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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To suddenly find this very unattractive

528 replies

Besswess88 · 13/03/2023 19:39

Am dating this guy.

Early days.

I offered to cook for him.

Asked him, is there anything you don’t eat.

Only veg he eats are peas and sweetcorn and tomatoes if they are in a sauce.

Wtaf? And no he’s not 5 he’s in his 40s

OP posts:
MrsMiddleMother · 13/03/2023 20:52

If it doesn't work for you then end it, it's fine but I really hate 'fussy eaters ' being called immature or childish, surely the best thing about being an adult is eating exactly what you want and like.

SheilaWilcox · 13/03/2023 20:53

memorial · 13/03/2023 20:48

I'm a GP and pretty well known on here for my ranting hut actually yes I would have absolutely no issue with you making an appt to discuss those issues. It's not normal and can't be fun for you. There are things that can help!

Show quote history

That's actually really nice to know. I have a couple of long term health conditions, so avoid going to the doctor for anything else as I don't want them to think I'm abusing/overusing the system.

JobSeekingMissile · 13/03/2023 20:53

MulletAndMustache · 13/03/2023 20:51

💐

Although I believe you can not date someone for any reason at all, I agree some of the attitudes on here are awful.

So many people with issues around food have some sort of trauma in their past or are neurodiverse, and it shows a very unpleasant and ignorant side of those people that are making some of these comments.

Who would want to date someone like that anyway?

I’m a vegan, with a varied and healthy diet and have dealt with some complete dickheads in terms of them judging my diet. And one of my children has autism, she has some ‘rules’ about food, and again, some people just don’t want to understand.

Show quote history

Thank you for your understanding.

AnneKipankitoo · 13/03/2023 20:53

How old are you? Can you be bothered?

adriftindenofvipers · 13/03/2023 20:53

arethereanyleftatall · 13/03/2023 20:02

Deal breaker for me.
Because, if he's in his 40s, that means he's got there without learning how to cook, (how?) or having never been out to a decent restaurant. Neither would appeal.

I found 'what's your favourite meal' quite a good fact finder outer when I was online dating. A paragraph long response detailing flavours and varieties and sauces and jus; equals tick regardless of what it was- but a 'ooh I like an Indian' would probably have me winding the conversation down.

Oh fgs what a crock!

I'm in my fucking 60s and the only veg I eat are potatoes, carrots and tomatoes. There's always something in restaurants, and I've eaten in lots of different ones. I just can't bear the consistency, and the thoughts of eating green veg makes me feel like throwing up!!

I don't mind something like onion in sauces, so long as it's chopped up fine - again the flavour is fine, but eating an actual onion gives me a fit of the vapours!! I didn't set out to be this way and my parents did everything they humanly could to change me, and I'd hate to think this would be something I'd be judged on!! I can guarantee that even friends that I eat out with regularly would not know the extent of what's pretty much a phobia for me!

I love things like veg soup/leek & potato soup, lentil and bacon, red pepper etc etc - so long as the veg are liquidised. So.... you could use your cooking skills to encourage your guy to broaden his repertoire.

I'm very well-educated, two degrees etc, Russell Group graduate, well-travelled. Green veg just give me the ick.

I think it would be a very silly reason to bin the poor guy if he's otherwise lovely?!

KnittingNeedles · 13/03/2023 20:53

ChilliBandit · 13/03/2023 20:40

@SheilaWilcox - that’s how I feel about avocado, I feel nauseous just typing it. I am a professional with a degree but probably an immature toddler in the eyes of some people here Hmm

Yeah but @ChilliBandit surely you can see there's a difference between having a limited number of fruits/vegetables you don't like, and having only two that you will eat?

Going through life not eating avocados is no biggie. Trying to have people cook for you or eat out when veg-wise all you'll eat is peas and sweetcorn is a much bigger deal.

Mirabai · 13/03/2023 20:54

countingto10 · 13/03/2023 20:43

Well there’s no hope for my 20yr old DS (ASD) then who is food phobic and lives on five things Sad - hopefully he will find an understanding partner in time (he’s had CAMHS involvement etc to no avail) - he doesn’t even like being around food.

Threads about food fussiness always attract posters with, or with children with, SEN or EDs to complain.

But the fact is SEN and EDs are in the very small minority. Most people with limited diets don’t have neurological or eating disorders they’re just very unadventurous.

Densol57 · 13/03/2023 20:55

I had one like this once. Drove me mental. Also had his steak cooked well done ! Say no more.

My DH now loves all foods and I love cooking for him. He enjoys eating too :)

SheilaWilcox · 13/03/2023 20:55

Marty897 · 13/03/2023 20:46

@SheilaWilcox I feel the same way, also a ‘fussy eater’. I’ve seen threads like this before and they always make me feel shit. I do eat most veg and rarely find restaurants where there’s nothing I’d eat. But I don’t eat fish or most cheese and that can be challenging especially abroad. It’s texture and smell for me in both those cases and the thought of eating either makes me feel really anxious and sick. I read an article recently about someone who was helped by a private Harley St doctor but I don’t have ££ to spend on it.

That's interesting.
If it really works, I'd consider saving up for it, because like you say, it makes me feel like shit reading stuff like this.

Mirabai · 13/03/2023 20:56

adriftindenofvipers · 13/03/2023 20:53

Oh fgs what a crock!

I'm in my fucking 60s and the only veg I eat are potatoes, carrots and tomatoes. There's always something in restaurants, and I've eaten in lots of different ones. I just can't bear the consistency, and the thoughts of eating green veg makes me feel like throwing up!!

I don't mind something like onion in sauces, so long as it's chopped up fine - again the flavour is fine, but eating an actual onion gives me a fit of the vapours!! I didn't set out to be this way and my parents did everything they humanly could to change me, and I'd hate to think this would be something I'd be judged on!! I can guarantee that even friends that I eat out with regularly would not know the extent of what's pretty much a phobia for me!

I love things like veg soup/leek & potato soup, lentil and bacon, red pepper etc etc - so long as the veg are liquidised. So.... you could use your cooking skills to encourage your guy to broaden his repertoire.

I'm very well-educated, two degrees etc, Russell Group graduate, well-travelled. Green veg just give me the ick.

I think it would be a very silly reason to bin the poor guy if he's otherwise lovely?!

Show quote history

Sorry, but people who don’t eat vegetables give me the ick. Just some vegetarians don’t want to date a meat eater.

8e88e · 13/03/2023 20:57

I went on a date with a guy once who was picking at his food. Picking bits our, eating around other bits. It got on my nerves so badly and gave me the ick. Just be a man and eat your food! I know people can't help what they don't like, it just feels immature 😂 I'm now with someone who will eat absolute anything and is a brilliant cook so I'm glad I got rid of the fussy eater.

SheilaWilcox · 13/03/2023 20:57

JobSeekingMissile · 13/03/2023 20:48

@SheilaWilcox 💐 I'm desperate to have a healthier diet but vomit if I try to eat foods with tastes or textures that the trigger response is caused by; almost all are salad, vegetables or fruits.
I can blend veggies into my own dinner and eat it knowing they are there, but if my body recognises certain flavours / textures then I start to retch and end up being sick.

These responses make me feel awful that I'm viewed this way for something I can't help. It's not being childish, it's a physical response I can't control.

Yes! can blend things into soups for myself, but not eat veg.

HarryBlaster · 13/03/2023 20:57

Fussy pillock

CerealNCer · 13/03/2023 20:57

I think this is a primal thing for me, I associate a man who can eat anything and everything as strong, unfussy, huge appetite to life, openminded, adventurous, practical, sensual, more fun, risk taker, adaptable, can survive in tough environments, he's not precious or delicate or super sensitive. He's low maintenance and well adjusted. When he eats like an unhealthy fussy toddler I wonder what else he's fussy about or has childish quirks about. For example, I wouldn't like it if he slept with cuddly toys or had a cuddly toy on his bed or little toys. Some other women may be the male equivalent for him so I wouldn't worry if you're fussy, you will find someone it just wouldn't be me, which you might be pleased about anyway.
This doesn't apply to food exclusions for allergy, health or religious or moral reasons.

Oxterguff · 13/03/2023 20:58

@adriftindenofvipers
Exactly!
Imagine judging people for their food preferences? Something they actually can’t help! I love veg but would actually be sick if given eggs or fish. Fortunately my DP and friends are still happy to visit’s restaurants with me without considering me not to be worthy of their company! FFS! 🙄

WishIdDoneItYearsAgo · 13/03/2023 21:01

Oh and stuff like Victoria sponge and all those other cakes made with 3 eggs. 🤢

Snugglemonkey · 13/03/2023 21:01

No, it is very unattractive and is not tolerable to me. I have had this before. It made me hate cooking (I love cooking), it made me hate eating (I love eating), because it was too much bother to cook two separate things so I left veg out. I then had to eat stuff on the side. Bored the crap out of me and wrecked my meals. Then I realised I really resented him and did not respect him. I absolutely believe it eroded the relationship.

Findingmypurposeinlife · 13/03/2023 21:03

shouldhavetakenmorenotice · 13/03/2023 19:41

Stick to restaurants.

I have one of these in my house. I gave birth to him so I'm stuck with it for another ten years.

You don't have to - so please don't!

I presume there are plenty of other things that are worth keeping him around for?

Love this 💜😅

QueenCamilla · 13/03/2023 21:04

So many people with issues around food have some sort of trauma in their past or are neurodiverse, and it shows a very unpleasant and ignorant side of those people that are making some of these comments.

I wouldn't be a suitable partner to someone with psychological trauma or neurodiversity. Just as I couldn't date a fussy eater, someone in debt, a smoker, a vegan, someone with small children... What is ignorant or unpleasant about that?

cpphelp · 13/03/2023 21:05

Besswess88 · 13/03/2023 19:49

So roast chicken with roast potatoes, peas and sweet corn? 🙈🙈🙈

It would be an end for me as I find it so childish. My four year old and twin three year olds eat far better than this.

My cousin (early 20's) has autism and is the same as your date though, could this be similar? Or food issues?
The one thing I would say, is that my (male) cousin isn't short of dates! He's just a bit too honest to keep them long term.

IHaveaSetOfVeryParticularSkills · 13/03/2023 21:06

Some people are taking it way too personally when they don't eat only few things. That's bog difference to eating only few things.
If someone is not happy with that, they don't have to date the person not eating any veg bar 2 things. There will allways be someone who eill either be ok with it or also only eat peas and sweetcorn...

FatimaHatima · 13/03/2023 21:07

cornedbeefteef · 13/03/2023 20:03

Judgement and snobbery in full swing once again on MN. Food preferences aren't really something I prioritise in a partner. But then again I like a Turkey dinosaur once in a while. Thankfully dh hasn't left me yet.

What is with people who pretend they don't judge, or that not liking things is snobbery?

Eveyrone judges. Everyone discriminates. OP doesn't have to like this guy, or what he does. I don't have to like you. We can all decide not to go out with a guy for any reason at all, including that he is a fussy eater.

Food preferences aren't something YOU prioritise in a partner, so if someone else does its judgey and snobby? Arrogant much?

adriftindenofvipers · 13/03/2023 21:09

JobSeekingMissile · 13/03/2023 20:48

@SheilaWilcox 💐 I'm desperate to have a healthier diet but vomit if I try to eat foods with tastes or textures that the trigger response is caused by; almost all are salad, vegetables or fruits.
I can blend veggies into my own dinner and eat it knowing they are there, but if my body recognises certain flavours / textures then I start to retch and end up being sick.

These responses make me feel awful that I'm viewed this way for something I can't help. It's not being childish, it's a physical response I can't control.

That's me as well!! I spent my childhood eating like a bird, just didn't enjoy food that much, and my mother was so desperate to get me to eat that she had me on vitamins/tonics and stood over me with a sally rod hitting me with it bite for bite...

I literally cannot force myself and I feel nauseous right now at the thoughts! On the plus side, I love fruit and eat lots of it and a wide variety, but there are some veg and salad I just can't hack!

gloriousmulch · 13/03/2023 21:09

I’m pretty sure I could get past that. So he doesn’t like many vegetables 🤷‍♀️ Are there redeeming features which outweigh this?

5128gap · 13/03/2023 21:10

My DP is like this, except only eats peas. I'm vegan. We're like Jack Spratt and his wife. Between us we lick the platter clean!😂