So upset, not sure what to do

[Moonstarssunsky]

Posting here for traffic.
I'm not sure what to do over a stray cat I've been feeding etc.

I had my own cat until a few months ago when she sadly passed away. Before she passed however, a stray cat started to visit our garden and play with my cat.

The stray cat 'Tom' was so thin that we'd feed him everyday and provided shelter outside for him. We couldn't get close enough to get him into a cat carrier to take him to the vets.
After our Molly died, Tom became more confident with us and started to come into the house and stay overnight.

He put on weight and started to look healthy again. It was still difficult though trying to entice him into a cat carrier in order to check if he was chipped after all. He.was'nt neutered though, hence why we presumed he wasn't chipped either.
I recently borrowed a different kind of carrier to the one we already had, in the hope that it'd be easier to get Tom into it. Just to say, he's not the type of cat you can pick up easily.

Fast forward to yesterday, I was looking out the window and saw a young man walking past my house carrying Tom tightly in his arms. I ran out to speak to the man and saw that Tom was struggling to get free and was very distressed.
The man claimed that Tom was his cat and that he was taking him home as he hadn't seen him for some time.

I explained that we'd been caring for Tom and were gaining his confidence in us and that we'd love to keep him and get him checked and neutered at the vets.

The man was adamant however that Tom was his family pet, but admitted that he'd not been chipped. He said that his family were going to chip the cat immediately, and added that he'd make Tom into an indoor cat just so that he doesn't try to come back to me and my family.
The man let slip his house number (which was much further down the road) and hurried off with the cat still distressed.

I'm angry at myself for not trying to get Tom out of his arms, but I was concerned about repercussions if I did so. I'm also angry with myself for not ensuring we'd taken Tom to the vets sooner. I've no excuses for that, other than I was trying to gain his trust and needed the right carrier along with help from someone else to force him into the carrier if necessary.
A while after Tom was taken, my Dd and I visited the house where he's at and were told basically to go away (not very politely) once again, and that they'd be keeping the cat inside from now on.

I don't know what to do now. I'd love to offer money for Tom but I don't know whether to leave it for a while, as i.dont want to push things with this family.

They also have a few other cats (according to the going man) and so now I'm so upset that Tom is living with other pets and isn't happy there. If he was he wouldn't have left.
Sorry for rambling.

You sound responsible snd people accusing you are silly. You have the pets welfare in mind. Call the rspca to investigate if you are worried . Someone that looks after their ansls should hsbe nothing to hide. You don't man handle a cat anyways- thst would be a red flag for me ! Trust yout gut OP

My child is an adult. I never said she was a youngster. And, obviously, I wouldn't have allowed her to come with me if she was.

Christ on a bike. Now I'm 'obsessed', I should add that to the list. 🙄

Look I love cats.

I totally get where your intentions, and they were coming from a good place. But say Tom came to live with you and thought nope actually sally up the road is better and he left and sally then said ah he's my cat now, he clearly doesn't like the living arrangements with you. How would you feel ?

Boy cats roam. That's part of their instincts but that doesn't mean he wanted to live in your home. He just liked the food. Cats are flickal and I suspect some of the grief of losing your kitty may have made this situation a bit emotionally charged for you. As it would any animal lover.

RSPC aren't gonna help. And if you do really love Tom, I think it's best you let this whole situation go and let him be with his owners.

Why are you getting so defensive? If you post on a forum you should expect differing opinions on the matter, which you've gotten. If you don't like it, tough.

Either leave them alone or make a formal complaint to the correct channels, end of.

Thanks, I'm actually stunned that quite a few posters are being so vitriolic to someone who was just trying to be kind to a cat.
No need for it. But hey, that cat was happer because of me, that I know.

Happier*

Write a letter and put it through the door explaining you lost your cat recently and would love to look after Tom. You’ve become quite attached and enjoyed his company.. worth a try.

Our indoor cat has gone missing 2 weeks ago…without a trace, somehow she got out…she is loved here, has a family that loves her, but panics outside so wouldn’t be able to find her way back (and why she’s not allowed out without someone in the first place, while her older cat sister is) We miss her terribly and want her back. Even more so we want to know what happened to her, as not knowing is as horrible as people say. But above all we hope some kind person seen her scared and lost and is looking out for her - feeding her and offering a safe, warm home. We’re about to put up a new post on local fb saying that we are honestly grateful if someone has been taking care of her, we’d still love to know and hand on heart if we come to see her and she’s happy, cared for and wants to stay- that would be ok (though we’d love to visit). She’s a cherished family member not a piece of property.
I don’t think you did wrong OP looking out for the cat. Cats often don’t appreciate being carried but it might also not appreciate living with a lot of other cats (could be not eating due to stress - not all cats love company). It’s a hard situation.

What the bloody hell are you on about?
Complaint? 🙄

Oh and yes I'm not bothered about differing opinions. But there's a way to give an opinion without having to resort to being vicious.

You are being ridiculous. The fact that he isn't chipped does not mean that anyone can decide to take a cat. He does not belong to you. Feeding him and providing shelter is keeping the cat away from home. If you genuinely think he is neglected, report it. But no, you can't steal the cat!

I can't believe you think its OK to steal someone else's cat. You're only thinking of yourself. Please, go adopt a cat who needs a home. And leave these poor people, and their pets, alone! You are way, way in the wrong here, and its a real worry that you can't see that.

Complaint as in contact the RSPCA or an appropriate animal welfare group if you believe that strongly he's not being taken care of appropriately.

You think I'm being vicious. I think I'm being realistic.

Either way you've probably made up your mind what you're going to do, if anything. You've got plenty of opinions on the matter, be it either people disagreeing with you or stroking your ego.

This thread is just dragging now 😴 and why you haven't shut it down is beyond me.

Yea, not your cat. Ours is very well fed but also very skinny and light to pick up. She sleeps inside most nights on the spare bed or the sofa downstairs. My own now deceased cat years ago had this happen. Some old lady thought she was a stray, despite being collared, chipped and spayed. They scanned and called us, asked where we lived and were surprised when we told them it was 20 seconds round the corner. She has been picked up there, assumed as a stray, no idea why, and the house they had locked her in for several days could be sen from our house. They had also removed her collar. Fuming. Leave Tom alone.

Exactly.
People resort to name calling and crapulence when they've lost the argument. Some people know they've lost from the beginning hence why they start with insults (they also state conjecture as fact). You just can't reason with that!

Kindly, I think encouraging OP to further bother the cat's owners with letters and such is counter-productive. Going to their house was overstepping, and they have now made it clear they want no more contact.
The cat is theirs, OP temporarily cared for him, and now the cat is back home, to be chipped in the very near future. That's it, nothing more to be done.

This whole thread has been conjecture from the start, coming from the OP! What a stupid comment.

Blimey there are some vile people on this thread.

What you did is lovely OP. I'd have done the very same thing. No way could I leave a cat outside in my garden distressed and hungry.

My cat is an indoor one, never been out except on a lead. If somehow she escaped and when I eventually found her, I found someone had been feeding and looking after her, I'd be buying that person a massive bunch of flowers, wine and chocolates. I'd even give them a kidney!

No way would I be annoyed and be nasty to you. Also I agree it's cruel to keep a cat indoor after it's been free.

I'm probably going to be called out on this but I'd knock at the house again. Just to check up on Tom. See how that conversation goes. My DP would tell me to leave it alone but I couldn't give up, not until certain he was OK.

Keep us updated and don't stop being kind. The world needs more of it as it is evidenced by the weirdos in this post.

It’s lovely that you’ve looked out for a cat who you thought was a stray and it must be really upsetting to see him going back to a family where you have concerns. Unfortunately I don’t think there’s anything you can do other than know that you took care of the cat when he needed it as it sounds like he has a home. Ignore the nasty comments AIBU can be really brutal.

Hi OP.
I know you’re trying to help but please let the cat be.
Our cat who we had since my son was 3 recently didn’t return! My son grew up with his cat for 12 years and was distraught. She was well fed although small and slim and almost looked like a kitten still. It was heartbreaking but I do think she was being fed elsewhere, as she never used to roam far only in the back or front garden and over the back fence, not by roads, and was mainly indoors.
I never got her chipped which was my own fault and I regret it but it was because she never went far before she returned I thought she’d be ok.
If this man cared enough to take back his cat then they clearly have a loving family who want to keep her.
As another poster said imagine if this happened to your own cat.
Thank you for caring but this cat has a home already xx

Worst nightmare. Hope you find her.

Have you tried calling around the local vets? We have cats here that are handed in to the local vets quite often. Sorry not trying to overstep.

What area are you in if you don't mind me asking?

There should be a missing pet page on FB in your area surely?

Did your cat come back?

And our cat was spoilt, she wouldn't eat cheaper versions of food for us only purina one biscuits that were out constantly and Felix as good as it looks wet food 2/3 pouches a day! She never went without but still looked skinny.

This is not your cat. The man wouldn’t just take a cat that’s not his. So it technically is his cat. Can’t believe people just take over peoples cats like this

No she hasn’t come back, as much as it’s upsetting I do hope she has been kept warm and fed through the cold days and hope that one day she will come back to us. Xx