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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To suddenly find this very unattractive

528 replies

Besswess88 · 13/03/2023 19:39

Am dating this guy.

Early days.

I offered to cook for him.

Asked him, is there anything you don’t eat.

Only veg he eats are peas and sweetcorn and tomatoes if they are in a sauce.

Wtaf? And no he’s not 5 he’s in his 40s

OP posts:
WilsonMilson · 13/03/2023 21:10

God no, bin him immediately. I find fussy adults tiresome, and adults who don’t eat fruit or veg are just overgrown babies. Fair enough if you have an allergy or intolerance, but apart from that I cannot be doing with it. So unattractive.
Personal preference, but I would never be with a vegetation or vegan either as I love to cook and love meat.

adriftindenofvipers · 13/03/2023 21:11

Mirabai · 13/03/2023 20:56

Sorry, but people who don’t eat vegetables give me the ick. Just some vegetarians don’t want to date a meat eater.

Show quote history

To be fair, I probably wouldn't want to date you either lol!!

MulletAndMustache · 13/03/2023 21:12

QueenCamilla · 13/03/2023 21:04

So many people with issues around food have some sort of trauma in their past or are neurodiverse, and it shows a very unpleasant and ignorant side of those people that are making some of these comments.

I wouldn't be a suitable partner to someone with psychological trauma or neurodiversity. Just as I couldn't date a fussy eater, someone in debt, a smoker, a vegan, someone with small children... What is ignorant or unpleasant about that?

Some of those that are sniggering at it or saying its immature.

I’ve said multiple times that you can not date anyone for any reason. But laughing and saying it’s childish is unpleasant when it’s so often linked to trauma and ND.

There’s nothing immature about my daughter, but she does have some restricted eating and other issues with food due to autism. She’s intelligent, fun, kind and importantly, she’s not a judgemental twat who laughs at people for any preferences they may have.

Growlybear83 · 13/03/2023 21:13

I can't imagine being put off by someone's food likes and dislikes. I hate plain food but also hate most vegetables but it's never been an issue - I just cook vegetables for my husband and anyone else I'm cooking for, but usually leave vegetables off my plate.

FatimaHatima · 13/03/2023 21:14

So many people with issues around food have some sort of trauma in their past or are neurodiverse, and it shows a very unpleasant and ignorant side of those people that are making some of these comments

And plenty of people who are ND and/or have trauma in their past have no time for fussy eating adults.
It's not fucking Bingo. You don't win the "shielded from reality card" for being ND or traumatised.

adriftindenofvipers · 13/03/2023 21:15

Mirabai · 13/03/2023 20:45

If he’s not on the spectrum, then hell no.

So, let's get this straight - it's ok if he is "on the spectrum" but not ok if he's not.

What practical difference does this make?

Are people with restricted diets, eg coeliac disease, social pariahs because they can't eat everything that's cooked for them?

ChefsSalad · 13/03/2023 21:15

ukgone2pot · 13/03/2023 20:40

Can't believe the responses on here. There are a ton of dishes that don't require veg that you can enjoy and get creative with. Just look at the Asian culture - it's mainly rice, meats and curries.I would be more concerned if they didn't eat much fruit though - that would be more odd to me.

Is this a joke or are you just completely clueless?

MulletAndMustache · 13/03/2023 21:15

FatimaHatima · 13/03/2023 21:14

So many people with issues around food have some sort of trauma in their past or are neurodiverse, and it shows a very unpleasant and ignorant side of those people that are making some of these comments

And plenty of people who are ND and/or have trauma in their past have no time for fussy eating adults.
It's not fucking Bingo. You don't win the "shielded from reality card" for being ND or traumatised.

Cos that’s what I said. 🙄😂

ChilliBandit · 13/03/2023 21:15

KnittingNeedles · 13/03/2023 20:53

Yeah but @ChilliBandit surely you can see there's a difference between having a limited number of fruits/vegetables you don't like, and having only two that you will eat?

Going through life not eating avocados is no biggie. Trying to have people cook for you or eat out when veg-wise all you'll eat is peas and sweetcorn is a much bigger deal.

Show quote history

@KnittingNeedles - I was specifically responding to a poster talking about how certain foods make them feel.

I have already explained my lovely, intelligent, well educated and sporty husband only eats 2-3 vegetables. He happily tries food but just doesn’t like most vegetables. It’s really not the big deal people are making it out to be. We eat a wide variety of home cooked meals and go to restaurants. We were even in another country last week eating “foreign” food, gasp. People are being really quite nasty on this thread about something that’s not a big deal. As for the poster who needs their partner’s favourite meal to be a verbose soliloquy involving jus etc - give over.

nex18 · 13/03/2023 21:21

My exh was like this (slightly more varied though!). It’s an absolute joy cooking for my dp now, he really enjoys all foods and appreciates it when I cook for him. Don’t underestimate how much of an impact it makes.

adriftindenofvipers · 13/03/2023 21:22

Oxterguff · 13/03/2023 20:58

@adriftindenofvipers
Exactly!
Imagine judging people for their food preferences? Something they actually can’t help! I love veg but would actually be sick if given eggs or fish. Fortunately my DP and friends are still happy to visit’s restaurants with me without considering me not to be worthy of their company! FFS! 🙄

It's actually quite upsetting that people actually think like that. I don't affect whatever anyone else eats; I'm a good friend/good company etc - I just have this one hang up that I can't help?

QueenCamilla · 13/03/2023 21:22

@MulletAndMustache
Please, no one is laughing at your daughter...
Fussy eating is not easily tolerated by the majority of the neuro-typical population. That's what the thread is showing. And it's hardly surprising.

The core reasons as to why someone has limited diet is of no importance to me. Extensive allergies, eating disorder, trauma, veganism, religion or autism - it's not compatible with how I'd like to spend my life as a normally functioning adult.

Mirabai · 13/03/2023 21:24

adriftindenofvipers · 13/03/2023 21:15

So, let's get this straight - it's ok if he is "on the spectrum" but not ok if he's not.

What practical difference does this make?

Are people with restricted diets, eg coeliac disease, social pariahs because they can't eat everything that's cooked for them?

Show quote history

It’s the difference between someone who has a neurological disorder and someone who is immature and unadventurous.

I’m Coeliac so unfortunately that card won’t work. I don’t eat wheat but I eat buckwheat, rice, corn, amaranth, oats etc instead.

WonderingWanda · 13/03/2023 21:24

He's 40, this isn't going to improve. Mine was like this aged 20 but 22 years in and he is much less fussy. Produced fussy children though! I think by 40 he is going to be too set in his ways and you can kiss goodbye to nice food if you pursue this relationship. It's so limiting when someone else has very restricted eating habits.

KeepCompany · 13/03/2023 21:25

QueenCamilla · 13/03/2023 21:22

@MulletAndMustache
Please, no one is laughing at your daughter...
Fussy eating is not easily tolerated by the majority of the neuro-typical population. That's what the thread is showing. And it's hardly surprising.

The core reasons as to why someone has limited diet is of no importance to me. Extensive allergies, eating disorder, trauma, veganism, religion or autism - it's not compatible with how I'd like to spend my life as a normally functioning adult.

The poster had said that it’s perfectly ok to choose a partner based on anything you like.

What isn’t ok is laughing at others. Simple really.

FatimaHatima · 13/03/2023 21:25

ukgone2pot · 13/03/2023 20:40

Can't believe the responses on here. There are a ton of dishes that don't require veg that you can enjoy and get creative with. Just look at the Asian culture - it's mainly rice, meats and curries.I would be more concerned if they didn't eat much fruit though - that would be more odd to me.

I can't decide if this poster is more racist or more stupid. I mean, clearly they are both racist and stupid, to a massive level.

Winemygoodenemy · 13/03/2023 21:25

My DP is fussy. He grew up not really eating a variety of foods. Ate a Monday meal, Tuesday meal etc. said he didn’t go out to a restaurant until he was 18. I am the opposite, parents chefs and not from uk originally so we ate a variety of foods and we ate out loads.

we both met in our 40s. I love to cook. He said he didn’t like veg or anything non tradition or unfamiliar. Well turns out if I just say chicken stew instead of chicken Tagine with dried fruit and a spicy sauce? He will eat it and love it. I don’t think he knew how tasty food could be.

I introduced him to hummus and he had turned into a hummus monster discovering all the flavours.

VioletaDelValle · 13/03/2023 21:26

Nothingbuttheglory · 13/03/2023 19:59

I would suspect someone that fussy of having an ahem limited sexual repertoire as well.

Why?
I have ARFID which means I have a very restricted diet. I'm really, really adventurous in every other aspect of my life including sex ( and travel, as that's another thing people will bring up)

Dunnoburt · 13/03/2023 21:26

Definitely got the "ick" for you OP.....YANBU!!!! I bet he says he doesn't like something and when you ask if he's ever tried it he will say no! 🤣

Oxterguff · 13/03/2023 21:27

@QueenCamilla
How understanding of you! 🙄How exactly do other people’s preferences stop you eating exactly what you want?
Perhaps not wanting to spend time with arrogant petty judgemental types isn’t compatible with how most rational considerate people want to spend their lives!

Mirabai · 13/03/2023 21:27

MulletAndMustache · 13/03/2023 21:12

Some of those that are sniggering at it or saying its immature.

I’ve said multiple times that you can not date anyone for any reason. But laughing and saying it’s childish is unpleasant when it’s so often linked to trauma and ND.

There’s nothing immature about my daughter, but she does have some restricted eating and other issues with food due to autism. She’s intelligent, fun, kind and importantly, she’s not a judgemental twat who laughs at people for any preferences they may have.

Show quote history

It’s not “so often” linked to trauma etc.

A very small minority of the population are on the spectrum, have an ED or are traumatised. (And trauma doesn’t often impact food restriction that it’s a bit of a reach).

So - you’re left with the vast majority who are fussy because they are.

QueenCamilla · 13/03/2023 21:28

@adriftindenofvipers

I'm sure you're a good friend and company.
But unless we share the food budget/shopping/cooking/raising the kids it's not exactly relevant, is it?

I wouldn't date a smoker. But I have friends who smoke and my brother does too. 🤷

Hankunamatata · 13/03/2023 21:31

Depends if your a foodie or not and want a dp that is too.

KeepCompany · 13/03/2023 21:32

Mirabai · 13/03/2023 21:27

It’s not “so often” linked to trauma etc.

A very small minority of the population are on the spectrum, have an ED or are traumatised. (And trauma doesn’t often impact food restriction that it’s a bit of a reach).

So - you’re left with the vast majority who are fussy because they are.

Show quote history

You do realise ND isn’t just the spectrum. More ignorance.

This thread could have been lighthearted but the idiots have arrived.

SunshineLoving · 13/03/2023 21:32

That would be a massive turn off for me. As pps have said, he may not have been exposed to different food and meals as a young person. If I was you, I would try introducing him to different meals. If he insists on the pickiness, I would seriously consider the future of the relationship. Vegan, vegetarian, gluten free...all things I can understand. But choosing to eat an extremely limited diet due to pure fussiness is something that would be very unattractive to me.