Son & PRU
DrainedNFedUp · 16/03/2023 19:33
In desperate need of help and advice, I don’t really have anyone in real life I can speak to.
I am going to be as transparent as possible with this, there will be no drip feeding. So therefore it’s going to be quiet a long one.
I’m a single parent to my son who is age 13 years of age, I spilt with his father 9 years ago, because I wasn’t happy with his criminal activity, I am going to get into it now.
My sons father was jailed 2 years ago and he will not be coming home until my son is in his 20s.
He has been in prison a many times before, but charges have always been dismissed or he has gotten not guilty at trial, so his stays haven’t been long.
The majority of the time, I liaised with him and we both agreed to tell our son that he was “away” either working abroad or his native country. Which did work, because he would still provide the expensive clothes, gifts and money for days out and holidays etc from in prison.
The last two times, I refused to lie. I had had enough covering from him, and making out that he is a saint when he isn’t. DS finding out the truth did hurt him, but his father would always assure him that everything would be alright and that he would be home soon, and throw money at my son to make him feel better.
He promised my son that he would never go back to prison again, and my son believed him and that if he did, he would never speak to him and not want him to be his dad anymore.
So since he got convicted my sons behaviour has gone down hill. He has gone from that kind, humble (despite being spoilt rotten from his dad) caring and generous, to the complete opposite.
He has been permanently excluded from 3 schools, the first was his primary school. He was permanently excluded from his secondary school on the 6th week of him attending.
Fighting, bullying, being disrespectful to teachers, the last straw was him violently attacking a teacher. I managed to find him another school that would take him, three wouldn’t.
My son has always had the ability to make new friends and fit into friendship groups very easily, but I found out that at the second school, he was using money to buy friends. I was very disappointed in him, because I didn’t understand why he felt the need to do that. Before finding out from him that he just wanted to help them because their parents don’t have a lot of money.
Good few weeks, no complaints, I was beginning to think this was the start of him settling down.
Permanently excluded again, an attack on a student, teacher and damage to window.
He now attends a PRU, I am really not happy because the school is full of children with behavioural problems, so my child is not going to change.
There have been a few incidents just to name a few
- He went on a school trip, my child decided that he wanted to come home, I receive a phone call saying he has run away and that they’re trying to find him. I am sat at home frantic, school doesn’t allow children to bring in mobile phones, so no way off contacting him. Luckily he found his way home. Resulted in a 3 day exclusion
2. My son was rude to and used foul language towards a younger teaching assistant, reason behind this he made an appropriate comments towards me and asked my son if I was single. Which is totally unacceptable, when I raised this with the head teacher I was told that there was no one around at the time (so basically my son is a liar) my son wouldn’t lie about something like that. Resulted in a 2 day exclusion
3. Teacher wouldn’t let my son out of the classroom to use the toilet; so he climbed out of the window and urinated behind some bins in the playground (classroom was on the ground floor? I don’t agree with him doing this; but I believe he should have allowed to go. Resulted in a 3 day exclusion which I think it ridiculous and a very farfetched
My son threatened to bring a knife to school and kill a teaching assistant (he has admitted) his reason behind it, said teacher is always singling him out and saying that he will not be going on the school trip, he has complained to me about this previously, I told him to ignore the teacher and that I’ll take him.
This incident happened on Tuesday was called to collect him, but due to the school strikes, I’m yet to hear back from school.
AIBU is to just withdraw him from the PRU and home school him, because his behaviour is just going from bad to worst.
Thanks for taking the time out to read this, much appreciated.
Am I being unreasonable?AIBU
You have one vote. All votes are anonymous.
adriftinadenofvipers · 26/03/2023 20:24
DrainedNFedUp · 25/03/2023 09:37
I would leave him with my partner yes! It is not that I don’t trust my son to leave him alone, I like my son to be with me at all times, leaving him home alone will only cause me anxiety.
I spoke to my partner this morning and he has suggested that we all go out together, we are not doing that.
That is such an unhealthy dynamic. It's actually a little bit creepy if I am really honest. Your son needs to learn to grow into a man and your need to be with him at all times is frankly bizarre. Why wouldn't you go as a three either?
He's at age where normally teens would rather be with their peers and become embarrassed to be seen with his mummy...
If you did let him spend his own money then there is zero punishment at all.
And I don't give a damn what he claims the girl did or said (took him long enough to think that one up, didn't it). He had no business interfering or assaulting her and he owes her an apology. He should have spoken to someone in authority to deal with it.
He is so manipulating you - he's a master at it. You fall for it every single time.
ThatFraggle · 26/03/2023 20:27
I've worked with courts.
None of the family members attacked/killed by such a young man expected it.
"He violates society's rules but because of blood he'll never turn on me."
Also you said, "He would never lie to me about something like that." He clearly has no respect for you otherwise he wouldn't upset you by getting excluded repeatedly.
In 3 years you will have a violent, out of control young man at home, bringing his violent out of control friends around.
Go through this thread with a pen and paper. There is so much advice. Write all of it down. Write down all the charities and help you can get.
Then take action before it is too late.
adriftinadenofvipers · 26/03/2023 20:31
DrainedNFedUp · 25/03/2023 09:22
I believe my child; he does not lie or like to be lied to. I will clarify what he has told me with the school on Monday.
He didn’t say it wasn’t his fault, he said he did it because she was bullying and saying nasty things to a child with autism.
Yes he is a VERY intelligent boy, and NO he doesn’t crop up things in his head, I know my child, you DON’T. Very pathetic to think it has taken a few days to “crop this up in his head”
He didn’t tell me straight away because he was annoyed and didn’t want to speak or want anyone speaking to him.
I knew that something would have provoked him to behave the way he did, but it’s not justifiable.
People here really seem to think they know my child.
You clearly don't.
I'm fed up reading all the tripe about what a wonderful "boy" he is - when his actions reveal him to be anything but!! I'd be treating his every word with caution. If his mouth opens, he's lying.
onirgellep · 26/03/2023 20:33
Interestingly Google tells me that the average weight of a 13 yo boy is exactly
7 stone 1lb!
Average height is just over 5 feet
I remember the OP saying previously that son was very small for his age as a reason for police not being involved in previous assaultative episodes
Seems like a few things don't add up
SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 26/03/2023 20:47
You also made a second typo - you said he weighed 7.1lb - later corrected to 7stone1lb, @DrainedNFedUp. That is what people were trying to point out.
Have you looked at any of the books Amazon suggested for parenting teens that I linked to earlier?
adriftinadenofvipers · 26/03/2023 21:09
I know services are far from what they should be in the UK. I just find it incredible that so many opportunities to provide help to this boy have been missed?
Father goes to jail having repeatedly lied to his son with the collusion of his mother.
Son won't eat and loses a massive amount of weight.
Has suicidal thoughts.
Gets expelled from school 3 times.
Temporarily excluded god only knows how many times.
All this over the space of 2 years. Is the system really that broken?
@DrainedNFedUp and why, oh why, haven't you beaten fucking doors down to seek the help you and your son clearly need?
Are you having any help with your own mental health issues?
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