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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be gobsmacked at Kate Ferdinand complaining about not getting a Mother’s Day card from her then-boyfriend Rio’s children

254 replies

AngeloMysterioso · 17/03/2023 17:14

When she’d only been living with them six months, and moved in when they’d been together less than a year?! And their own actual mother had died of cancer?

I get that she was already taking a great deal of care of them and would have appreciated some acknowledgment of that, but this is just taking the piss.

OP posts:
Talkwhilstyouwalk · 17/03/2023 22:07

MiniCooperLover · 17/03/2023 17:54

Why didn't you include the rest of her quote in your OP? Because it meant she didn't look quite so selfish?

And then I felt selfish for wanting a card - how dare I want a card? So anyone that's kind of new in this situation might feel like that because it's a weird one - 'I wasn't a biological parent so how could I expect that? But I felt like a mum.

Exactly, look at it in context.

That said, I'm not a massive fan of hers, she likes the limelight......

Talkwhilstyouwalk · 17/03/2023 22:08

*she enjoys the limelight

WarWhatIsItGoodFor · 17/03/2023 22:10

Kate is a gold-digging hoe, end of. She saw an opportunity to get rich and she took it. As soon as Rio’s kids are old enough they’ll be pushed out of the nest so she can push her own kids forward. He’s hardly Mr Clever as he can barely string a sentence together. Thick as mince and attention-seeking, the pair of them. Rebecca kept her children and life out of the limelight whereas this one is a media hoe.

catskittens · 17/03/2023 22:11

She was Rio's mistress make no mistake a vile couple

Hope she gives a good answer when the kids find out they cheated on their mum while having cancer

and i bet now she is pregnant again the step kids will go down the pecking order

she has secured her place and an income for the next 18yrs

Birdsbirdsbirds · 17/03/2023 22:12

I don't think anyone who was a "gold digging hoe" as you put it would bother with a relationship that must is as complex as this. You'd choose an easier target, no? Seems like a lot of effort to me.

catskittens · 17/03/2023 22:14

the way she act's you would think she was the first step parent eva

Birdsbirdsbirds · 17/03/2023 22:15

What by talking about her feelings?

Why is it so frowned upon for a step mum to talk about their reality? Why can everyone else do it, be encouraged to do it, in fact, but not if you're a step mum?

Does anyone actually have an answer for that?

hourbyhour101 · 17/03/2023 22:30

@Birdsbirdsbirds honestly @Eyerollcentral is a frequent Vistor on the step board and the only positive thing I can say about this poster is she's consistent.

Literally will read one thing and completely ignore any other words that don't factor into her narrative. It's like every post she makes screams I have issues with step families and will assume every step parent is wicked but apparently has no lived experience of step families but Screams projection to me.. anyway

Honestly op I was coming on to agree with you (as a step parent) but you too seemed to have missed out a large chunk of text
that does change the narrative and my perspective on it.

She didn't want a card from her kids, she wanted recognition from her partner in the role she now plays within the family, and acknowledges this is on some level unreasonable and selfish. I personally wouldn't be fussed but that's not really relevant as horses for courses.

Everyone's entitled to emotions, even step mothers.

Eyerollcentral · 17/03/2023 22:33

hourbyhour101 · 17/03/2023 22:30

@Birdsbirdsbirds honestly @Eyerollcentral is a frequent Vistor on the step board and the only positive thing I can say about this poster is she's consistent.

Literally will read one thing and completely ignore any other words that don't factor into her narrative. It's like every post she makes screams I have issues with step families and will assume every step parent is wicked but apparently has no lived experience of step families but Screams projection to me.. anyway

Honestly op I was coming on to agree with you (as a step parent) but you too seemed to have missed out a large chunk of text
that does change the narrative and my perspective on it.

She didn't want a card from her kids, she wanted recognition from her partner in the role she now plays within the family, and acknowledges this is on some level unreasonable and selfish. I personally wouldn't be fussed but that's not really relevant as horses for courses.

Everyone's entitled to emotions, even step mothers.

Frequent??? Nope.

hourbyhour101 · 17/03/2023 22:33

Birdsbirdsbirds · 17/03/2023 22:15

What by talking about her feelings?

Why is it so frowned upon for a step mum to talk about their reality? Why can everyone else do it, be encouraged to do it, in fact, but not if you're a step mum?

Does anyone actually have an answer for that?

Because people like to put step mothers in a evil step mother box and any display of emotion might give people pause to consider her also a human ? Rather than a fictional book character which is much easier to be nasty to.

It's harder to be cruel to someone you view as a human being. And most don't want that

God this thread is depressing.

hourbyhour101 · 17/03/2023 22:35

@Eyerollcentral 🙄🙄🙄 I'm sure if people want to they can have a look on your posting history.

That said you do spend a lot of time on step parenting board for someone who isn't a step parent and for someone who says they don't have a step parent involved with their kids.

As I said your consistent... that's something I suppose.

Eyerollcentral · 17/03/2023 22:38

hourbyhour101 · 17/03/2023 22:35

@Eyerollcentral 🙄🙄🙄 I'm sure if people want to they can have a look on your posting history.

That said you do spend a lot of time on step parenting board for someone who isn't a step parent and for someone who says they don't have a step parent involved with their kids.

As I said your consistent... that's something I suppose.

I don’t spend a lot of time on the step parenting board, I’ve only ever commented on active topics. The only board I ever frequent is the FWR one. This is a public forum though, people can post on whatever they want.

Birdsbirdsbirds · 17/03/2023 22:40

Eyerollcentral · 17/03/2023 22:38

I don’t spend a lot of time on the step parenting board, I’ve only ever commented on active topics. The only board I ever frequent is the FWR one. This is a public forum though, people can post on whatever they want.

Show quote history

You've commented on a lot of those posts though, for someone who isn't a step parent and apparently doesn't have any issues with them. You can post where you like, sure, but it's very telling. Very telling indeed.

Birdsbirdsbirds · 17/03/2023 22:40

hourbyhour101 · 17/03/2023 22:33

Because people like to put step mothers in a evil step mother box and any display of emotion might give people pause to consider her also a human ? Rather than a fictional book character which is much easier to be nasty to.

It's harder to be cruel to someone you view as a human being. And most don't want that

God this thread is depressing.

Show quote history

Indeed it is.

Eyerollcentral · 17/03/2023 22:41

Birdsbirdsbirds · 17/03/2023 22:40

You've commented on a lot of those posts though, for someone who isn't a step parent and apparently doesn't have any issues with them. You can post where you like, sure, but it's very telling. Very telling indeed.

Show quote history

This is an AIBU thread…. I don’t have any issue with step parents 🤷‍♀️ This is a thread about Kate Ferdinand

Birdsbirdsbirds · 17/03/2023 22:43

Eyerollcentral · 17/03/2023 22:41

This is an AIBU thread…. I don’t have any issue with step parents 🤷‍♀️ This is a thread about Kate Ferdinand

Show quote history

Sure you don't!Grin

Birdsbirdsbirds · 17/03/2023 22:44

I'm surprised you've not claimed it's a thread about Elvis Presley with everything you've made up, that must be the first true thing you've said!

billthefrog · 17/03/2023 22:46

I don’t think she is unreasonable for feeling how she did (and acknowledging she was UR to feel this way).

she was unreasonable to make it public knowledge reported by the press. She didn’t care the kids would read it.

Eyerollcentral · 17/03/2023 22:48

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Birdsbirdsbirds · 17/03/2023 22:51

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Nope, really don't. It's not perceived criticism, it's out and out lying. We've had this discussion already. And it's not just me now either is it, you've been outed for being a repeat offender.

Frankly I don't think you could give less of a shit about the kids, I think sticking the boot in makes you feel better.

I don't have any unresolved issues, thank you. Nice deflection though.

Birdsbirdsbirds · 17/03/2023 22:54

It's funny that as a step mother you can't call anyone out for lying, being offensive, trolling, twisting words without having someone tell you you need to see a psychiatrist.

Is that what people really think? That we all need medical attention if we call out bullies?

Birdsbirdsbirds · 17/03/2023 22:55

It's disgusting really. It's basically saying well if you don't like being stereotyped you must have substantial mental health issues. You okay with that @mnhq?

Original poster
AngeloMysterioso · 17/03/2023 22:57

AngeloMysterioso · 17/03/2023 21:05

If all she wanted was some acknowledgement of everything she was doing- and that is not at all unreasonable- why did it need to be on Mother’s Day?

Interesting that nobody has attempted to answer this one…

OP posts:
Eyerollcentral · 17/03/2023 23:01

Birdsbirdsbirds · 17/03/2023 22:51

Nope, really don't. It's not perceived criticism, it's out and out lying. We've had this discussion already. And it's not just me now either is it, you've been outed for being a repeat offender.

Frankly I don't think you could give less of a shit about the kids, I think sticking the boot in makes you feel better.

I don't have any unresolved issues, thank you. Nice deflection though.

Show quote history

You genuinely seem to, your response to the things I have said are so OTT and you have repeatedly accused me of having a problem with step parents, despite me telling you I have a sister who is a step mother, that I have a close relationship with her step children and that I know first hand the difficulties taking on someone else’s children. BTW my sister was a full time step mother too, the children’s mother had abandoned them and my sister and her husband had full custody so I think I have a good idea of how children who have lost their mother feel and behave, because to all extents and purposes those children had lost their mother. The things you have said to me are actually deeply offensive, particularly because of the extent of my involvement in the children’s lives and the closeness of our relationships. But I don’t take it personally because you are just some angry woman posting on this board. I haven’t said anything personally offensive to you but you repeatedly chosen to say grossly offensive things to me.

Birdsbirdsbirds · 17/03/2023 23:07

AngeloMysterioso · 17/03/2023 22:57

Interesting that nobody has attempted to answer this one…

Show quote history

Ooh I dunno because it's a significant event that brought it home to her? Hardly a mystery is it!