About this man shouting at DM to smile

[sittingonacornflake]

Ugh.

What would you have said in this scenario?

Walking along a bridge today with DM and a man walking in the opposite direction had a dog on a long lead who got tangled up in DM's leg. Bit of a non incident and we carried on walking once untangled but the man shouted back 'smile love' which just filled me with rage and I had no good come back

Dear Mumsnet, please, what should I have said to him? So enraged that he shouted at DM like that!!

As I've already said in a previous post, I am most definitely a woman.

@Mistymoonsinastarrysky I'm so sorry you went through that. How awful.

Do you patrol the streets ordering men you don’t know to smile for you, out of interest?

It was 35 years ago and I can recall every minute of that awful time.

The 'why?' response was the best I could think of on one occasion, but on reflection (and the comments above) it's as good as any.

One who caught me in a particularly bad mood got 'you first, face-ache'. Not a particularly mature or witty riposte, but it made me feel better at the time.

'Fuck off' is tempting but that's exactly the kind of response these arseholes are looking for. They will know they've pissed you off and therefore will have achieved the desired effect. Plus it takes very little for this type of man to turn nasty.

The random man ones are good - even though I'd baulk at thanking these twats - appropriately dismissive without necessarily inviting an aggressive response.

I'm laughing at the religious Jesus stickers and a response comes to mind from an old bumper sticker that once made me smile: 'Jesus loves you. Everyone else thinks you're an arsehole'.

QED.

Yes!!! Fucking love this! Absolutely nothing is more worthy than a flippant death threat than upsetting our mums!
I've never felt so seen as I have in this thread 🤣🤣

😂Of course I don't patrol the street ordering random men, or women, who I don't know to smile for me. But that wasn't quite the case here. I can imagine circumstances when I might well pass a comment to someone (man or woman) if I'd interacted with them in some way, and they had appeared particularly grumpy, for example. You don't know any more than I do how the OP's mother reacted when she got tangled in the dog's lead, her facial expression, or whether any words were exchanged because the OP didn't choose to share that information. For all we know, the woman may have had a cross expression, made a comment to the man, he may or may not have apologised for his dog etc, and I fail to understand why a throwaway remark like this is such a major issue and why people are so sensitive nowadays.

But as I've already said twice, if the comment was actually shouted, rather than the man just calling back over his shoulder, then that is different.

Ha! The inevitable admonition to be a 'nice', well-behaved and do as the good [random] man says.

And in the very first few posts, too.

Next it will be mutterings about difficult women and complaints that we are all 'man-haters'. In 3, 2, 1 .....

Read the title of the thread. It's not like the op hid the information that he shouted

For all we know, the woman may have had a cross expression.

Monster! How dare she?

I know. Crazy. I’m entitled to wear whatever expression I like, it’s my face. It just so happens that bitchy resting is my default.

@Growlybear83 Do you go around giving random strangers directions? If so, please know that it’s still extremely annoying.

No I don't, and I don't really see how that is relevant? 😆

Of course you are. I often have a grumpy expression too. But if someone I come into contact with tells me to smile or cheer up, I wouldn't be affronted by that.

At that point I would’ve got my knife out & said “Let me at him, I’ll give this cunt the biggest smile ever”. Mom wouldn’t been holding me back for effect.

So what if she was grumpy, since when did that need strangers to police? She’s a human, she’s allowed to be grumpy or irritated if she wants. How often have you instructed random men to smile for you when they’ve looked grumpy?

Its not the fact that it’s a big issues, it’s the fact that it’s irritating, you know, like you and these men seem to find women not grinning like maniacs, irritating to the point you feel the need to correct them and remind them to smile for you.

My view has nothing to do with it being a man who made the comment. I have never said anything to a random man or woman in passing, but this wasn't that situation because there had already been an interaction of some kind between the OP's mother and the man. In that situation, then yes, I have passed comments to people. Is this only an issue because a man made the comment or would people be similarly irritated if a woman had said this?

Even if - as happened to me - your mum had died the previous day? Really?

Ahh now I get it, you want to pretend this isn’t a thing that men in particular, say to women in particular.

I'd be equally contemptuous if a woman said similar.

Actually, something quite similar did happen to me last summer, a few days after my Mum had died. Of course I was upset, but the person who commented wasn't to know.

Then they shouldn’t have said it, should they? Jesus wept.

But they didn't know.

I give up.

There's one of these on every thread 😂