To be gobsmacked at Kate Ferdinand complaining about not getting a Mother’s Day card from her then-boyfriend Rio’s children

[AngeloMysterioso]

When she’d only been living with them six months, and moved in when they’d been together less than a year?! And their own actual mother had died of cancer?

I get that she was already taking a great deal of care of them and would have appreciated some acknowledgment of that, but this is just taking the piss.

I hate the whole exploitation of children as family members without a choice really, in reality shows and documentaries.

Why didn't you include the rest of her quote in your OP? Because it meant she didn't look quite so selfish?

And then I felt selfish for wanting a card - how dare I want a card? So anyone that's kind of new in this situation might feel like that because it's a weird one - 'I wasn't a biological parent so how could I expect that? But I felt like a mum.

well replacing their mother so.quickly was never a good move anyway. I dont know what he was thinking of never mind her.

Is it wrong to want a token of appreciation? My DSDs Mum buys me a gift and card from her every year and has done since year two when DH and I were just living together. But she’s not dead, obviously, so maybe that makes it different. We buy for her stepdad too on Fathers Day. Being a step parent is rewarding and amazing but not easy, card and a bunch of flowers wouldn’t have hurt IMO.

You sound like a wonderful stepmum. Your son is lucky to have you.

Why are we step mum bashing again? This is years old and she is now married to him with children of her own.

It’s not wrong to want a token of appreciation. It is wrong to expect one on Mother’s Day from your new boyfriend’s children who’ve known you barely a year at most and whose own mother died after a long and hideous illness a few years prior.

Where am I step mum bashing?

She’s literally released a podcast episode today where she’s talking about how upset she was not to get a Mother’s Day card the first Mothers Day that she and Rio were together- when she wasn’t even a step mum at the time, she was their Dad’s new girlfriend who had been living with them six months.

I’ll admit I’m not familiar with this woman.

But the 2nd quote added does give some balance.

Perhaps as a new and unsure step-mum, she really longed for the bit of validation a card might have given her. It was a way of saying ‘you’re doing ok’. She confessed it was selfish. I don’t thinks it’s that terrible an admission.

I haven’t seen the interview where she said this or was it on her podcast?

I did watch the documentary though and don’t think she came across badly at all. I think most women would like to think, particularly in the case of Rebecca’s youngest child, Tia, that someone would take care of them if you were gone. I think the whole way Rio treated her is a different story and horrible if he was cheating on her while she was unwell 😔 I think Kate does her best though and I definitely couldn’t take on what she has

She was upset Rio hadn't got her a card, not the children. A nuance I know but an important one. She goes on to say she knows its selfish, I feel fair play to her for being honest. Yes it was her choice but going from being single to becoming part of a family with 3 children is a huge change, I imagine she did a lot to support the children and Rio during that time and perhaps thought it would have been nice to have that acknowledged, albeit agree mothers day is emotive.

She’s always been quite a sensitive women but I like her honesty and the documentary they done on blended families following bereavement. I think she loves those step kids and has been so candid about how she felt she had to gradually be accepted by the late wife’s family. Hats off to her.
And nice that’s she’s having a second child of her own. I think she documented the struggles of new motherhood too. I think she’s a wonderful person really and so good for Rio. He’s become a better man too, more open emotionally following his late wife’s early demise from cancer.

OP you are step mum bashing as you selected part of the quote to make it sound worse. She is now a step mother and whether she was married or not at the time she was in that role as their mother had died. I don’t enrol in the ‘you’re not married you’re not a step mum’ crap!

As a step mother who had an awful experience you don’t know what it’s like until you’ve lived it so give her a break!

I've listened to several podcasts with her and some interviews and I personally thought she came across really well, she was pretty young herself when she came into their lives, and she seemed to take on a lot of responsibility for them very quickly and coped surprisingly well. I think she talks about it to show that being a step-parent is hard work and emotionally challenging but also that you can all come out the other side in decent shape.

Obviously she would have got the token of appreciation from Rio not the kids. Being a step mum is a thankless task and it’s not wrong to want a small token of appreciation on Mother’s Day!

I'm going to stick up for Kate, which is unlikely me as I can't stand her normally.

But you haven't characterised what she said fairly.

Below is the extract of what she said:

I wasn't a biological mum. I think it was our first Mother's Day - maybe I'd been living here about six months, something like that. And although I wasn't a biological mum I kind of felt like I'd taken on the mum role. For me, going from living at home on my own to taking the kids to school, cooking them dinner, I felt like a mum.

"I really thought I might get a card from you, and I didn't get a card from you. I felt bad to express that in front of you because you guys had lost your mum, and the kids have lost their mum. So I just went in my room and I just sobbed my heart out - seriously.

"And then I felt selfish for wanting a card - 'how dare I want a card?' So anyone that's kind of new in this situation might feel like that because it's a weird one - 'I wasn't a biological parent so how could I expect that?'

I don’t enrol in the ‘you’re not married you’re not a step mum’ crap!

Nor do I- but she’d been living with them SIX MONTHS. She’d been with their Dad barely a year! Most people don’t introduce new partners to their kids (never mind kids who have lost their own mother) within that time, never mind get together, move in and be expecting Mother’s Day cards.

I think she documented the struggles of new motherhood too.

Indeed… didn’t she post a picture of her baby’s shitty nappy on Instagram for an #ad?

Being a step mum is a thankless task and it’s not wrong to want a small token of appreciation on Mother’s Day!

After six months?

This.

He's a shitty person.

They were living with her full time, she was providing parental care and support. Where does it say you have to be together ….. years to deserve a card? You’re very hung up on the six months part of it. Go and listen again to the whole thing before posting more biased rubbish.

They had been together for years at that point. I think she was upset because they had recently gone official. I dislike how they lie about their relationship. It is to protect his kids but when they are older, they will Google their dad and they wont believe him about this.

She is so up her own arse she can’t see the wood for the trees. Unbelievably self-absorbed, I don’t think she is genuine at all and would have preferred to be with Rio prior to him having his children. She clearly still sees Rebecca as a threat, pathetic. I feel so sorry for Rio’s older children, no doubt they take a back seat to her child and next baby. Rio is also to blame, Rebecca was not fame hungry yet this one can’t keep her trout pout shut.

I can completely see Kate’s point. Being a step-mum, particularly when you are the day to day ‘mother figure’ is a hard job and i can really hurt and feel thankless at times.

*it can really hurt

I saw her in that Kelsey Parker documentary offering her expert help on how to deal with bereaved kids. She looked totally cold and detached. Lights on but nobody's home.