How would you feel about family members eloping?

It's not about them ultimately. It's about you and your other half.

We did the same. The thought of a big wedding stressed me out that much. We'd been engaged for five years at that point anyway.

MIL got the hump. She wanted a big do back home. I didn't. She held it against us for years. Not only did her middle son get married 'out of order' by daring to marry before her eldest child ( I'm older than the brother) 'it didn't feel like her son was properly married'. She bleated on about it for at least 5 years still expecting that party before she got the message but still holds it against us.

I couldn't give a shit. Neither could DH. It demonstrated her me, me, me attitude in life. She wasn't interested in our happiness. It was all about putting on a show to her family and friends.

Do what you need/want to do and don't look back. Your future is with your partner. If your family care about you, they won't want to put you through the stress of having to think about all the other bullshit and making sure everyone else is happy. This is your day.

We did think about maybe asking certain people who we could cope with but ultimately decided against that because we felt that would cause more hurt about who we had chosen and who we'd left out and that was more trouble than it was worth.

Go and have the wedding you want not the one you feel you are expected to have.

you have a good relationship with your parents why would you not let them be a part of it if they would like?

Because they couldn't afford to travel to attend anyway as I said. And I couldn't afford to buy them all plane tickets.

I’d be upset if my kids didn’t want their mum and siblings there, and the same for their partners - I’m basing this on their having good relationships with them, before anyone chimes in - but do what’s right for you.

I really wouldn’t care. Honestly. I bloody love weddings but they cause such a drama that I can totally understand why people elope.
However I would just have never mentioned it in the first place. It’s daft to tell people in advance because then you get to hear their opinions and let their guilt tripping start. Often people elope to spare the dramatics and faff of having to consider everyone’s wishes so it’s weird that they would then publicise the fact they’re eloping ahead of time!

We did it.

told family in advance. didn’t specifically invite them, but didn’t say they couldn’t come.

My parents booked flights and turned up as they didn’t want to miss it.

dh’s parents had already been to that destination so didn’t want to come.

I'm planning on getting married next year .! Just DP and our two sons. I don't have any friends my brother lives in a different country and I dislike my sister in law. I don't speak to my mother and strongly dislike my father. I'm totally at peace with that.

If you have family who would through a hissy fit over you eloping, then that's dysfunctional not a good family relationship...

I'd be happy for them. Life is too short to worry about what everybody else is going to think of you.

We clearly have different ideas about what is important.

If my parents hadn't been able to afford to travel and I couldn't pay for them, I'd have gotten married somewhere they could afford, and then gone abroad after.

If the reason is that your parents couldn't afford it (as you've stated) that is quite hurtful!

'Sorry mum you can't come to see me get married because you don't have enough money'

100% this

I was a little gutted when a friend did this, as I was looking forward to celebrating her day with her (and she'd been a bridesmaid for me so if I'm honest, I'd anticipated being given a similar role if she got married and it would have meant something special to me), however I understood her reasoning and accepted that it wasn't personal to me or anyone else. Years on and our friendship is strong as ever, so it hasn't affected anything.

This really.

The whole point of eloping is that people can’t object because they don’t know about it.

Telling people beforehand just gives them chance to have an opinion - most people who love you will want to celebrate with you and will understandably be disappointed to be told about it and not be involved.

So, just go and do it if you just want the two of you, tell people after.

Apologies I've seen your parents live abroad- of course that's different.

I’d want to be at my child’s or sister’s wedding. Anyone else’s I’d be relieved not to go.

I would be very hurt if my children didn't include me tbh.
I wouldn't say anything to them but I know I would be really upset

I would have been happy with Registrar Office and just the 2 required witnesses. Infact I had zero interest in a 'ceremony' but even with a Registrar Office one there are still certain legal phrases you have to do so it's not just signing a few forms (the whole thing was cringe IMHO)
In the end we did Registrar Office plus both sets of parents, siblings and the few children. So about 15 people in total.
Are you saying you want to go abroad and get married there?
To be honest I would do the legal ceremony in the UK with a few relatives and if just go on honeymoon at whatever your destination is.
The legal ceremony takes about half an hour. Is upsetting family worth those 30 minutes?

If you are going to do it, just do it. They will get over it.

We did it, most people made comments about being disappointed not being there (guess it was only polite as the alternative would be to say thank fuck we didnt have to go to your wedding 🤣), but overall they were happy we were happy and we had a very informal family bbq at mums a few weeks later where they made a bit of a fuss of us which was lovely.

Mum was the most disappointed, but even she said she knew me and knew a wedding wasn't "my thing" so respected my choice.

On the flip side, if parents have a good relationship with their children, why would they not be happy for you to do things however you wanted to, even if it didn’t include them?

Theres nothing wrong with it. Sometimes, being selfish is absolutely fine and your wedding is one of those times! The entitlement some people feel over other people’s weddings baffles me.

People do need to remember there is a big difference between "getting married" and "a wedding".
@Elopenope is your family expecting a wedding? Is that why you want to elope? Even at a Registrar Office service they can wear a pretty frock and all that if that's what they think is important.

Go for it ❤️

As a parent: I'd be happy that I'd raised my child to have the confidence to make their own decisions and not worry about making others happy on a day that is meant for them to celebrate their love for the spouse they themselves had chosen.

As a sibling: I'd be so excited for my sibling however they decided to mark the occasion!

I get it, OP. I’m also quite introverted and I’m not a party person at all.

I cannot imagine anything worse than having a traditional wedding & being the centre of attention for an entire day. Everything about it; the months of build up, the dresses, flowers, hen party, guest list dramas, hair & make-up, speeches, photographers, public dancing etc etc all sounds utterly ghastly. Fine for those who enjoy it, but definitely not for me.

Have the wedding you and your partner want to have. If that means just the two of you somewhere obscure, then do it, but be aware of the possibility of this upsetting your parents. Ultimately, they would have to deal with that as they consider appropriate.

It isn’t compulsory to have a big party or any of the stuff I previously mentioned. Having a small, no-frills, private, civil ceremony on a weekday, with only parents & possibly siblings invited, followed by lunch at a local restaurant would seem to be a sensible compromise.

I thought elope meant not telling anyone beforehand? I know a few who've done the Gretna Green thing with no family fallout. I suspect one of my daughter's may get caught up in the big wedding drama one day and I'm vaguely dreading it. Such a waste of money and so boring but, if asked, I'd have to go along to dress fittings etc.

It's your wedding, so do whatever you want. But perhaps best not to discuss with family beforehand? Just do it, & THEN tell them.

I would think it was none of my business and be relieved that I didn't have to go to a wedding, then forget about it.

I wouldn't mind at all.

People need to understand they don't have a God given right to dictate to others, how they choose to get married.

Also, if they were already living together/had kids, I'd see it as more of a box tick than if they weren't.