How would you feel about family members eloping?

Personally I wouldn't mind. My ExMiL is a spiteful cow and DD's elder half sister will pick a fight with her own shadow when she's had a few to drink. I'd rather DD had a happy, stress free day than spending the day worrying about certain people ruining the day for her.

We just went off and got married without telling anyone for a year! Reactions varied, but there were no dramas. That was a long time ago in the 1980s, so maybe everyone would be upset at missing out on a big event these days. In the 80s weddings were less of a big thing, I think.

This.

If I remarry it will be in church anyway, number of guests is irrelevant, I will have an open invitation to anyone who wants to attend and a buffet (I'd do it) and band after, no hassles with tables etc that way either as sit where you want.

So much of weddings seems to be about logistics and extreme costs, doesn't have to be - I can do the lot for under £1000, byob

If you were my sister / daughter / cousin / friend I would be thrilled for you that you were celebrating your marriage in the way that you wanted - not doing it a certain way to please other people. Especially if that would make you uncomfortable. I might be sad to not be there, but if I was a close family member, I would offer to take you for a lovely meal sometime afterwards to celebrate and would hope you'd share lots of photos with me! Congrats on your upcoming wedding.

I wouldn’t be even the slightest bit upset! I’d rather someone had the wedding that they wanted.

We eloped. Couldn't afford a big white wedding and were trying to sort out a very low budget event. We were paying everything ourselves. Yet MiL was telling us we had to invite xy&z who I'd never met. And how we should be doing things.
How wonderful Sil's wedding was (which PiLs paid for).
So we cancelled the few arrangements we'd booked and quietly disappeared to Gretna Green. We told everyone afterwards.

PiLs were not impressed but got over it. My mum was disappointed but said as long as we were happy she was.
My sister didn't speak to me for weeks & then didn't have me as a bridesmaid when she got married several years later.
So there was some fall out initially but it was fine in the end. (30+ years later we are still together & happy).

If you are paying it is your day & your choice. But I would suggest doing things quietly, don't announce plans & just get on with it.

If the wedding has no guests beyond obligatory witnesses, you as a mother or sister haven’t really “not been invited”. Nobody has been.

It’s not a personal slight it’s the wish of the woman and her new partner on the one day that’s entirely about them. Massively self absorbed to make it about you and if it was someone I cared about I would be thrilled they’d had the chance to make a choice that suited them.

My DS are reaching age when marriage is possible - not saying probable as who knows these days 🤣
im all for doing a wedding that’s quiet, limited attendees and at last minute. I had one line that myself- 9 guest and registry and a nice meal at lunch time. I’m an introvert, was quite shy back then and didn’t want fuss and all the attention.

but I would be disappointed and a tadge upset if my sons didn’t even want me there for their marriage, even if it was a quick registry office. It is a moment in their life that is a milestone and marriages are about publically legitimising a relationship along with legal/financial commitments historically . If it wasn’t we wouldn’t get married. I would want to be able to be there to see them make that commitment and support them, and to have the memory of that important day.

its like a close relative of mine. He and his wife had a very small wedding. Lovely occasion and just very them, in a remote uk place with limited facilities . Immediate family only and about 12 in wedding party only. I wasn’t invited. No problem with that , I got to hear about the plans, and I got to see the photos and hear all about it first hand when they got back. A part of me was quite glad to not have to travel to this remote place. But all that wedding day I was thinking about them, what was happening, were they enjoying themselves? What happened, etc etc. I didn’t miss going as such, but a little part of me does feel that I missed out on seeing the happy couple on their day, seeing their reactions, hearing their vows etc. if I had been their mum, I’d have been very sad and felt quite upset on that day

Weirdly I would be upset if my children did it but we are considering doing a ceremony at the local registry office with just our kids there (2 over 18 so will be the witnesses)

The nicest wedding I've ever been to was a very quiet one.Bride was very introverted so they went registry office with no fuss and just 4 guests.
We all went to the train station cafe for a cuppa then they went straight to Paris fir a few days away alone.

I don’t care much for weddings and I’m very introverted but I’d be pissed off if my dc kept something as big as getting married from me. It indicates that the closeness I feel isn’t really there and, given that we speak, they have essentially lied through emission by not saying that they are getting married. People are entitled to do what they want but given that I get phone calls and messages about stuff like “look at my pancakes!” And “the guard on the train is so nice” and “finally got a dentist appointment” and “I have to buy a lightbulb” and “I still don’t have my rota” then excluding “I’m getting married!!!!” Would be a blow tbh.

If they planned a wedding and didn’t want any guests but told me about it then I would feel a bit odd about it but I wouldn’t be upset as such. I wish I’d had a smaller wedding in hindsight but not so small that it left my mum out of it.

I think for me, even if we'd have invited certain people, whatever we'd decided wouldn't have been good enough.

My dress wouldn't have have been good enough (I didn't have a white dress and didn't want the stress of looking for a wedding dress never mind the cost), the location wouldn't have been to MILs taste, etc etc.

And I think that is what sealed it for me. I didn't want the stress and I didn't think I could cope with all the inane planning.

MIL wanted to do all that - cos she wanted to take it over. Nevermind what my mum might have thought about that.

Nevermind the cost (which we couldn't afford).

We had a holiday of a lifestyle and bought a camera which we still use instead of proper photos.

I don't regret it and everything since especially MILs reaction has only reinforced that.

I could have coped with my parents there but it wasn't fair to invite them and not DHs (he didn't want his mum there either). We told my parents this directly and they were sympathetic.

It was the right thing for us.

I would be sad not to see dc married. I think i would feel hurt. However i would have to get over it if that is what they wanted. I suppose as a mum I just want to be part of such a happy occasion.

It doesn’t indicate any lack of closeness. I adore my parents, but I absolutely didn’t want any fuss, or discussions about inviting people — DH and I are both from huge families, so even if we only invited immediate family, it would have been big. But they key thing is that getting married wasn’t a big deal for either of us. Our relationship was and is a big deal, but the marriage was a legal rubber stamp on something long established. Other people would have wanted it to be a big deal, and projected their own ideas about romance and Big Days etc on it. So I wasn’t keeping an important event from my parents, I was preserving my own sanity and prioritising my own preferences about something unimportant to me.

We married and then told family and friends whilst we were away on our honeymoon.

How we wanted to celebrate was most important, not what other people expected.

For what it's worth, our siblings had more traditional weddings, and are now all divorced.

I would be quite relieved if DB eloped (he's getting married in August) but I am an introvert and nothing fills me with more dread than large gatherings of people I don't know. My DPs however would be very hurt. Mum would put on a brave face and say she understood but my Dad would be a bloody nightmare about it!

Dd is only 5 so have years but honestly think I would be upset

My mum was here for my first wedding. Sadly my dh died

My mum met my new to be dh but she had sadly died by the time we got engaged and married

I missed her at our /my 2nd wedding

I get you went it quiet but as you need to have witness's couldn't both parents come so be 6 of you and they be your witness rather then strangers

Myself and DH did exactly this. It was great!

I did tell family beforehand though. We had two strangers as witnesses and then we had a small dinner for 10 afterwards at petit paris with our closest friends. 😁

I wouldn't mind someone else doing this at all. I would be a bit upset if it was kept completely secret though. I still want to be excited and happy for the couple!

Weddings are blown out of all proportion these days.

My husband and I eloped. Just us and two witnesses at the registry office. It was perfect. Our families were happy for us, and my parents both said they fully expected us to do it that way. Had they been unhappy they absolutely would have expressed it.

My sister did elope, as did my DS.

Happy for them all. Felt a bit sad at first, but if that's what they choose then I'm okay with it.

Closest friends - any family ? Parents etx attend

Wouldn't give the slightest shit if my sisters did this.

Would be a bit disappointed to miss my DDs' weddings but ultimately I'd be happy if they had the wedding they wanted.

Yanbu! Do it! I wish I had!