About this man shouting at DM to smile

[sittingonacornflake]

Ugh.

What would you have said in this scenario?

Walking along a bridge today with DM and a man walking in the opposite direction had a dog on a long lead who got tangled up in DM's leg. Bit of a non incident and we carried on walking once untangled but the man shouted back 'smile love' which just filled me with rage and I had no good come back

Dear Mumsnet, please, what should I have said to him? So enraged that he shouted at DM like that!!

Because it is a man impingeing on women and demanding that women rearrange their faces and their reactions in order to please him.

If they do not do so then he tends to respond aggressively. 'Smile love' is aggressive. It is demanding that women behave like performing monkeys at his beck and call and at his instruction.

It's always men shouting at women, never at other men, or women at men. Always men telling women they don't know to smile. I save my smiles for people I actually like so get this quite a lot. Grinds my gears

Brilliant!

They are like something nasty on my shoe on a hot day. I ignore them.

Eh? Why should they.

'Masturbate less & exercise more, love' worked for my 70 something mum last time I saw some Random Man tell her to smile more.

I was 😦😁🤣.

He scuttled off. Mum very primly said 'well, I'm sorry dear, but HOW RUDE of him.'

Her dgds were very impressed. 'Be more Grandma' is now a thing.

Depending on how I am feeling,

1. Ignore
2. Stop being a twat
3. Thanks for your input random man (and now I know there are cards, I will be buying them)
4. No

These are also based on other things, such a locations, how far away said man is and whether he looks like he would get violent (this I always assume yes)

No response is the best but drives them nuts

I would have told them to shove their dingdong up their wazoo in my head

no idea what that means but sounds unpleasant

What the fuck gives a random man the right to basically call OPs mother miserable and dictate what facial expression she should be wearing?

Are you a bloke?

Or a woman who thinks it's all women's role to arrange their face for every man who tells them too?

Omg your mum is my new hero!

I’d always be tempted to reply ‘when I see a handsome man I will’, but in practice I wouldn’t say this because you just don’t know how aggressive a strange man is going to get and it’s just not worth the risk.

Went on a training course recently and the male presenter (to the mainly female audience) told us that his key message was “cheer up and tell your face” then proceeded to lecture us on the subject. I left annoyed, but most folk thought he was great.

Some great responses here - I (mostly) tend to go with the ignore
BUT
an alternative in this situation could be 'smile at a man who can't even control his own dog' hah!
^^

No, I'm not a man, and no, I don't think it's 'a woman's role to arrange their face for every man who tells them to' whatever that means. I just don't understand why a comment like this is something to get worked up by, unless the man was being threatening in the way he said it.

If you're a woman I'm astounded you don't find this irritating.

I heard it at least once a week from twats from about 15-30 years old. I've never felt the need to say it.

Women aren't for decoration or emotional support for every Tom, Dick or Happy waking around.

If I'm happy, I'll smile. Being told what to do with my face doesn't make me happy.

But you have made it clear you do think it is a womans' role to rearrange her face because a man tells her to. By asking; 'where is the harm?' you are saying that you think it is the OPs mothers job to smile when a man tells her to. No matter what is going on with the woman involved, Or not. I claim my right to walk down the street without being told by some random mediocre man to change my persona upon his instruction.

Try it yourself- tomorrow. Go about your daily life and tell the men you see at the bank, or at the car wash or at the coffee shop to 'smile love'.

See if you think that's okay.

If you are indeed a woman then I think you have been brought up to appease men. Appease and please those around you. And you don't even recognise it.

@CorvusPurpureus your mum is my hero.

@Growlybear83 I thought I said in my OP, and sorry if I didn't, but this man shouted it at my DM. Shouted it.

@MustardChair you so eloquently articulated the swirling thoughts in my head that I just can't seem to say. Thank you!

"Fuck off, mate."

I can assure you that I am a woman, and I wasn't brought up to appease or not appease men, or women. But I have learnt not to get uptight about ridiculous and insignificant remarks that really don't matter to me or anyone I know in real life.

However, I've just seen the OP's reply and if the comment was really shouted, rather than just being a passing remark at normal volume, then I think that's less acceptable.

then I think that's less acceptable.

But not totally unacceptable?

And the man had tangled the mum up because his dog was properly under his control as well. So why would she be smiling?

If a stranger walked up to you and told you to do a little dance for him, would you think “ooh what’s the harm?” and do it?

Or would you think “I’m trying to get to Tesco before it shuts, get out of my way and stop wasting my time”.

I find random men walking up to me when I am minding my own business, or talking to my friends, and insist that I stop what I’m doing, pay attention to them instead, and smile at them, quite irritating. Bit surprised that you don’t, honestly.

😂😂😂. Only on Mumsnet! No of course I wouldn't, but I wouldn't be offended and start a thread on a forum to express my outrage. I would find it a bit odd if someone asked me to do a dance for them 😆

Excellent! 🤣

OMG I'm using this!