Do you think you're a nice person?

[haioopl]

I go out of my way for friends and will consider other’s feelings etc. But this is mostly for my own gain, to feel liked and needed. I can be incredibly selfish and often have very selfish thoughts. Is anyone truly nice? Truly genuine?

So, when something bad happens to you stinkface, is that karma?

I am mostly nice, yes. Go out of my way and think of others. I can also be mean if I need to, and happy to phase out a CF, although even then I usually can empathise with the person, and will usually end up feeling sorry for them - but I don't forget.
So yes, I think I am a mostly nice person

Karma doesn't mean everyone gets what they deserve (think about that one). It's a philosophy that just means your actions now will shape your future, and you are living now with the consequences of past actions.

Interesting comment. I do too, but I'm still nice. Nice doesn't mean stupid, I think you can still be nice and call people out on their BS

No. I used to be, but “nice” isn’t necessarily kind. If it’s rooted in people-pleasing, it’s ultimately fear-based and can be manipulative.

I am definitely not nice any more - I am well-boundaried, and I’m kind at all costs.

but that means people can trust my “yes”, since I for sure have a “no.”

I am nice and treat people well but I’m not a mug and hold my boundaries. So I’m sure there will be some that wouldn’t think I was nice as I’m not afraid to say no.

I try to be but I’ve also become more selfish as I’ve got older (in my 40s now) so perhaps others don’t perceive me like that. I am extremely introverted and enjoy my own space so I only really have one friend and don’t want anymore. I am friendly and nice to everyone but I think perhaps others see me as a bit weird / cold because I don’t have any interest in cultivating new friendships. I am very confident I have autism but have never had a formal diagnosis.

I am embarrassed by my younger self and I was definitely not a nice person then, although in my defence I had a terrible abusive childhood with a mother who was alcoholic and schizophrenic and was sectioned many times. When I got to 18-21 I went completely off the rails and did some awful things, had an affair with a married man in his 30s, I worked in a pub and he used to come in there with his wife and 3 kids. I mean that was fucking awful and there is no excuse but I think I was on a self destruct mission. I ended it and no one ever found out. I then cheated on another boyfriend I had after that and generally just used men really. I’m embarrassed by all of that, really embarrassed. It feels like a different life now. I was drinking way too much and was pretty much alcoholic. I haven’t had a drink at all for 15 years now.

Yeah I am. I'm not perfect by any means. But I have strong moral compass and I feely behaviour falls within what I consider being a good person. It's interesting many comments are about focusing on family and friends. I feel like being a good or nice person doesn't mean you have to be helping others out all of the time. But it is about how you go through the world and unfortunately many people are actively unpleasant to others.

I thought it meant it returns in the next life, I don't know much about that religion though.

I'm adorable.

I am nice and kind to those who are nice and kind to me. If they are mean or unkind, I will cut them off or, if they are relatives or others I can’t completely avoid, I will find ways to deliberately needle them. I realize we all need other people (to a certain extent), but I am a misanthrope at heart so I only have unconditional love for very few people, and generally very low tolerance for bad behavior. I do really love (non-human) animals very much and partner and I have rescued many.

Nope, I'm generally fair but wouldn't class my self as nice. My mum is nice though. I think I'm too selfish, and sometimes wish misfortune upon those I don't like/ think deserve it.

People generally like me. I’m nice to my family and friends. Always conscious of being nice to eg hospitality staff, supermarket staff etc when I see others being unnecessarily mean or rude. Thoughtful in gift buying and sending cards or being there for people who are going through a rough time.

But I am inwardly very judgemental? Fat people? Benefits scrougers? Judge them all. Here’s another perfect example. I’m wealthy and give nothing to charity because I am bitter about having to give 45% of my income away. (Don’t think the £20 I gave to a homeless guy yesterday counts, that was rare)

But if you met me, you’d never know. I’m really nice to people generally. It’s all surface level.

But I am inwardly very judgemental? Fat people? Benefits scrougers?

Of all the people you could have admitted you 'judge,' overweight ones and less wealthy ones were the first to spring to mind?

Nice little 'edgelord' online persona you've got going there. Shocking to hear you're very different irl.

No, very irritable.

I'm a tale of 2 halves.

I'm genuinely very empathetic, caring, considerate and generous.

However, I am also judgemental and bitchy and if you wrong me then I'll rejoice in any misfortune that comes your way (bar death or disease, I'm not that bad).

I am kind and generous to my friends and family but I don’t think that makes me a nice person.

I’m quite snobby and judgemental but I hide it fairly well. Only DH knows how much I enjoy a good bitch about people.

I am!

I'm a genuinely lovely person and I'm always described as lovely whatthefnow.

I absolutely love who I am.

I'm "nice" in that I unfailingly try to see the best in people, so I cut them a lot of slack and tend to be magnanimous whatever the situation. Even though nobody gives one shit what I think and wouldn't necessarily be as generous to me, which gives an edge to my "niceness".

At the old age of 50 I'm becoming quite bitter. I think, if you can't #bekind then #Don'tBeAnArsehole would suffice.

Interesting thread and something I've often wondered about other people and given lots of thought to.

I'm incredibly empathetic, I hate upsetting anyone and not just because I want them to like me. I get very upset by sad stories. I'm very sociable and friendly and outwardly nice.

However, I get jealous when friends have good fortune, and secretly wish they wouldn't. For example if a friend was going for a big promotion, I would seem supportive but secretly hope she didn't get it. Awful right? I wish I wasn't like that, as I hate that trait.
I would always give the right advice though, and do the right thing, and I'd help anyone that needed help, so would never intentionally scupper someone, but just deep down I struggle
with jealousy. I'm not at all judgemental or bitchy.
I know one or two properly genuine folk, it shines out of them... They genuinely radiate kindness.

I'd genuinely be interested to hear from people who never feel jealousy, who are genuinely happy for other people all the time.

I can be really kind, and sometimes I am.

I can also be a complete bitch when self-interest (or that of my immediate family) requires it. As a PP said, also much less tolerant of others who don’t deserve it living in clover.

I think I'm nice in the sense that I really do feel a lot of empathy and care about people. It breaks my heart to see anyone suffering. I'm thoughtful and will give a lot of time and effort for others.
At the same time I have plenty of mean spirited thoughts about people (even good friends of mine) so I'm certainly not all sweetness and light.

TBH though, I think a lot of our collective ‘not niceness’ is due to today’s society. We live in a very competitive society where every type of resource is scarce and almost all have to work really hard to have a decent quality of life.

If we could all move to a really chilled out place with lots of space and resources for everyone (and no money worries), I suspect that we would all become 100% nicer people 😁

I don’t think of myself as either ‘nice’ or ‘not nice’ tbh, and I don’t think I ever have. I’ve only aimed to be happy with who I am…and I am.

Some people think I’m a nice person, others think I’m fucking awful. I’m perfectly fine and comfortable with that.

No I'm a selfish twat. I'm also very petty and don't suffer fools gladly. I'm still a nicer, more likeable person than my boss so I can accept who I am.