Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

About this man shouting at DM to smile

158 replies

sittingonacornflake · 14/03/2023 18:43

Ugh.

What would you have said in this scenario?

Walking along a bridge today with DM and a man walking in the opposite direction had a dog on a long lead who got tangled up in DM's leg. Bit of a non incident and we carried on walking once untangled but the man shouted back 'smile love' which just filled me with rage and I had no good come back

Dear Mumsnet, please, what should I have said to him? So enraged that he shouted at DM like that!!

OP posts:
Zerogive · 15/03/2023 01:50

TyneTeas · 14/03/2023 23:05

This on being told to smile is often posted on threads like this and is one of my favourite things

That really made me laugh Grin

MinnieMountain · 15/03/2023 06:01

This rarely happens to me and I have a theory that it’s because I’m tall.
I go with “why?” when it does. Normally results in incomprehensible mumbling.

LemonPeonies · 15/03/2023 06:41

This annoys me too. Years ago while shopping with exDH I had a stinking cold and a random man shouted "smile love" at me. I gave him a filthy puzzled look and my ex said something like "well you do look miserable ". Bastards the lot of em! 😡😅

Plingston · 15/03/2023 06:41

Making them feel awkward in a non-confrontational way (less chance of retaliation) is something I've done with men in the past. Not this exact scenario but others where random men decide to make stupid comments.

So first you can pretend you didn't hear them a few times, which takes the wind our of their sails. You know how awkward it is when you make a light hearted or funny remark in conversation but the other person doesn't hear you so you have to repeat it but you feel like a bit of an idiot and it suddenly seems a lot less funny? It's that sort of thing. If they keep repeating it and aren't fazed by the awkwardness, I usually look confused and ask what they mean. Keep doing that, or asking why. Question every single response they give you, as though you're finding this exchange very strange and confusing. It's quite uncomfortable and embarrassing for them without you needing to resort to anger or having a witty remark. And they are never quite sure whether you are being serious or not so it's far less likely to lead to aggression than being hostile.

NeedToChangeName · 15/03/2023 07:50

nocoolnamesleft · 14/03/2023 22:45

Once, years ago, I got this from a male nurse at work. He said "Cheer up, who died?" and I, accurately, replied "My grandad, last night"...the really galling thing was that the sister in charge told me I should apologise for upsetting him.

@nocoolnamesleft that's shocking.

Learningtoacceptmyself · 15/03/2023 08:11

You could say "sorry" in a "I didn't hear way" so he has to repeat it, then say it again. If he repeats it again look confused/disappointed and sigh "oh" then go about your business.

LadyWindermeresOnlyFans · 15/03/2023 08:44

@Learningtoacceptmyself I actually like this one. Perhaps accompanied by a Mumsnet head tilt?

Anniegetyourgun · 15/03/2023 08:58

"If you knew what I know you wouldn't be smiling either."

PorpoiseWithPurpose · 15/03/2023 09:45

GretaGip · 14/03/2023 20:09

"I'm so sorry, I have no spare change."

Confuses the fuck out of them.

Brilliant.

Lwrenagain · 15/03/2023 10:02

A man shouted at my mum to smile in B&M once, he was really vile. Genuinely shouted at her. 🤬🤬🤬

Now, I'm quite a relaxed, generally pleasant human, so this next few minutes was a bit of surprise to anyone who knows me.

I am delighted to inform you that I on that day became nothing short of "full psychopath" and I handed my newborn in pram to poor shaken DM, ran at disgusting man and offered him a fight outside.
He ran outside, I presumed to fight me, however he continued to run.
I yelled some unhinged insults, calling him a "gobby shitehouse", and he shouted back I was a "crazy fat bitch".
DM wasn't too impressed with me. ("WHAT IF HE WOULD HAVE HAD A KNIFE, LWREN?!")
The security guard at B&M told me I'd livened up his day. Swings and roundabouts?

Ignoring these vapid little arseholes is always best though, they're not worthy the energy. But sometimes just remember, they say something to a sleep deprived lunatic of a new mama bear and get chased 🤣

LadyWindermeresOnlyFans · 15/03/2023 10:07

@Lwrenagain I refer to those periods of my life as my Mummy Hulk phases, during which no fucks are given (but they probably really should be, for everyone's benefit!) Grin

CluelessInThe21st · 15/03/2023 10:09

GretaGip · 14/03/2023 20:09

"I'm so sorry, I have no spare change."

Confuses the fuck out of them.

Omg I love this so much. I fortunately very rarely come across strangers being rude to me but maybe I can try it the next time someone tells my daughter something stupid or when someone's dog jumps on her and they get mean about her being scared.

Lwrenagain · 15/03/2023 10:19

@LadyWindermeresOnlyFans mummy hulk! Yes!!! Exactly that!

For some reason you have this feeling you're able to kill a tiger with bare hands, should you need to, (happens less than we prepare for,) so some mouthpiece in a lacoste cap is the least of your dramas! 🤣🤣

LadyWindermeresOnlyFans · 15/03/2023 10:30

@Lwrenagain I think I'd cross the road to avoid me these days 😄

GotABeatForYouMama · 15/03/2023 10:41

I had this when I was working with a deaf lady (I was her support worker). She had the "give us a smile" comment by a man. When he got no response he repeated it louder which turned a few heads (we were in a local park). Again he got no response so said "for fuck's sake love, crack a smile", at which point I said ever so sweetly , "do you want me to teach you how to say that in BSL as that's the only way she will understand you, or do you want to save what dignity you have left and bugger off?" We passed him a bit later and as we did so, the lady I was with signed the word "arsehole" at him, so he got a smile from her in the end but it was on her terms.

Lwrenagain · 15/03/2023 10:54

GotABeatForYouMama · 15/03/2023 10:41

I had this when I was working with a deaf lady (I was her support worker). She had the "give us a smile" comment by a man. When he got no response he repeated it louder which turned a few heads (we were in a local park). Again he got no response so said "for fuck's sake love, crack a smile", at which point I said ever so sweetly , "do you want me to teach you how to say that in BSL as that's the only way she will understand you, or do you want to save what dignity you have left and bugger off?" We passed him a bit later and as we did so, the lady I was with signed the word "arsehole" at him, so he got a smile from her in the end but it was on her terms.

Fucking beautiful 💅💅💅

furryfrontbottom · 15/03/2023 11:23

Growlybear83 · 14/03/2023 22:11

Goodvibeshere - I'm not saying I'd necessarily smile because someone told me to, but I wouldn't be affronted by someone saying that. In this particular situation, there was clearly an interaction between the OP's mum and the man when she got tangled in the dog's lead, so rather than getting irritated by the man's remark, it would make me think about my own reaction and whether I had a face like a smacked arse. But as Ive already said already, if the man shouted, then that's different.

So it's fine to be intrusive, patronising and downright rude provided that you don't raise your voice? Good to know.

BellatrixLestrangesHeatedCurlers · 15/03/2023 11:37

Velociraptor noise (like a screech but the noise is whilst you inhale rather than exhale). Sometimes you get a nervous laugh, other times you get to see fear and confusion in their eyes.

BellatrixLestrangesHeatedCurlers · 15/03/2023 11:42

Ahh @Lwrenagain I have had similar. the only time I've ever been physically violent to someone was when a man intimidated my mum and threatened to hit her. Apparently I promised to "put him in the ground" and told him to "fuck yourself with your tiny sauage dick". Not proud but he fucked off, muttering that I was crazy, and left my mum alone. I genuinely think I could have killed him if he'd laid a finger on her.

AliceOlive · 15/03/2023 11:51

BellatrixLestrangesHeatedCurlers · 15/03/2023 11:42

Ahh @Lwrenagain I have had similar. the only time I've ever been physically violent to someone was when a man intimidated my mum and threatened to hit her. Apparently I promised to "put him in the ground" and told him to "fuck yourself with your tiny sauage dick". Not proud but he fucked off, muttering that I was crazy, and left my mum alone. I genuinely think I could have killed him if he'd laid a finger on her.

You are awesome!! Sounds like he had it coming.

Naunet · 15/03/2023 12:29

Growlybear83 · 14/03/2023 20:30

What's wrong with the man saying that if your mum or you weren't smiling? I'm genuinely always baffled by these type of threads.

You don’t understand what’s wrong with random men instructing women to perform for them with a smile on demand? Did you just come from Gilead?

ChestnutGrove · 15/03/2023 12:37

Growlybear83 · 14/03/2023 20:30

What's wrong with the man saying that if your mum or you weren't smiling? I'm genuinely always baffled by these type of threads.

What a weird post!. Why should women be expected to smile sweetly when ordered to by a man, when he'd never have demanded this of a man.

LadyWindermeresOnlyFans · 15/03/2023 12:37

@BellatrixLestrangesHeatedCurlers have my first ever "are you me??" 🤣

ChestnutGrove · 15/03/2023 12:39

Naunet · 15/03/2023 12:29

You don’t understand what’s wrong with random men instructing women to perform for them with a smile on demand? Did you just come from Gilead?

Show quote history

Yes. Or maybe they're a man who orders women to smile and doesn't like it being pointed out what a dick they are.

Mistymoonsinastarrysky · 15/03/2023 12:43

I had a woman say this to me in the Co-Op where I was getting a few bits. It was early morning, I had spent the previous night sitting with my dying friend and supporting her DH and 3 young children. I had gone to grab some bits for the girls’ breakfast.
My friend died 2 hours after I got back.
I just wished I had the energy to say something, anything, but I didn’t.