So upset, not sure what to do

[Moonstarssunsky]

Posting here for traffic.
I'm not sure what to do over a stray cat I've been feeding etc.

I had my own cat until a few months ago when she sadly passed away. Before she passed however, a stray cat started to visit our garden and play with my cat.

The stray cat 'Tom' was so thin that we'd feed him everyday and provided shelter outside for him. We couldn't get close enough to get him into a cat carrier to take him to the vets.
After our Molly died, Tom became more confident with us and started to come into the house and stay overnight.

He put on weight and started to look healthy again. It was still difficult though trying to entice him into a cat carrier in order to check if he was chipped after all. He.was'nt neutered though, hence why we presumed he wasn't chipped either.
I recently borrowed a different kind of carrier to the one we already had, in the hope that it'd be easier to get Tom into it. Just to say, he's not the type of cat you can pick up easily.

Fast forward to yesterday, I was looking out the window and saw a young man walking past my house carrying Tom tightly in his arms. I ran out to speak to the man and saw that Tom was struggling to get free and was very distressed.
The man claimed that Tom was his cat and that he was taking him home as he hadn't seen him for some time.

I explained that we'd been caring for Tom and were gaining his confidence in us and that we'd love to keep him and get him checked and neutered at the vets.

The man was adamant however that Tom was his family pet, but admitted that he'd not been chipped. He said that his family were going to chip the cat immediately, and added that he'd make Tom into an indoor cat just so that he doesn't try to come back to me and my family.
The man let slip his house number (which was much further down the road) and hurried off with the cat still distressed.

I'm angry at myself for not trying to get Tom out of his arms, but I was concerned about repercussions if I did so. I'm also angry with myself for not ensuring we'd taken Tom to the vets sooner. I've no excuses for that, other than I was trying to gain his trust and needed the right carrier along with help from someone else to force him into the carrier if necessary.
A while after Tom was taken, my Dd and I visited the house where he's at and were told basically to go away (not very politely) once again, and that they'd be keeping the cat inside from now on.

I don't know what to do now. I'd love to offer money for Tom but I don't know whether to leave it for a while, as i.dont want to push things with this family.

They also have a few other cats (according to the going man) and so now I'm so upset that Tom is living with other pets and isn't happy there. If he was he wouldn't have left.
Sorry for rambling.

Oh look, another nasty poster.

So I've been accused of likely having a personality disorder, told I'm unhinged and nuts, and now I'm a weirdo too!

All of the above, because I fed a malnourished cat.
I've been so upset with these comments, a lot of them are absolutely vile and I honestly think your disgusting comments say more about you than they do me.

Also, I note that the nasty posters show no concern for the cat or concern that his owner could be mistreating it.
You should be ashamed of yourselves

I’d echo this post.

I’m not saying this is you OP, you seem to know your stuff, and the wee lad obviously looked in need, but I think lots of people love feeding cats and assume because they’ll eat they’re stray. Also some of these well-meaning people don’t realise going home for food is important, or that when they decide to feed a visitor, or host them or whatever because aw look, he wants to lie by the fire, they’re disrupting the cat’s daily routine, and maybe someone who loves them is waiting and worried.

Our boy briefly went missing once. He’s not overly bothered about outside, goes out for half an hour then comes inside for three, and he always responds straight away to a whistle or a Dreamies bag. Buggerlugs eventually rolled home bone-dry, warm (this was in deepest winter) not in the least bit hungry and stinking like a tart’s handbag. He’d clearly been in a house.

He’s dinky and slinky, but in super condition, so friendly, shiny-coated and well-mannered (he puts up a polite paw for food like a dog) I don’t think anyone could seriously have thought he wasn’t cared for. He won’t tolerate a collar so I can’t really make it any clearer he’s got a family (he’s also half of a bonded pair, both chipped and snipped).

I’m sure someone was as charmed by him as we are and enjoyed having him but I aged about a decade when he was away and my 10y.o DD barely slept😬

Saw this play out a while back. Cat came in that the family had just ‘taken in’ 12 years earlier. Never got his chip checked. We checked it and turns out he’d been reported missing 12 years ago. Ring the number on the chip and this lady was gobsmacked, had assumed he was dead all these years. We (vets) had to inform the family that we couldn’t release the cat back to them as technically, it’s not their cat. Kids start crying, family devastated etc. luckily the actual owner was just happy he was alive and gave permission for the family to keep him so it all ended well.

This is the issue with people just deciding to take in random cats. Don’t feed cats that aren’t yours and if you’re worried take them to be scanned for a chip. If no chip then attach a paper collar with your number and a note asking the owner to confirm they’re owned. Personally I can’t wait for the new rules to start showing a difference with microchips

I can see that you had good intentions, but what I find strange is that, upon finding out he had a family, who clearly care, hence fighting to keep him, that you're still adamant you want to take it from them.

The cat has a family, you now know that. It isn't yours. It came to yours for food because you made the cats life easier. He went from having one meal a day to two without having to scavenge and hunt as cats do.

You may not have intended to 'steal' him, but that's effectively what you did.

YABU for thinking you still have rights over the cat. I think it's time you get another cat of your own.

A cautionary tale:

Woman in court for luring neighbours cat in

It’s against the law to steal someone’s cat.

You should never feed a cat that isn’t yours. It might be on a special diet. You might do it more harm than good. Better to put a note on it like PP has said to check whether it’s a stray.

If an animal is neglected or at risk, you can report it to the RSPCA or hand it over to them if it seems to be abandoned. It can be given care, food and medical attention and the animal can be seized from the owner. Make clear you would be glad to take it and they will probably let you rather than put it down.

You can't just personally seize someone's pet and take it for your own ffs. 😂

..to add to this, pet might look unwell because it is unwell.

I once had a cat that died of cancer. Sometimes very unwell cats lose a lot of weight, have a strange lookin aand/or grooming becomes difficult. I'm glad someone didn't feel they could feed and trap/abduct her during the final part of her life so the family didn't get to say goodbye.

I meant strange looking coat. Anyway, my lovely cat would have been a prime candidate for a self righteous cat rustler but she was very much loved and taken care of.

Don't take other people's cats. Report neglect and abuse if you think it is happening.

If it was obviously a feral cat the man was probably going to take it to the council, or just dispose of it. Not everyone tolerates wild cats. If it wasn’t feral it most likely was his cat. Either way you don’t need to worry.

The cat will escape, he won't adapt to being an indoor cat. He'll run to your haven, that's when you'll have the dilemma!

I just want the cat to be happy, I don't want him to be cooped up and turned into an indoor cat now as he's used to doing his own thing.
I understand that he's obviously got a owner now, but I honestly thought he was a stray.

I wouldn't dream of feeding a cat that I thought belonged to someone.
I fed Tom because (for the umpteenth time) I believed he was a stray, due to the fact he was very thin and also hadn't been neutered.

Honestly it may have started out like that but I don't believe for a second there wasn't a time when you say yourself Tom was staying over inside your house that you couldn't have taken him to a vet. I think you convinced yourself you could just keep him.

But he’s being kept indoors because of you ! If you don’t want him kept indoors and want him to be happy, why not send a note of apology to his owners and promise not to feed him, let him into your house or interact with him in any way?

I understand you thought he was a stray at first, but it’s your actions after that that are off - particularly your reaction to the cat being re-united with his owner, and you ‘wanting to snatch him back’ and then visiting the owners’ house. You probably gave off….’emotional’ vibes to the owner (trying to use a polite word) and that’s what caused the owner to decide to keep the cat in - because you sounded like you’d take him again.

Go to a local shelter, adopt your own cat and leave ‘Tom’ and his family alone. He’s not a stray, he’s not yours.

Firstly. he didn't come 'looking for him' The cat was out and he obviously spotted him.
'Obviously' nothing of the sort. How do you know the man hadn't been looking for the cat. How do you state categorically that it's not his cat? You have deluded yourself into believing all sorts of random stuff.
I believe you acted in good faith in feeding the cat but saying you should have grappled the cat away from the man is unhinged.
Why would the man take a cat that wasn't his? It's way way more likely that it's his cat. There us nothing to assume the car won't be settled indoors either.

I definitely wouldn't have fed the cat. There are many reasons for him looking thin. Maybe he had been missing for a while, maybe he was ill previously, maybe he wasn't actually that thin. Maybe he is in neutered as he is a young cat who isn't the right age. Maybe he escaped out of the house before they could do it. It's too presumptuous to just say the cat is neglected as we only have one side of the story here.

The bottom line is that the cat isn't yours. If you were concerned for the cats welfare you should have reported it to the rspca straight away. You don't know how long or how much the family have been looking for him. He is now going to be an indoor cat as they are so concerned about you taking him again. That's such a shame for a cat as I believe they shouldn't be kept indoors.

I can't believe you were going to take him from the mans arms. You hadn't been able to pick him up but he could so obviously the cat knew him.

I hope the cat settles back into his home and is very happy there.

😮😮😮😮. What do you mean “disposed of?”

Ok, I didn't get 'emotional' with the owner and didn't really intend to get the cat out of his arms (it was a quick thought that went through my head at the time because the cat was struggling)

When I visited the house I was polite and again not emotional. I asked civilly if they were willing to allow me to take the cat.

The cat wasn't lost. He voted with his feet obviously and decided he didn't want to live at the man's house. Maybe because there's other pets there.
How kind of you to want the cat to be back living where he wasn't happy. 🙄

But OP was intending to have the cat checked. She had to wait until he trusted her enough to handle him. It wasn't a matter of just grabbing the cat of the street and imprisoning him.

He was neither chipped nor neutered. That man - if he is the owner, is not a good owner. Our kittens were chipped as soon as we got them (9 weeks) and neutered at 6 months.

I hope the cat settles back into his home and is very happy there.

I'll bet he doesn't. If there are several other cats the odds are that they will beat him up for quite a while before they accept him. And I'm willing to bet that the "owner" doesn't bother getting him neutered or chipped either. If he had intended to the cat would have been at least chipped before he was allowed out at all.

It's not easy persuading a cat which has been used to roaming to stay indoors. I wouldn't be surprised if they either get sick of him squalling and clawing the walls, or he just shoots past them one day when they are a bit careless.

You clearly have no clue about cats if you believe an outdoor cat can be happy kept forever indoors

Cross post @Moonstarssunsky

That cat will be determined to escape. I hope it rips his house to shreds.