How do some intelligent men not fucking get it??

[Ishefuckingkiddingme]

DH is an intelligent human being. How is it that any intelligent human being has managed to fuck Mother’s Day up to this extent?

A few weeks ago, he asked me what I want to do for Mother’s Day. I said I’d like a day to relax, maybe lunch or afternoon tea with my DM or something like that. He said everything would be booked up and overpriced on mothers day so that was a clear no.

This morning at 6.30, DS wanted a toy that was left in the car and I asked DH to get it, he responded with “why is that my responsibility?”. No card, no cup of tea, no breakfast in bed - nothing. Every Sunday we do a dog walk and go to a cafe. Cafe opens at 8 but is heaving by 9 so DH is then hurrying me along to be out of the house early. In the cafe, DH goes to save a table and I go to order wrangling DS. DH and I order the same thing but they only have one left so I order something else for one of us - I tell him that and he makes no offer for me to have the thing we both originally wanted. He then tucks in and I manage DS and DD - by the time he’s finished, I’ve barely touched mine so he had over half of my food too. DS then sees something outside and runs over to the window, I go to retrieve him and when I get back, DH tells me that he’s had to get up to deal with DD “because she was so sad” and I wasn’t dealing with it (because I was on the other side of the room with DS!!). He’s purchased a book off Amazon that you’re supposed to gap fill with phrases like “I love my mummy because ” but he hasn’t filled it out. No card, no flowers, no dinner cooked, nothing. …and he’s just told me he thinks I should go to the gym. How hard is it for an intelligent, decent person to buy a bunch of flowers, fill out a card, make a cup of tea and not criticise me for one bloody day of the year?!

Happy Fucking Mother’s Day everyone!

A selfish uncaring man won't act any different on mothers day than any other day of the year. He is not intelligent. He sounds completely thoughtless so has no emotional intelligence at all.

Because they only realise they’re like this once they’ve had a child. By which time they’re quite heavily invested, obviously.

Then what do they do? Cut and run and be a single parent and (possibly) not have any more children? Or stick it out and explain that you need more from them, that they HAVE to change.

I did the latter.

So you make yourself (very) heard time and time again, constantly badgering them to do more, take responsibility, do their fair share.

Sometimes they’re better and you think the message is getting through. This goes on and you have another child, because you want to, but it only gets worse. They become lazier and lazier and you become more and more vocal about it and you are constantly at each other’s throats.

Then, eventually, you’ve had enough and you ltb.

It’s not about low standards and we need to stop putting the blame on women, as we seem to do for everything else. If a man is a lazy arse it is NOT the woman’s fault for marrying him.

Until you have children you cannot possibly know.

@Tiddler39 it's not the woman's fault that her husband may be like this, but I do wish women wouldn't put up with this kind of behaviour, so it is a low bar. Why that happens is probably because they're vulnerable or get worn down or trapped. There's a poor woman on another thread absolutely worn down by the man's behaviour, and even blaming herself. It's sad.

I didn’t put up with it. I called it out, every time. So do lots of women.

At the end of the day, if they don’t change then your only other option is to leave and become a single parent.

Rock and a hard place.

Good for you, @Tiddler39 . I bet that was tough.
I've never experienced that kind of relationship, but it's got to erode your confidence and self esteem.
The OP isn't really complaining about Mother's Day, that's just shown his behaviour more clearly.

He's useless and isn't interested in his family. What exactly is the point in being with him?

You are not HIS mother

No she isn't but their children are too young to sort anything on their own so it is absolutely his job to facilitate that for them and her.

If he cared about her he would. He clearly does not care.

People who post this gem think they’re so clever. 🙄

She is the mother of his (young) children. He should show her some appreciation for that.

Remember today come Father’s Day in June

I hope you’ll do fuck all for Father’s Day OP?

What’s your advice?

Seriously are the MRA groups handing out medals to the pickmes this weekend or something?

This doesn’t tell us you’re clever : quite the opposite.

If he wanted to he would. He didn't. There's your answer.

I would say that comes under emotional intelligence, which a lot of (academically) intelligent people seem to lack (along with common sense).

We've had an influx, they've been tantrumming en masse for a while now. We've obviously rattled a cage somewhere in the incel web, but I don't know which one. Must have missed the relevant thread.

My favourites are the ones who tell us what fat, old, undesirable, mumsy frumps we are and how we'll never get a man....at 10pm on Friday nights.

It’s nothing to do with intelligence, he just doesn’t care, how you feel doesn’t matter because he’s a selfish arse.

Omg. You’re right. Why didn’t the 3 year old and the 7 month get together and organise something?

He's not her Dad, but I bet she organises something for Father's Day.

No card, no flowers, no dinner cooked, nothing. …and he’s just told me he thinks I should go to the gym.

Btw OP, I know you were hurt by this comment but I hope you’re going to take him up on this. At least 3 times a week, leaving him with both children.

That's just shit. I didn't remember until yesterday when DW mentioned something she'd bought for her own mum, but I still had time to get a card, flowers, nice food for breakfast in bed, and just plain make mental note to be nice all day. It's not that hard.

Damn, probably should have name changed for that one!!

@ReneBumsWombats I expect them on certain threads but they seem to be on any thread at all where a man is spoken about in less than reverential terms right now.

What’s shocking is the amount of women doing their dirty work and berating any woman expecting to be treated decently by a man.

Seriously, why can't all the Mothers Day moans go on one thread? Or at least have YET ANOTHER MOTHERS DAY RANT in the thread title so that people can avoid clicking on it?

How do some allegedly intelligent Mumsnet just posters not fucking get it?

There's a lot of them right now. They've finally clocked that names like MaryLouFlowershineIAmSoWomanly actually blow their cover straight away (took them long enough) so they're a tiny bit harder to spot now, but they're still pretty transparent.

Last time it was because someone happened on a website for dissatisfied punters to complain that they literally couldn't pay a woman enough to convincingly feign enjoying sex with them. We laughed at them for an evening, and the influx followed. I don't know which cage we've rattled this time, but it's clearly somewhere of the same calibre.