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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

About this man shouting at DM to smile

158 replies

sittingonacornflake · 14/03/2023 18:43

Ugh.

What would you have said in this scenario?

Walking along a bridge today with DM and a man walking in the opposite direction had a dog on a long lead who got tangled up in DM's leg. Bit of a non incident and we carried on walking once untangled but the man shouted back 'smile love' which just filled me with rage and I had no good come back

Dear Mumsnet, please, what should I have said to him? So enraged that he shouted at DM like that!!

OP posts:
Excited101 · 14/03/2023 22:55

i had this the other day in a lift, in a hospital! I smiled on reflex then hated myself! I was busy concentrating- having just had an internal ultrasound where they diagnosed me with a fibroid and discussed its removal. I was thinking about it all, its implication, my choices about it all etc. Nothing major, no- but in a hospital, surely that’s the worst place ever to make stupid comments like that.

Maverickess · 14/03/2023 22:57

"This is me smiling" while staring them straight in the eye with no expression.

I once rolled my eyes at a guy who said it in a bus queue - and he then demanded to know "Who the fuck" I was rolling my eyes at and squared up to me, granted he backed down when I stepped towards him and slunk off muttering what a cunt I was. Not a nice experience and I only did it because he was shorter than me and there were people around, and I may have had a really shit day smiling at arseholes who treated me like shit all day and I just wasn't in the mood. Not a great move though, you never know who you're dealing with.

Redebs · 14/03/2023 23:00

It's actually quite intimidating.
When I was younger I stopped going out of the house due to unwanted comments and men flirting.

I would love to swear, but would probably be overheard by someone who knows me, so nowadays I just say "idiot" and snarl.

user1471462634 · 14/03/2023 23:01

"If you were anything to look at I'd be fucking beaming!"

UWhatNow · 14/03/2023 23:01

Justalittlebitduckling · 14/03/2023 22:40

“Sorry love, she only smiles at men she fancies.”

Calling him ‘love’ and bantering with him? You’ve clearly missed the point.

Amispringy · 14/03/2023 23:01

Growlybear83 · 14/03/2023 20:30

What's wrong with the man saying that if your mum or you weren't smiling? I'm genuinely always baffled by these type of threads.

You genuinely don't see the issue??

TyneTeas · 14/03/2023 23:05

This on being told to smile is often posted on threads like this and is one of my favourite things

namechangetheworld · 14/03/2023 23:08

Sorry to burst some bubbles but no man is going to feel 'chastened' and re-evaluate his entire attitude towards women by a Mumsnetter giving them a cringeworthy witty comeback. Best case scenario he'll laugh at you, worst case he will square up to you. Just rise above the dickhead and ignore.

HarryBlaster · 14/03/2023 23:09

How about you fuck off you knobhead!!!

LadyWindermeresOnlyFans · 14/03/2023 23:10

@PorpoiseWithPurpose I don't know why but this has really made me laugh Grin

Fernticket · 14/03/2023 23:12

CorvusPurpureus · 14/03/2023 20:43

'Masturbate less & exercise more, love' worked for my 70 something mum last time I saw some Random Man tell her to smile more.

I was 😦😁🤣.

He scuttled off. Mum very primly said 'well, I'm sorry dear, but HOW RUDE of him.'

Her dgds were very impressed. 'Be more Grandma' is now a thing.

I love this. Your Mum rocks.

Btjdkfnn · 14/03/2023 23:15

Ignore

What a twat

LadyWindermeresOnlyFans · 14/03/2023 23:16

@namechangetheworld You're right, he probably wouldn't care and i wouldn't use most of these responses myself because they're not very 'me', but it's not just about what he thinks of himself, it's about somehow taking a little bit of control of a situation not of your making, standing up for yourself in the moment. It can feel a little bit empowering to tell a dickhead to fuck off, can't it, sometimes? Or maybe I'm easily pleased Grin

SwingandaPrayer · 14/03/2023 23:17

namechangetheworld · 14/03/2023 23:08

Sorry to burst some bubbles but no man is going to feel 'chastened' and re-evaluate his entire attitude towards women by a Mumsnetter giving them a cringeworthy witty comeback. Best case scenario he'll laugh at you, worst case he will square up to you. Just rise above the dickhead and ignore.

I've got to agree with you here. Sadly it's most likely to then engage them in a heated exchange which could end up god-knows where. I hate to let things like this go, but any random with an attitude like this is not going to bothered one bit if youre bothered.

AliceOlive · 14/03/2023 23:20

How about “I was just going to tell you the same!!”

Ionlydrinkondaysendinginy · 14/03/2023 23:35

Why is it always men who say this stuff. I remember once rushing home minutes after receiving the worst news of my life and a bloke shouted across the street smile love it might never happen. I absolutely lost my 💩 I can guarantee he will never ever say that to a stranger again

HedgehogB · 14/03/2023 23:43

Justforlaffs · 14/03/2023 20:22

“Oh god, what’s that on your back”!? Along with a shocked look on your face.

Then walk off.

This made me laugh out loud

IreallyLikeCrisps · 14/03/2023 23:46

NannyGythaOgg · 14/03/2023 20:56

Some great responses here - I (mostly) tend to go with the ignore
BUT
an alternative in this situation could be 'smile at a man who can't even control his own dog' hah!
^^

Or...

'Smile? What are you on about? I'm already laughing to myself about the random bloke that can't control his own dog!'

I always think of these things a few minutes after the moment has passed, though! FFS!

IreallyLikeCrisps · 14/03/2023 23:50

Growlybear83 · 14/03/2023 21:41

😂😂😂. Only on Mumsnet! No of course I wouldn't, but I wouldn't be offended and start a thread on a forum to express my outrage. I would find it a bit odd if someone asked me to do a dance for them 😆

Don't you think it's weird, that a stranger is asking another stranger to smile at them, though? Even if it wasn't shouted... why would one person ask another person to smile? Is that not a little bit strange?

IreallyLikeCrisps · 14/03/2023 23:56

Growlybear83 · 14/03/2023 22:11

Goodvibeshere - I'm not saying I'd necessarily smile because someone told me to, but I wouldn't be affronted by someone saying that. In this particular situation, there was clearly an interaction between the OP's mum and the man when she got tangled in the dog's lead, so rather than getting irritated by the man's remark, it would make me think about my own reaction and whether I had a face like a smacked arse. But as Ive already said already, if the man shouted, then that's different.

In that situation, why shouldn't she have a grumpy face? I'm a dog owner and I find it annoying when people can't control their dogs. Generally, I do smile about it when owners are apologetic. But not everyone is a dog person, some people are even afraid/wary/allergic of/to dogs, or they might just be in a hurry. So she would be completely justified in looking a bit pissed off, and the owner should be grateful that she didn't tell him to control his dog, or something less polite!

IreallyLikeCrisps · 14/03/2023 23:58

Growlybear83 · 14/03/2023 22:15

It might make some women fucked off, but by no means all. Some women find it offensive but many many more don't.

I don't find it offensive but just really weird. I can't imagine telling someone to smile. Unless it was a friend or family member and I was joking about with them.

IreallyLikeCrisps · 14/03/2023 23:58

UWhatNow · 14/03/2023 22:22

‘Why don’t you fuck off telling women what to do when you can’t even walk a dog competently. TWAT.’

Love this!

IreallyLikeCrisps · 15/03/2023 00:04

AliceOlive · 14/03/2023 23:20

How about “I was just going to tell you the same!!”

I like this one!!

custardbear · 15/03/2023 00:17

I think you did the right thing and just grey stone people like that - but essentially he's a prick. Perhaps next time a 'pardon you for being such a prick but not everyone brushes off twattish behaviours

Fraaahnces · 15/03/2023 01:26
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You and your DD next time…?

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