So upset, not sure what to do

[Moonstarssunsky]

Posting here for traffic.
I'm not sure what to do over a stray cat I've been feeding etc.

I had my own cat until a few months ago when she sadly passed away. Before she passed however, a stray cat started to visit our garden and play with my cat.

The stray cat 'Tom' was so thin that we'd feed him everyday and provided shelter outside for him. We couldn't get close enough to get him into a cat carrier to take him to the vets.
After our Molly died, Tom became more confident with us and started to come into the house and stay overnight.

He put on weight and started to look healthy again. It was still difficult though trying to entice him into a cat carrier in order to check if he was chipped after all. He.was'nt neutered though, hence why we presumed he wasn't chipped either.
I recently borrowed a different kind of carrier to the one we already had, in the hope that it'd be easier to get Tom into it. Just to say, he's not the type of cat you can pick up easily.

Fast forward to yesterday, I was looking out the window and saw a young man walking past my house carrying Tom tightly in his arms. I ran out to speak to the man and saw that Tom was struggling to get free and was very distressed.
The man claimed that Tom was his cat and that he was taking him home as he hadn't seen him for some time.

I explained that we'd been caring for Tom and were gaining his confidence in us and that we'd love to keep him and get him checked and neutered at the vets.

The man was adamant however that Tom was his family pet, but admitted that he'd not been chipped. He said that his family were going to chip the cat immediately, and added that he'd make Tom into an indoor cat just so that he doesn't try to come back to me and my family.
The man let slip his house number (which was much further down the road) and hurried off with the cat still distressed.

I'm angry at myself for not trying to get Tom out of his arms, but I was concerned about repercussions if I did so. I'm also angry with myself for not ensuring we'd taken Tom to the vets sooner. I've no excuses for that, other than I was trying to gain his trust and needed the right carrier along with help from someone else to force him into the carrier if necessary.
A while after Tom was taken, my Dd and I visited the house where he's at and were told basically to go away (not very politely) once again, and that they'd be keeping the cat inside from now on.

I don't know what to do now. I'd love to offer money for Tom but I don't know whether to leave it for a while, as i.dont want to push things with this family.

They also have a few other cats (according to the going man) and so now I'm so upset that Tom is living with other pets and isn't happy there. If he was he wouldn't have left.
Sorry for rambling.

My mother ‘stole’ a cat in this exact same way. She reckoned it had a rubbish life with a family down the road (she had no proof of this at all). She even denied she’d seen the cat when some children came past and asked her! It was sat in her living room. She got her wish as the family who owned the cat moved away and she had the cat for many years after until it died.

If you couldn’t pick the cat up to get him in a carrier to take it to the vets how was this man able to see it whilst casually walking down the street and pick it up straight away? Whether the cat was struggling or not as pp said that’s due to it being in his arms whilst stood up it clearly let him pick him up! So why didn’t you do that and take it to the vets? Because you just wanted to keep him probably due to grief for molly that I’ll admit but thinking about taking him from his owners arms and going to the house is just really bizarre behaviour and you took your child with you?!

Glad you fed it OP! And if you see it again, please try to win it over to you. This person should not have it.

Ffs where have I threatened to 'steal him' again?
I didn't 'steal' him in the first place, for the reasons I've already explained.

Secondly, yes I did for a split second consider trying to get the cat off the man, this was because the cat looked terrified and was crying and struggling.
IF the man had said he was chipped at that time then I wouldn't have felt that way. I had no idea if he really did own him, for all I knew it could've been a random cat he was tighly holding.

I'm sure all of you who've accused me of being 'unhinged' for even momentarily feeling as I did would've probably felt the same way in that situation. None of you were there.

I think you did a lovely thing, feeding a cat who looked hungry. We found a cat that had been hit by a car and took him to the vet. He had been missing from home for over 6 months and was many miles from home. Thank heavens people found it in their hearts to have fed her so she could get home to her “owner”. I hope that Tom makes it back to you

Are you well in yourself? I'm asking because you are coming across as unhinged. It really isn't normal to feel so passionately about someone else's pet. If you want a cat buy one but leave this owner and cat alone.

I thought it was basic cat 101 that you shouldn't feed other people's pets and as an experienced owner surely you know this? I think you were being unreasonable to take your dd with you to a strangers home knowing that their response to you was going to be less than agreeable.

I'm amused by the fact that anyone thinks we own cats! They are in fact the Overlords who've decided our homes are pleasant places to reside till something better comes along! 😂😉🐈👑

You mention it seemed to be about who had the best claim to the cat, but that's irrelevant - you have no claim at all as the man is its owner. Trying to grab it out of his arms would have been very strange behaviour. It was kind of you to feed the cat while it was lost, but as for what you do now - let it go. They have made it clear that they intend to keep their pet indoors, and don't want you bothering them at home anymore.

To add to this, yes I did go to their house, just to see if we could calmly talk about the cat. I didn't go all 'guns a blazing' as one or two of you clearly have the impression.

Why are people so unnecessarily horrible, and OTT critical and irrational on Mumsnet!! Thank goodness for the sensible ones including you OP!!

This exactly.
My children always ask why the cat seems to love me the most - because I bloody feed him!
To the OP - my mum was grieving for her dog who died when she decided that a local cat was a neglected stray.
I know it hurts - but you have to accept that the cat has a home. I would get in contact with a local cat charity - you clearly have so much love to give and a good home for one - they are crying out for a home just like yours.

Thank you, it was lovely to do what you did too, and luckily for the cat there were people who kept her fed.

I'm so sorry about your cat, I lost my cat recently too and I know how heartbroken you must have been. And now to feel like your losing another kitty too. But sadly Tom is not your cat. You need to stop thinking about him and feeding him now. Why don't you adopt another kitty?

It's been a legal requirement to have your dog chipped for at least 5 years now, in the UK at least

I have 3 cats and would be very upset if anyone started feeding them. As you probably now know, it's never a good idea to start feeding cats that aren't yours as you don't know if they have a medical condition etc. It's best to ask around, probably further afield if it's an whole tom because they wander! However I can understand your concern about the welfare of the cat. I get very frustrated at people who don't get their cats neutered. I've had toms come into our house through windows and the cat flap (now have a microchip one) and sprayed in the house. They also bully my cats and are always getting into fights. It's a fairly inexpensive operation and my opinion is that if you can't afford to get your cats sorted, you shouldn't have them. But that's another story.
OP, you're obviously well meaning and Tom would probably be better off with you, but there are lots of cats and kittens needing loving homes if you want another kitty 😊

This really grinds my gears.
I know you feel that your are helping but you really are not
He is not your cat!
I've been in a similar situation in as much as my much beloved, elderly cat became very thin and disheveled due to thyroid issues. She also had the start of dementia and was deaf.
A neighbour of ours started feeding her. This just confused her and, as she was on a special diet, made her very unwell.
If the chap says it's his cat, it's his cat.
I understand your concern but feeding other peoples cats is never a good idea.
There are hundreds of cats looking for loving owners in shelters, please have a look

Yet more nasty comments referring to my supposed state of mind. How vile of you and people like you to be so cruel.

Thank you for your 'concern' but worrying about a cat doesn't make someone 'unhinged'.
Additionally, if you actually digested what I've written (which clearly you haven't), you might realize that I didn't believe I was feeding another of persons pet. I thought he was a stray! Ffs do you get this?

Oh and now you're implying my Dd is a young child, so really you're just making yet another pointless assumption. My Dd is 21.

I've read of this happening before, usually with dogs. I can't remember the ins and outs, but effectively whoever has the animal just has to claim that they've bought it and the microchip company just change the details. Don't asks me why - it seems senseless to me.

Precisely!

It was lighthearted, you melt. You must have missed the post where I suggested she dye his whiskers to disguise him . . .

Fgs this thread is wild. The majority are quite right in saying this cat is not yours and you're acting obsessed about another person's cat and its not normal.

You didn't know it wasn't a stray. You do now. If you're worried about the cats welfare you go through the proper channels, not show up on someone's doorstep for fuck sake. I'd be livid.

Go and find another cat to adopt, there are plenty who need homes.

Sorry to hear you also lost a cat.

But he should be. Its a legal requirement . Why isn't he chipped ???

Thanks, yes people have been horrible, I'm just glad I'm not them!

I get very frustrated at people who don't get their cats neutered. I've had toms come into our house through windows and the cat flap (now have a microchip one) and sprayed in the house. They also bully my cats and are always getting into fights

I agree.

Having your cat neutered protects other people's homes, your home and your cat.

Unneutered queens have litter after litter at great cost to their health; unneutered toms travel for miles looking for queens in call, and risk their lives on roads, with dogs, and can get lost, run over or into serious fights.