To cut DHs night out short and ask him to come home?

[TheGumptionTheGall]

So DH went out tonight. He is only at the pub a few streets away, seeing a live band
He goes out maybe once or twice a week. In the days since then our 9 month old DS has been diagnosed with a chest infection and given antibiotics. He is better now than he was but still coughing a lot and very unsettled at night.

DH went out at 6 tonight. When he left both kids were happily having dinner (we also have a 4 year old) and baby went to sleep fine at 7, but at around 8 he woke up coughing and crying and since then has cried every time he's put down. Or he'll stay asleep but then start coughing and wake himself up. I'm currently sat on the sofa holding him upright as he sleeps as that's the only position he'll stay asleep in. I haven't had a chance to properly tidy/clean up after dinner (I should say DH normally does this as I do all of the cooking), have a shower, or even consider going to bed myself yet. I suppose some might say just put DS in his cot and get on with it but as he's unsettled because he's poorly I feel that's a little cruel. I am already pretty exhausted as DS was very unsettled last night too and I dealt with 90% of the wakings, as I normally do (DS is breastfed and DH sleeps in a separate room as he snores terribly, so baby is in with me). I asked DH when he'd be home and he said 'probably midnight/1am'. I DO NOT want to be staying up that late.

AIBU to ask him to come home a little earlier, just to help out? I should say he doesn't drink so no worries about him looking after DS whilst drunk. He would come home if asked but part of me feels bad as he's been wanting to see this band for weeks. But on the other hand I'm exhausted, on my own with a 4 year old (albeit she's asleep) and a poorly baby and need to get some sleep? Sometimes I feel like I get overwhelmed too easily and just need to suck it up.

Inspired!

I think OP has gone. I tried to PM but they're no longer active.

You must tell the office that pays your benefit as soon as possible if you:
go into hospital for one night or longer
go into a care home or rehabilitation centre for one night or longer
will miss a Jobcentre Plus appointment because you're in hospital or have a medical appointment
A friend or relative can call for you.
regards: fitted bed sheet

I think the OP has gone. I tried to PM them, but they're no longer active.
regards: fitted bed sheets

What are you on about @Stewered ?

Hope you are OK this morning OP and baby feels better. Some very unsafe co sleeping advice has been suggested on this thread - if anyone is going to co sleep please follow safer sleep rules

www.lullabytrust.org.uk/safer-sleep-advice

Agree with this. It’s actually shocking people would rather see a baby propped upright with pillows or held on a sofa by an exhausted mother than call a man home two hours early from the pub he frequents twice a week anyway.

Hope you have a happy Mother's Day OP

It sounds like it’s one night. If I was out on a rare night out with friends and my husband asked me to come home early so I can tidy the kitchen and have the baby while they have a shower I would be so confused and annoyed. It’s such a non reason. It can easily wait until the morning.

You’re being so dramatic with your responses. “Oh so I should just do everything then???” That’s hardly what people are saying.

God you really do enjoy being overdramatic. Your child might feel more comforted if you unglued your phone from your hand

You mean the baby who was asleep and oblivious to a bit of mumsnetting while being held? Are you OK?

Same. I think if DC was being sick or both unwell and needing comforting I'd ask but in these circumstances I wouldnt. 12/1 isn't that late for me though I could easily stay up and then just have a lie in the following day if needed.

Hi OP, sorry you're baby is ill but in your situation, for the sake of an hour I'd just wait. You'd said he'd come if asked so he's clearly not an arsehole. If the other child is asleep and it's just a case of holding the baby for another hour, it's not what I would class really as a 2 person job.

Yeah I was going to ask why people were saying falling asleep on the sofa was unsafe (which it obviously is) but suggesting going to bed propped up with the baby. How is that any safer? Genuine question.

It's amazing that so many posters accept so little from their husbands/partners.

He goes out once or twice a week - this isn't a particularly special occasion, even if it's a band he'd like to see. I expect they had finished playing by the time OP posted anyway.

I wouldn't think much of a man who went out that frequently with young DC while his wife never did. Nor would I think much of a man who left his wife to struggle with a sick child so he could go to the pub.

You must have seriously low standards if you think that is all ok.

OP - YANBU, hope you got some sleep in the end, hope your DC is better and that you are having a nice mother's day so far.

The fact that you would (hope to) cope doesnt mean that OP will cope too. Great if you can function on close to no sleep at all and wash dishes on and with a sick baby in a sling. Its fine to feel ovewhelmed and/or physically tired in a situation like this.

This.

You’re the mum, he’s the dad. He should have been there with you.
He shouldn’t have asked to even go out when it’s clear one of the kids is unwell. That’s putting you in a difficult position but he probably knew you’d say yes. Do you also go out twice a week when your kids are ill.

OP's h goes out once or twice a week.

I hope you’re getting some sleep today.
Ignore all the nasty holier than thou comments from the ‘pat on the back’ parents here, they clearly lacked the basic comprehension skills to understand the purpose of your thread.

Ps. Remember, your dh needs to step up and remember he’s a father now.

Well said.👏👏👏👏
I was starting to feel I’d been a crap wife all these years for believing in basic respect and equality

No. He can bloody well stay at home!

I don't think missing the occasional night out will cramp his social life that much

Seriously, and I know this is MN, but how many mothers would go out leaving a poorly baby with the dad, however competent he is?

Whole world doesn't need to revolve around the baby, as long as both partners agree how much time is allowed whats the issue? Its not about accepting so little its about both parents agreeing what is okay for them. I have an active social life, if I had a child I know I have to cut back but not to completely drop it. I think 1 to 2 times a week is fine.

Presumably op is okay with it , she hasn't said otherwise.

As for a child is sick, all OP had to do was cleary communicate she needs him to come back early. She didn't.

But she wasn’t having to do everything, was she? The 4 year old was asleep. The dirty dishes and tidying absolutely can be left until the next day, and done by her husband, which he does anyway. A shower can again be done in the morning. So really, it was a case of going up to bed and making a safe, cosy and comfortable sleeping arrangement for the two of them.

This. Shower and tidying up can wait