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Original poster

How do some intelligent men not fucking get it??

446 replies

Ishefuckingkiddingme · 19/03/2023 11:52

DH is an intelligent human being. How is it that any intelligent human being has managed to fuck Mother’s Day up to this extent?

A few weeks ago, he asked me what I want to do for Mother’s Day. I said I’d like a day to relax, maybe lunch or afternoon tea with my DM or something like that. He said everything would be booked up and overpriced on mothers day so that was a clear no.

This morning at 6.30, DS wanted a toy that was left in the car and I asked DH to get it, he responded with “why is that my responsibility?”. No card, no cup of tea, no breakfast in bed - nothing. Every Sunday we do a dog walk and go to a cafe. Cafe opens at 8 but is heaving by 9 so DH is then hurrying me along to be out of the house early. In the cafe, DH goes to save a table and I go to order wrangling DS. DH and I order the same thing but they only have one left so I order something else for one of us - I tell him that and he makes no offer for me to have the thing we both originally wanted. He then tucks in and I manage DS and DD - by the time he’s finished, I’ve barely touched mine so he had over half of my food too. DS then sees something outside and runs over to the window, I go to retrieve him and when I get back, DH tells me that he’s had to get up to deal with DD “because she was so sad” and I wasn’t dealing with it (because I was on the other side of the room with DS!!). He’s purchased a book off Amazon that you’re supposed to gap fill with phrases like “I love my mummy because ” but he hasn’t filled it out. No card, no flowers, no dinner cooked, nothing. …and he’s just told me he thinks I should go to the gym. How hard is it for an intelligent, decent person to buy a bunch of flowers, fill out a card, make a cup of tea and not criticise me for one bloody day of the year?!

Happy Fucking Mother’s Day everyone!

OP posts:
ElaOfSalisbury · 19/03/2023 15:12

What a thoughtless individual.

I’d reciprocate with bugger all effort on Father’s Day.

Creamcrackered10 · 19/03/2023 15:21

Mine has bought cheap rubbish today that looks like it came off a jumble sale (think mismatched and half used). Money isn't an issue. I've binned it and he's gone out in a huff. I've been online and treated myself to some bits I did want and am enjoying the peace and quiet. Honestly, just tell him how you feel and make it clear its unacceptable and you won't put up with it. Today probably isn't fixable but if he doesn't know how can he fix it for next time.

mumsys · 19/03/2023 15:28

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

foxy86 · 19/03/2023 15:29

did you say anything to him or just go along with all this. I’d have walked off the moment he ate my food. He is like this because you are allowing him to be like it. You need to pull him up on it or else don’t get him anything for special occasions. The gym comment just say you agree, dump kids on him and walk out to a bar instead.

ReneBumsWombats · 19/03/2023 15:33

Ishefuckingkiddingme · 19/03/2023 12:08

I just don’t understand. It would take ten minutes and £10 total to buy a card, buy a bunch of flowers, and make me a cup of tea. In exchange, he’d get me being happy and grateful and we’d have a nice time. Even from an entirely selfish perspective, surely ten minutes and £10 is worth it for him to have a nice day?!

But he's had a perfectly nice day, doing and getting everything he wants, and it hasn't even cost him that much.

There are no consequences and no motivation for him to do anything nice for you.

It's not that he's not intelligent, it's that he doesn't give a shit. Maybe he's even showing his intelligence by getting everything he wants while not giving anything.

How does he make you feel the rest of the year?

ReneBumsWombats · 19/03/2023 15:34

Ishefuckingkiddingme · 19/03/2023 13:02

I’m not trying to “be a martyr”, I was trying to avoid ruining Mother’s Day (ironically). Trying to have a nice day and stupidly thinking that, if I just go with the flow, it’ll be fine.

Is it usually fine when you just go along with it?

OwenT · 19/03/2023 15:34

Pause to reflect; Mother's Day Father's Day etc have become crass commercial rackets, like the Americanisation of Halloween, school proms...

Shoxfordian · 19/03/2023 15:38

It sounds like he doesn’t care about you very much or want to make you happy anymore

callthataspade · 19/03/2023 15:40

OwenT · 19/03/2023 15:34

Pause to reflect; Mother's Day Father's Day etc have become crass commercial rackets, like the Americanisation of Halloween, school proms...

Yeah doesn't matter what fucking day it is this guy appears to be a bellend treating the op with no respect

So that points a bit moot

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 19/03/2023 15:44

ElaOfSalisbury · 19/03/2023 15:12

What a thoughtless individual.

I’d reciprocate with bugger all effort on Father’s Day.

That is what he deserves.. he really does, but an alternative (if OP is going to continue this relationship) would be to wait until Father's Day.
This might sound counter intuitive but what if instead OP decided to:

Take the kids shopping for cards and presents. Give them a budget so they have to think about what to buy, and wrap and sign... all a week ahead.
On the day Make him Breakfast in Bed or wake up with tea in bed with small surprises from the kids.
Then go out for a family walk or cafe or something ( because all have got their stuff ready the night before - kids involved in doing this) so you all get there on time.
Tea and cake at 4.00 pm when the kids make a big deal of sharing the cards and cake.
A nice lunch or dinner thrown in at some stage. Doesn't have to be that fancy but all around the table.

The reason I suggest this is that OP would be showing him how its done and when he says thank you she can say, it didn't happen by magic and explain what she did step by step since he clearly doesn't understand or think about these things.
Also the kids will really enjoy the day - they will really think its special and it teaches them to go out and do these things for their future families. And he will be able to see their enjoyment first hand.

So instead of being dragged down by the DH's appalling negativity and behaviour. OP gets a chance to show him by example how different things could be if he pulled his socks up, stopped being such a lazy miserable arse and made an effort - particularly for the children's sake. They love all this stuff.

Its just a thought.. but it does sound like he begrudges paying her any attention, compliments or consideration which I can understand why she's sitting in the car crying.

OP.. I hope you remember that your dear little son loves you and made you a sweet card himself and that, it makes you feel a bit better Flowers

TheGoodEnoughWife · 19/03/2023 15:45

OwenT · 19/03/2023 15:34

Pause to reflect; Mother's Day Father's Day etc have become crass commercial rackets, like the Americanisation of Halloween, school proms...

A 'Shut the fuck up' post.

Be quiet women. Don't make a fuss. Take any tiny drabs left you and be grateful.

Whatever day it is this was a shit way for the OP to be treated. Why is it his responsibility to get something from the car for their son?! Erm because he is THEIR son! And so on...

Justalittlebitduckling · 19/03/2023 15:49

He said everything would be booked up and overpriced on mothers day so that was a clear no.

Overpriced, probably, but not booked up if you plan ahead and book in advance because obviously some people manage it otherwise it wouldn’t be booked up. He sounds rubbish.

Whooyou · 19/03/2023 15:55

Ishefuckingkiddingme · 19/03/2023 11:52

DH is an intelligent human being. How is it that any intelligent human being has managed to fuck Mother’s Day up to this extent?

A few weeks ago, he asked me what I want to do for Mother’s Day. I said I’d like a day to relax, maybe lunch or afternoon tea with my DM or something like that. He said everything would be booked up and overpriced on mothers day so that was a clear no.

This morning at 6.30, DS wanted a toy that was left in the car and I asked DH to get it, he responded with “why is that my responsibility?”. No card, no cup of tea, no breakfast in bed - nothing. Every Sunday we do a dog walk and go to a cafe. Cafe opens at 8 but is heaving by 9 so DH is then hurrying me along to be out of the house early. In the cafe, DH goes to save a table and I go to order wrangling DS. DH and I order the same thing but they only have one left so I order something else for one of us - I tell him that and he makes no offer for me to have the thing we both originally wanted. He then tucks in and I manage DS and DD - by the time he’s finished, I’ve barely touched mine so he had over half of my food too. DS then sees something outside and runs over to the window, I go to retrieve him and when I get back, DH tells me that he’s had to get up to deal with DD “because she was so sad” and I wasn’t dealing with it (because I was on the other side of the room with DS!!). He’s purchased a book off Amazon that you’re supposed to gap fill with phrases like “I love my mummy because ” but he hasn’t filled it out. No card, no flowers, no dinner cooked, nothing. …and he’s just told me he thinks I should go to the gym. How hard is it for an intelligent, decent person to buy a bunch of flowers, fill out a card, make a cup of tea and not criticise me for one bloody day of the year?!

Happy Fucking Mother’s Day everyone!

Stuffed GIF by Celebrity Apprentice Australia

You poor thing. He sounds like a twat, not intelligent at all. I too hate being asked what I want, when I just want a gift that I don't have to think about. At All.

Your saving grace? Fathers day is just around the corner and you can do just as little for him

ReneBumsWombats · 19/03/2023 15:56

OwenT · 19/03/2023 15:34

Pause to reflect; Mother's Day Father's Day etc have become crass commercial rackets, like the Americanisation of Halloween, school proms...

Yes, Owen, we understand. You object to women having a day for anti-capitalist, socioeconomic reason.

Justalittlebitduckling · 19/03/2023 15:56

Ishefuckingkiddingme · 19/03/2023 13:02

I’m not trying to “be a martyr”, I was trying to avoid ruining Mother’s Day (ironically). Trying to have a nice day and stupidly thinking that, if I just go with the flow, it’ll be fine.

He already ruined it by choosing not to be arsed.

ReneBumsWombats · 19/03/2023 15:57

I was out today with my family and I was surprised at how much space was in the cafes and restaurants. Not booked up at all. Yay anti-capitalism.

HazyDragon · 19/03/2023 16:03

It's strange that you describe him as 'decent', how do you think men that are not decent behave?

Your DH is horrible and doesn't care about you or respect you. Sad, but true.

ColdHandsHotHead · 19/03/2023 16:05

To be honest, it sounds deliberate. As if he's trying to make it clear that you aren't as important to him as all that? Maybe it's time he realised he's wrong in that?

WinterDeWinter · 19/03/2023 16:07

ReneBumsWombats · 19/03/2023 15:56

Yes, Owen, we understand. You object to women having a day for anti-capitalist, socioeconomic reason.

Show quote history

Yup. Pause to reflect, Owen.

lieselotte · 19/03/2023 16:09

Justalittlebitduckling · 19/03/2023 15:49

He said everything would be booked up and overpriced on mothers day so that was a clear no.

Overpriced, probably, but not booked up if you plan ahead and book in advance because obviously some people manage it otherwise it wouldn’t be booked up. He sounds rubbish.

I think he's right - any cafe or restaurant on Mother's Day is an overpriced, overcrowded nightmare with poor quality food and service.

However, he could have said, shall I book for us to go out for Saturday dinner instead? Or we can go out for Sunday lunch on 26th, when it's less busy? Or even just get a takeaway? That's what my DH would do if I cared about Mother's Day.

billy1966 · 19/03/2023 16:09

SquidwardBound · 19/03/2023 14:40

I think men who generally treat you poorly all too often take days like Mother’s Day as an opportunity to really reinforce the contempt they hold you in.

As others have said, the real question is what you do now that you are where you are?

I think you are absolutely correct.

Mean selfish men do take Mother's day as an opportunity to further disrespect and diminish the poor women they are with.

No woman with self respect nor self esteem would tolerate being treated thus.

These wasters care for no one but themselves and like to drive home the point the poor unfortunates that live with them.

It's so sad that women carry on making a fuss of their birthdays etc.,when it is obviously a one way street.

Worse still they continue to allow them to father their children.

Really sad.

They deserve so much better.

SquidwardBound · 19/03/2023 16:10

ReneBumsWombats · 19/03/2023 15:57

I was out today with my family and I was surprised at how much space was in the cafes and restaurants. Not booked up at all. Yay anti-capitalism.

I have decided to go to softplay with DS2 and 3 (DS1 is at work). It’s very quiet. But it means I can read a book/MN while DS2 chases a toddler around for me.

My husband is sulking about how I’m the problem and is with his other children (who don’t get to spend Mother’s Day with their mother for the 5th year running because their father is too fucking selfish to care about anything but what works best for his schedule and the maintenance calculation.).

I have decided that I will do me (and my children) because he always lets me down. I think on purpose.

User678945 · 19/03/2023 16:11

Most disturbing thing for me about your post is that he thinks you should go to the gym?? Maybe I'm missing the context of that comment but it's not a nice thing to say imo. Especially after eating the food you wanted and then half your food. Prick.

Wonnle · 19/03/2023 16:14

And you class him as intelligent do you ?

dworky · 19/03/2023 16:15

Quite simple, isn't it?
He doesn't care enough to get it right.