To think this is absolutely unacceptable?

[Marvwell]

When I was 16 and just coming up to my GCSE exams - or actually more or less in the middle of them - I remember being in the living room of our house - my dad was there too - it was in the daytime - weekday I think - and not a celebration of any kind - and my mum was absolutely hammered in a way that's embarrassing to everyone else if there's no obvious drinking context and everyone else is still sober. My dad was there and said upon witnessing this embarrassing behaviour - when you've got a good job like your mother, you're allowed to behave like that. Just for context my mum did have a high status senior management position.

AIBU to think my mum's behaviour was totally unacceptable when there's a child of 16 in the house and my Dad was totally unreasonable for enabling/trying to condone it?

Why are you asking? Are you still upset about this so many years later? What would you like to hear?

Why are people fixating on OP posting before? It's obviously something that has caused her trauma in her life. As I said earlier growing up with an alcoholic parent is crap and can be really traumatising.

OP, I think you’re getting a hard time. For your own reasons you are obviously needing to think about this now and process it. I think there are organisations that work with the family of alcoholics. Al Anon? Maybe contact them to see if there are any discussion groups/forums that might give you what you are looking for. If your mum had a drinking problem that would have been very destabilising

Of course your feelings are valid - it obviously upset you and made you feel insecure and unsettled at a time when you were trying to concentrate on your GCSE's (probably why this instance in particular is troubling you) and your parents should've been supportive.

Try to have some sympathy for your mum - she obviously had her reasons for doing it. I agree with the sentiment that they are dead now and you probably won't get the closure you need so it needs to come from within you to find the strength to forgive them. Therapy may help feel you need it and can afford it.

I had bad stuff happen in my childhood too so understand the dwelling on things later in life and feeling angry about it, but ultimately I let it go as it's futile and only succeeds in upsetting me and making me feel down.

Sorry for some of my obvious typos !!

YANBU, it's completely unacceptable. Sounds like your mum's drinking and dad's enabling created a very unsafe and unstable set of circumstances for you growing up. You will have been traumatised by that in complex ways.

People who had good, safe childhoods have no idea what it's like to have a childhood like yours. Are you getting any help or support? Counselling? Seeing a psychiatrist? It sounds like you are struggling a bit.

So when you were 16 your mum participated in some daytime drinking. She'd probably been out lunch time drinking with work/friends, I honestly don't understand your strange drama about this? Your mother wasn't sozzled and looking after a tiny baby, you were a teen and your dad was there.

She was sozzled - sorry it autocorrected to sizzled so I'll take sizzled as well!!

You should have put in your original post she was alcoholic and it was a common theme, you made it sound like she got drunk once and your dad laughed about it and you are still upset 17 years on. If you are struggling with issues from your childhood seek some therapy, you can't go back and change the past, it happened but you can change how you deal with your feelings related to it.

Get some therapy to work through your issues with your mother.

Yes she should be judged when she affected her children's lives. Can't understand responses like yours??

Of course its not acceptable. She sounds like an alcoholic. Your dad was probably embarrassed and unable to pursuade her to get help, because alcoholics won't get help until they are ready. Your dad was as helpless about the situation as you and said that to try to normalise her behaviour, as it was better than screaming at her about the behaviour. in other words don't make a fuss and you were less likely to notice the abnormality of the situation.

We all have a childhood story to tell. Your mother can't of been that much of a raving alcoholic other wise you would of started with this point in the first place.

Let it go OP it's ridiculous.

You've posted about this before... very similar story in that your mother was very drunk one day in the middle of the day when you were a teenager and even though it was just one day it appears to have scarred you for life...

Maybe there was another reason neither of them wanted you to know about

OP maybe you should get this thread deleted and potentially make another one (I’d state that you have posted before but it got a little confusing otherwise you’ll get the same people going ‘haven’t you posted before?’) and state that your mum was an alcoholic and you have memories that you’re struggling with. But I’m it sure this is is the place to seek support.
You need to get some proper support, clearly your mum has issues and if it’s still bothering you now then you need to get some counselling to help you through. I’m sorry that you’re struggling, it must be tough.

Read the thread properly before posting sanctimonious stuff eh

Your OP is odd but it seems as though what you're really saying is that you think your DM was an alcoholic and your DF enabled it, and you're struggling to come to terms with the fact neither of them prioritised you.

It might be worth speaking to Al-Anon. They support families of alcoholics even if the relationships were in the past.

It also might be beneficial to speak to any other adults who were in your life then if you're still in contact with them eg extended family members, friends of your parents. They might be able to fill in some of the blanks in your memories and provide more context. The initial description in your OP isn't that shocking. That doesn't mean it wasn't unsettling for you but it may be that incident coincided with you growing up, starting to question your parents, etc, and that has given it more significance than it actually merited. Others who shared your experiences might be able to give a wider perspective on what was going on with your parents and the drinking. Social mores around drinking have definitely changed in the last twenty years.

Clearly it’s not ideal, but sounds like she had some alcohol issues if it wasn’t a one off. You seem to be carrying around a lot of baggage about this, perhaps you need to speak to someone about it.

If it had been a one off, no big deal, but seems like you’re now saying it was regular?

Im wondering why this is such a big deal to you so long after the event?

This

I had thanks, just pointing out what quite a few posters have already, including linking the previous post. This post has been reported so that MNHQ can have a look. If it is genuine then clearly the OP has a lot of issues that no one on here is going to be able to fix. Posting a number of differing threads on it which make her look not genuine isn't going to help her as it just creates a pile on. Thanks for singling me out though!

Why point out what loads of others have already pointed out? Just kicking someone when they’re down for the sake of it or to make yourself feel superior.

Maybe next time be constructive and supportive instead of just rude?

Ive not read your whole thread but if you were affected by your mothers drinking then it may be a good idea to get support with coming to terms with your past. Al-anon is free but it has a spritul element. Psychothreapy is useful for childhood trauma however its inlikely that youll get it on the nhs.

I remember a poster posting something incredibly familiar, with also the same ambiguity around whether it was a one off or not, and then update to say it definitely wasn't a one off.

I think in that OP the OP was 12 at the time and their mum was hammered when she got home from school in the summer.

OP if you're the same poster, you know alcohol abuse is not normal or acceptable. I think you're struggling to process your parents' neglect and enabling of that neglect, and your understandable resentment. I really think you'd benefit from some counselling