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AIBU?

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Original poster

To suddenly find this very unattractive

528 replies

Besswess88 · 13/03/2023 19:39

Am dating this guy.

Early days.

I offered to cook for him.

Asked him, is there anything you don’t eat.

Only veg he eats are peas and sweetcorn and tomatoes if they are in a sauce.

Wtaf? And no he’s not 5 he’s in his 40s

OP posts:
arethereanyleftatall · 14/03/2023 07:36

This thread has been wonderfully ironic.

A handful of posters being really judgemental and sanctimonious because they wouldn't judge someone cos of what they eat. 😂😂

Like Fatima said below - you do you RichardGere and Princesz, other people thankfully get to make their own choices too.

IHaveaSetOfVeryParticularSkills · 14/03/2023 07:41

RichardsGear · 14/03/2023 07:24

There are many couples who have overcome huge differences in religious backgrounds, social class or political leanings to make successful, loving relationships. Vegetables? No way - that's a deal breaker!!!

FFS 🙄

I am in mix race, culture, language, cuisine, religion and subsequent dietary requirements marriage.

I would still break up with someone who only eats peas and sweetcorn.

Hth

IHaveaSetOfVeryParticularSkills · 14/03/2023 07:45

NatashaDancing · 14/03/2023 00:54

Well said FatimaHatima.

Everyone* is entitled *, without question or exception, to be as judgemental as they want to be about whatever they find unattractive about a potential partnerin a relationship.

Show quote history

I wish more women understood that. Because @Stravaig was also right.
And it's not just nutrition. It's hobbies, llikes and dislikes, styles, general life.

gannett · 14/03/2023 07:53

He'd probably be incompatible with me as I love eating out and trying all sorts of new food. I couldn't be with an unadventurous or fussy eater.

I think his attitude towards it might be more important though. There are a lot of valid reasons people might have odd attitudes to food, but is he willing to actually try things out of his comfort zone? Or is he one of those fussy eaters who reacts to about 50 perfectly normal food items with a cat's bum face and sulking? The latter is behaviour I barely tolerate in friends let alone partners. There's hope with the former though. Most people develop a varied palate as they get older and I certainly wasn't as adventurous at 20 as I am now.

gannett · 14/03/2023 07:58

NatashaDancing · 14/03/2023 00:54

Well said FatimaHatima.

Everyone* is entitled *, without question or exception, to be as judgemental as they want to be about whatever they find unattractive about a potential partnerin a relationship.

Show quote history

There's a difference between knowing what you personally aren't attracted to and realising that's incompatibility - and the OTT value judgment of calling someone "very unattractive", as if this behaviour is an inherent failing.

Poor hygiene, bigoted views and controlling tendencies are objectively all very unattractive traits. But eating preferences say nothing about someone's character or worth, even if you find them odd. It's just incompatibility.

IHaveaSetOfVeryParticularSkills · 14/03/2023 08:10

OTT value judgment of calling someone "very unattractive", as if this behaviour is an inherent failing.

But is is unattractive to the person who says thay don't find that attractive. Attractiveness is subjective and it can be rruined by very much anything a oerson doesn't find attractive.
Blond/black/red hair also don't say anything about character or worth but some people are not attracted to it.

People are allowed to find things unattractive for them. That leads to incompatibility

ukgone2pot · 14/03/2023 08:16

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

gannett · 14/03/2023 08:23

IHaveaSetOfVeryParticularSkills · 14/03/2023 08:10

OTT value judgment of calling someone "very unattractive", as if this behaviour is an inherent failing.

But is is unattractive to the person who says thay don't find that attractive. Attractiveness is subjective and it can be rruined by very much anything a oerson doesn't find attractive.
Blond/black/red hair also don't say anything about character or worth but some people are not attracted to it.

People are allowed to find things unattractive for them. That leads to incompatibility

Yes you can find whatever you want attractive, of course. But would you go around calling blonde people, for example, "very unattractive" just because you weren't sexually attracted to them? I hope not.

Feeling a lack of attraction is one thing - labelling someone as "very unattractive" is playground bully shit.

IHaveaSetOfVeryParticularSkills · 14/03/2023 08:27

Feeling a lack of attraction is one thing - labelling someone as "very unattractive" is playground bully shit.

It's really not because if you are talking about OP title it says "to find this very unattractive". It's very unattractive to her, that's it. Are people not allowed to say what they find unattractive?

Blossomtoes · 14/03/2023 08:28

I think you should throw him back @Besswess88. He deserves better.

KnittingNeedles · 14/03/2023 08:48

I think some people don't get why food is a big deal for many of us.

PIL are like this. Food is fuel. Food should be simple and quick, and preferably out of a packet. No interest in eating out, why would you spend good money on eating out when you have food in the house? No interest in trying new things, would never dream of watching a food/cooking programme on telly and can't understand why anyone would be interested in watching. Don't eat spicy food, or noodles. It's the way they were raised and when I met DH he was very conservative in what he would eat too.

If you're one of those people who is just not interested in food then yes this idea that you might reject a potential match because they are not into food/cooking or have a limited palate is alien to you.

And it's not about eating sea buckthorn, quail or timbales of whatever every night. It's about enjoying tasting menus or fancy food every so often, and knowing that this prospective new partner would no sooner eat it than fly to the moon.

KnittingNeedles · 14/03/2023 08:53

To add to previous post - DH wasn't as much conservative in what he would eat in a "I don't like" way - it's more that he had never tried or never been given the option to try things growing up. He was open minded though and now eats pretty much anything.

arethereanyleftatall · 14/03/2023 08:53

There's a big difference @gannett , between 'unattractive' and unattractive to me'
It is the latter that people are referring to on this thread. Nobody is saying that no one can find adults who eat toddler food attractive, but that they personally don't. And that's surely their choice?!?

purplevipersgrass · 14/03/2023 09:08

IHaveaSetOfVeryParticularSkills · 14/03/2023 08:10

OTT value judgment of calling someone "very unattractive", as if this behaviour is an inherent failing.

But is is unattractive to the person who says thay don't find that attractive. Attractiveness is subjective and it can be rruined by very much anything a oerson doesn't find attractive.
Blond/black/red hair also don't say anything about character or worth but some people are not attracted to it.

People are allowed to find things unattractive for them. That leads to incompatibility

It's true that hair colour says nothing much about a person, but food preferences can. As people upthread have said, only eating a very limited number of food items is often associated with ASD or other neuro diversity. There are some people to whom that wouldn't be important but to many it is: see the threads where women married to ASD or ND men write about the stresses it causes.

BoredOfThisMansWorld · 14/03/2023 09:12

Lots of kids are like this, but grow out of it as they get older. Sometimes when living with friends/ students, previously fussy kids start eating a normal range of food overnight. But at this age I'd worry he won't change. We should be eating ten portions of veg and fruit (mostly veg) a day. We can't guard against all the diseases of ageing but we can at least try and eat well and be active.

I've already lost a loved one too young. This would be a deal breaker for me.

PhoenixAuntie · 14/03/2023 09:27

I love cooking and my Dad ran a restaurant so taught me.

I wouldn’t date him.

I was very fussy in my choice of long term partner and would rather have been single than shack up with someone who from the get go had traits I did not like.

Plus my brother always offers fried chickens feet at first dinner meeting, he did it to DH who was my then BF and he did it to his daughters boyfriends. someone that fussy would just not survive a family dinner at my brothers. It’s some sort of weird test he does.

IHaveaSetOfVeryParticularSkills · 14/03/2023 09:44

Plus my brother always offers fried chickens feet at first dinner meeting,

I love this "will you fit" test😂

Runki · 14/03/2023 09:51

If he starts chewing with his mouth open, burping and farting and scratching whilst he's eating his veg, then I'd be outta there. Or if he tells you he likes roadkill with his peas. All things are relative ha ha.

VioletaDelValle · 14/03/2023 09:56

These threads always go the same way......it's a shame really.

I suffer from ARFID and I'm thankful that my DH and friends don't judge me for that. There's so much more to me than my eating habits and I've made sure they don't hold me ( or anyone else) back.

Stompythedinosaur · 14/03/2023 10:00

Cook as normal, stick food in dishes and let him take what he wants. I wouldn't get my knickers in a twist.

alwaysmovingforwards · 14/03/2023 10:36

MulletAndMustache · 13/03/2023 19:42

It wouldn’t bother me. People have food preferences.

But if it bothers you, that’s all that matters. You can choose not date someone for any reason at all.

Agreed.

AlmostaMamma · 14/03/2023 10:53

gannett · 14/03/2023 07:58

There's a difference between knowing what you personally aren't attracted to and realising that's incompatibility - and the OTT value judgment of calling someone "very unattractive", as if this behaviour is an inherent failing.

Poor hygiene, bigoted views and controlling tendencies are objectively all very unattractive traits. But eating preferences say nothing about someone's character or worth, even if you find them odd. It's just incompatibility.

Show quote history

Calling someone very unattractive and saying you find them/their traits/habits/idiosyncrasies to be very unattractive are not the same thing. Everyone is entitled to the latter.

OP and posters on this thread have been attacked (admittedly by a small minority) for doing the latter.

strivingtosucceed · 14/03/2023 12:06

MulletAndMustache · 14/03/2023 01:21

Anyone that called themselves a foodie would be an instant turn off for me. 😂

I call myself a "foodist" is that better? haha

I think it's silly people haroing on about someone not liking vegetables means they're a fussy eater who isn't going to be able to eat at restaurants or enjoy different cuisines. I don't like most veg, it tastes like dirt to me, but i've found that with some, if they're cooked a specific way, they taste much better (though i'd still not choose to eat them and may leave some on my plate).

I love to cook and aim to get at least some veg into my meals by either slicing them very thin or blending them into the meal. I don't see how that means I'm unbearably fussy or an annoyingly picky eater. Sometimes i'll eat the veg first before eating the rest of my meal so I can enjoy it better. I just don't see where the issue is. Also if your partner doesn't like veg, you could just....not cook it for them. They can open a tin of sweetcorn or whatever and have that with their meal.

8e88e · 14/03/2023 14:02

It's hilarious how many comments this post has 😂 I never wouldve though anyone would care this much

Hearmeout · 14/03/2023 16:47

I think the human race is just trying to unalive itself at this point, if we are rejecting people based on what they're ultimately going to deposit in a toilet