DH organized nothing for tomorrow

[Nomothersdayforme]

Just found out DH has not organised anything for tomorrow. He did this once before but it was just as Covid hit so I wasn’t too upset, hard to go into shops etc and Amazon deliveries all over the place. I’d mentioned something I’d like to him and DD. DS is too little to know. DD tried to advise DH on this and they ordered something totally awful online last week. DD let slip and I told her that maybe she and DH might want to swap it as she’d misinterpreted what I’d said… Said something to DH now about looking forward to what they’d chosen as an alternative once the misunderstanding had been cleared up and he told me they hadn’t got anything else. DD now crying as DH didn’t sort anything else. She is also too young to go to shops alone.

AIBU to think DH is crap? I always get him ace presents and bought gifts and cards for both my DM and his!

So now your child is upset because you tried to guide the present you wanted and it was misinterpreted?? Why are you even discussing it with her and making her feel bad?

This is 100% on you and 100% why I hate Mothers Day, it is a total waste of money and completely pointless. It is commercialised crap that is not needed.

I like your style RedToothBrush. You do what works for you and opt out of the idea that buying stuff equals love and appreciation.

We do mother's day and father's day in a low key way and it suits our family, but have plenty of friends who celebrate bigger than we do.

Regardless of our different celebrations, I can't imagine any of us telling our children to return a gift in advance of a celebration because it isn't good enough. It's such a mean thing to do.

Perfect gift!

Hope you're not allergic to nuts!!! 😂

Card from nursery and DD3 picked some flowers when we went to Aldi.
I've booked a pizza place in town and we'll get the bus there tomorrow afternoon. Nothing fancy but we're lucky. 'D'H won't have thought, he may or may not come. Everything is what you make of it and my biggest present will be her smiles! Loves a bus 🤣

This, honestly I know I’m fairly emotional at the moment but this thread has brought tears.

cannot understand why you couldn’t just say thank you so much DD and I would love a cuddle too.

you have to rectify this for your dd tomorrow. She will remember.

Yeah this!

I wouldn’t have said anything to DD, she tried and it doesn’t feel important enough to upset her over. But then I find the whole Mother’s Day thing OTT. Genuine and non-goady question, do people set so much by it because they feel under appreciated the rest of the year?

They can still do you a breakfast in bed and/or flowers/chocs/Costa gift card he can nip out to shops for in morning. Job done…don’t see why it has to be a big deal…

No idea if my lot have organised anything: I guess I’ll find out in the morning. I’ll be delighted with a card and a coffee in bed 🥰

You accuse people of "setting a low bar", but your lack of basic manners and empathy is, quite frankly, subterranean

yep. I see OP is just doubling down. Her poor DD

Just get him to help her make a card and pop out to the shops with her in the morning to choose a bar of chocolate or flowers from a supermarket or something. Then act surprised. It doesn't matter what it is, its the thought that counts. Think you're thinking more of yourself than your dc being upset. Mine will probably forget but I don't care. Its too commercialised in my opinion. I'd rather they did the washing up or hoover tbh.

110%

Or she’s getting the message that materialism rules and a homemade card and a hug will never be enough for her grabby mother.

You DD should never have known you didn't like the gift.

You are the reason she is crying IMO.

Sure your DP stuffed up but I do think what you did was worse. If you said anything it should have been a quiet word to your partner not your child.

My best Mothers day was a home made card, breakfast in bed consisting of half cooked egg 🤢pale ‘toast’ and lukewarm tea, served with love and pride and only supervised by DH who just made sure they didnt burn themselves. I ate it with a smile and much yummying 😂 40 years on its still my favourite mothers day.

I feel sorry for your daughter 😌
My 4 year old rushed in today and told me it was a surprise but that they’d got me blue flowers and perfume..from Lidl. No, not what I’d choose, but it’s ok, she’s excited. I also had to remind Dh to go with Dd to get me something or she’d be upset and obviously can’t organise it herself..that part does piss me off a bit tbh..if I never said anything, he may not of got anything, but for Dds sake, tomorrows present will be the vest I’ve ever had

Whilst I absolutely agree any little kiss, token of affection no matter how small is lovely on mothers day, some flowers picked in the garden, a little scrap of paper with happy mother's day on it is wonderful.

Tomorow I will be thrilled by a card and I must say one dd is so proud she's chosen a funny one.

However I do also get where op is coming from modelling making an effort for people special to us is important and ops dh should really be helping the dc to do this.

I try and do this for dh bday and gathers day and I remind the dc how amazing their father is and all he does for them etc.
I don't labour it but I do say " shall we start to think about what to get daddy for x... He works hard for all of us and he loves you so much etc etc".

We do naturally take people for granted esp mothers who take on so much behind the scenes grunt work and organising of so so much so why shouldn't ops dh pull his finger out. Why shouldn't all of our children's dads do this even if they are not living with the dc.

I must say I don't remember my df helping me do anything for my dm and I wish I had made so so so much more effort for her.

Even when older, I did obviously buy her flowers and stuff but I wish I had done more but no one really showed me.

I had a new bf and over valentine he started to talk about it and I said it didn't really bother me and I found it cringey but he explained a different train of thought and after that saw vkaritnes different as well.

What is wrong with a card

That's all you need on md

Not countless gifts

Or maybe some flowers or
A box of chocolates

Or if you really want something that bad then buy it yourself from dd

These sort of threads are never really about ‘the stuff’ . Gifts , particularly in families where gift giving is the norm, are the currency by which you feel you are valued. Gift giving is a very ancient ritual and it’s how humans communicate feelings and appreciation since the beginning of time. The OP puts a lot of effort into buying gifts for others , and it’s part of how she shows she care. Her DH went to the bother of asking what she wanted ( “the good guy”) then got her something that he knows (or should know) she’s allergic to . And then put their child in the middle of the fallout. And when OP clumsily tried to fix it she became the bad guy . In a healthy relationship , I would expect DH in this situation to absolutely have taken the DC aside , said he’d made a silly mistake and helped DC select a new gift and the issue could have been resolved leaving everyone happy. Instead the OP is left looking like the bad guy and the DH has withdrawn to punish the OP. Of course it could be just a once off , but I would be looking to see if this is a pattern in my relationship OP , as it’s a very passive aggressive action.

I've only read the OPs posts.

bought gifts and cards for both my DM and his!

Keep the gift and card that you bought for his mother as a replacement for yours. He can then explain to his own mother why he hasn't got her anything.

Happy Mothers day for tomorrow, hope it turns out better than you think it might be @Nomothersdayforme

@MargaretBall

Good summary and a deeper analysis.

Oh gosh op don't buy for him for Mil!!

I thought it was common knowledge that both Mother’s Day and Father’s Day were for receiving dodgy gifts from your kids! My poor parents received no end of crap from us when we were younger. Highlights that I can remember are: box of chocolates - half eaten, a rock found in the garden, a Pokémon t-shirt, frogspawn in a jar and a singing novelty tie. Each gift was pretended to be loved and adored and it’s something I can’t wait to do with my own kids.

You sound like you are taking the day a bit too seriously and it’s a cliché but the gifts are really not important.

I’m afraid you sound awful, op.

You sound utterly ridiculous. And yes some of us would be happy with a bunch of flowers because we are grown adults FFS. You’re not a kid on your birthday, it’s a token gift. I’d be more delighted with a home made card with a nice message, something meaningful.

FFS.....just because some women are happy with a bowl of dirty dishes for Mothers Day doesnt mean that we should all matyr ourselves at the alter of parenthood!

I am sorry that I have to point this out, but clearly the hard of thinking need this, it isnt about gifts or cards or being "treated". Its about respect and love.

When one person in a partnership shows their love and respect by giving gifts that their OH will love and treasure, and the other goes for the "first option on Amazon" its shows "that'll do"....no love, no respect, no care. Its hurtful.

I went over and above in effort for my ex partner this last Xmas, I spent so much time finding exactly what I knew he would love, and he did. He bought me a Pandora charm. I do not own a Pandora bracelet and really do not like Pandora, he knows this. But this was his go to gift for his ex wife. I had an EPIC NYE with my sister and my friends, he spent his dumped and alone.