Aibu to not let baby see MIL on mothers day?

[Sugargliderwombat]

So my mum is 2 hours away, MIL 5 mins.

Baby is a few months old and does NOT sleep in the car, we've tried for up to 50 minutes, it does not happen. When she's tired he screams and screams, if well rested she happily looks out of the window and coos.

She also does not nap for more than 20 minutes in the pram.

I'm seeing my mum on mothers day and EBF so taking the baby. I'll have get her to nap on me in the morning (so it's a good one) then leave straight away to get to a town 45 minutes away where my mum will meet me. We've got lunch then a walk around where she will hopefully nap and I can drive home, stopping to feed / calm along the way.

OH has since said he wants to take the baby to his mums in the morning, so she will miss her morning nap and mess up the whole plan for the day, because she will be overtired, cry the whole way there and so be too stressed to sleep in the pram.

I've said no (nicely) as its mothers day and so she doesnt need to be there, just him. He thinks im being unreasonable, am I?

I voted YANBU on the basis that if she lives 5 mins away, she probably gets to see the baby far more often than your mother does.

Suggest to him that he takes the baby to her in the evening, when you are back from seeing your Mum.

Tell him no, not the morning as you already have planned around her naps, but he could take the baby to MiL, or MiL can come to you later on in the day/evening.

It's Mother's Day, your's and your Mum's day. Your DH gets to see his Mum. The baby is young and EBF, so unfortunately (for your DH) she has to stay with you and follow your plan.

TBH this all sounds a bit regimented. If it’s really that essential to have the nap at a defined time can’t the baby see your MIL either before or after it (I assume the morning nap is no longer than an hour). I don’t really believe that Mother’s Day is more special than any other day but it might look to your DH and MIL that you’re bending over backwards to your own family but not letting your DH to do it for his.

As an alternative couldn’t both mums visit you and the baby, either to your house or a cafe nearby.

I voted yabu because if she's 5 mins away a visit in the morning should be do able around her nap.

It's Mother's Day, not MIL day. You get to see your Mum and you need to take baby as EBF. Your DH can take her to see his Mum later in the day if he's up for it. But don't let him disrupt your plans.

If your mil is 5mins away she surely sees you and your baby more than your mum does. Is there a back story about your DH and his family thinking time with baby should be "fair"? I can't think why else he would want to risk ruining your mother's day plans with your own mum.

(My baby is 5 months old and I appreciate that naps are sacred. )

Well it’s his child too…. Presumably. Why are you in a position to veto anything?

Why couldn't she come to you in the evening and have a glass of wine and nibbles before the baby is settled

Because I have the boobs and its mother's day so I want to see my mum 😆

It's Mother's Day, not MIL day.

You are going to shit a brick when you realise what the M in MIL stands for...

OP, he's not being unreasonable to want to see his mum on Mother's Day or to want to take her grandchild along too. Why don't you suggest he goes in the afternoon when you get back then everyone is happy.

I'll suggest this, good idea !

I think that at this early stage planning two things is just too much so you are right to prioritize your Mum for Mother’s Day. Your MiL lives close so can pop to yours any other day.

Is there any particular reason that she wants to see baby on Mother’s Day? Can’t she enjoy a day with her own son for a change?

Thanks everyone in our annoyance neither of us saw the blindingly obvious option to go later In the day 😆🤣

MILs are not under any circumstances allowed to see their grandchildren on Mother’s Day.

This is Mumsnet law.

Nice isn’t it?

YABU, it's his mum and his baby too, stop being so selfish looking for problems purposely.

Another thread where posters don't seem to understand that it's Mother's Day.

The baby is spending the day with its Mother, the OP, and the OP is spending the day with her Mother. The OPs DH is spending it with his Mother.

Not MIL day or Grandmother day, just Mother's day where us Mothers get to decide what happens and what we want for once.

This made me chuckle. 😆😆😆You've not met my baby.

Im not sure why so many think YABU.
I have nothing against MILs but it is Mother's Day. Everyone in your scenario is spending the day with THEIR mother.

It's a tightrope walk to make a car journey with a months old baby and having spent many an hour in a layby I wouldn't think you were unreasonable if you were spending the morning making sacrifices to the nap gods.

I'm glad you've found a solution by making it later in the day.

Sounds like you have found the solution. As a mil myself I expected my dils to see their mums.it's a daft day anyway

You're going for a great solution.
Mothers day,imho,isn't daft,it's a time to make happy memories and to remember with love,happy mothers days that have gone by.and to give thanks for the brilliant mum's we had.🌈💐🌻

Wait until you hear what the M in MIL stands for. It's gonna blow your mind.

I've said no (nicely) as its mothers day and so she doesnt need to be there, just him. He thinks im being unreasonable, am I?

Quite a selfish outlook. Your mum doesn’t need to see the baby either but you’ve no issue with that.

The fact is him popping over to his mums with the baby does not negatively impact your day at all. It doesn’t stop you from seeing your mum and going for lunch or the walk.
It’s just unnecessarily petty, never mind the fact that you seem to think the child is yours alone and your say is final.

YANBU - your baby is spending the day with her mum - you are spending the day with your mum, DH is spending the day with his mum. It isn't 'grandmother's day'.

But it sounds like you have found a solution for her to come over later so... all good.