steal their cat, and apologising… otherwise poor Tom will be forced to be an indoor cat!
Go to a rescue centre and adopt a cat or two that don’t have owners already.
IF you see Tom in a state and skinny again then call the RSPCA, but don’t do this for a while as you may get a brick through your window as they’ll know it’s you!

First, let me say that I think you were right in feeding an obviously hungry cat. And I know how heartbroken you are. IF the young man was telling the truth, then the cat is, in fact, his in the eyes of the law. There is nothing you can do about it now. I am so sorry.

I do, however, know what I think about people who state that you should not feed the hungry, no matter what their species. And I shall leave that, at that.

You did nothing wrong. You were kind. And don't be surprised if that cat turns up again, possibly neglected...again. IF he has, this time, been chipped, you can lodge a complaint for neglecting an animal.

yanbu we were in a similar situation with an uneutered Tom we looked after for years. Someone picked him up on the street took him to the vets and we weren’t allowed to have him back. It broke our hearts. He loved being with us and I wish I’d had him chipped and neutered. It still makes us sad 6 years later 😥

It doesn’t… but you can’t just steal someone’s cat because it’s being neglected!…. You call the necessary charities and report it.
I don’t think it’s unusual either for an un neutered male cat to wander looking for females, not eat and be a bit on the skinny side!
in my view anyone who doesn’t get their male neutered is irresponsible… however we can’t just take things … we had a cat stolen once by an old man in our street.. we didn’t bother reclaiming it though as although it was loved it was clearly happier with him… years later he told us how he’d rescued a stray and was shocked to learn it was actually ours.

We have a ‘stray’ that comes to ours and we feed him and have put a cat bed in our outhouse for it. I would never let it in the house as I’m not entirely sure it’s not owned by someone. You are acting slightly unhinged, let it go

Would people's opinion be different if op.took cat to the vet and had him neutered?

If you were the owner of a lost uneautered cat, and suddenly found him neutered because someone had taken him to the vet, what would you do at that point?

Are you kidding me?

Again, another poster saying I'm acting unhinged. Unbelievable. Seriously.

YOU are admitting to feeding a cat AND even wondering if someone owns it.

I wonder if anyone will jump on YOU and accuse you of theft? .... If not, why not?

YOU are encouraging the cat to keep coming to you, so therefore I'm assuming you must have some sort of connection to it else you wouldn't do this.

The difference between you and I though is that I was absolutely convinced Tom was a stray, hence I was very shocked when I suddenly saw his apparent owner carrying him along, and Tom looked terrified.

I'm bound to have been upset by this, who wouldn't?
So tell me, exactly, WHY do you think I'm unhinged?

Tell me, why are you encouraging a cat to your home?

Years ago, my very petite slim house cat went missing after she got out and I was distraught. I put posters up and through all the doors and a man called. He said he had my cat but he wasn’t giving her back because she was a “malnourished kitten” and “always hungry”, after I said I’d call the police he let me pick her up.

She was 4 doors down and she was always hungry because he was feeding her exclusively dreamies!! She also stunk of weed which had probably not harmed her appetite. Cats are fickle and will go wherever they get the best food and most fuss, it doesn’t mean they aren’t loved and it’s not ok to try and steal them.