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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To suddenly find this very unattractive

528 replies

Besswess88 · 13/03/2023 19:39

Am dating this guy.

Early days.

I offered to cook for him.

Asked him, is there anything you don’t eat.

Only veg he eats are peas and sweetcorn and tomatoes if they are in a sauce.

Wtaf? And no he’s not 5 he’s in his 40s

OP posts:
ChilliBandit · 14/03/2023 00:00

Mirabai · 13/03/2023 23:56

First you mean implied not infer, and secondly where did I ever say India “eats loads of vegetables”?

What I said was 25% of India is veggie.

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Yep definitely the poster I was thinking of 🥱

FatimaHatima · 14/03/2023 00:03

Prinzesa · 14/03/2023 00:00

Just read my posts - in a nutshell I suppose it's that finding someone 'unattractive' because they like different food to you is, not only far less attractive, it's sad, narcissistic and a whole new level of judgemental i.e. ... as per my posts, batshit! 😄😊

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You can find someone unattractive for any reason at all. It's not narcissistic or weird or judgemental to be turned off by someone for anything.

The only batshit people are the ones who berate someone for their individual likes and dislikes. I can be turned off someone because of food preferences, or the colour of their hair, or the way they hold a pen, or the way they say something, or their aftershave or their favourite book. It's nobodies business and you don't get to police it for anyone.

Mirabai · 14/03/2023 00:08

See - I don’t drink very much, hardly at all, and if a guy was a mad keen wine buff - it would be a passion of his I couldn’t share. I could totally understand if that it might put someone off. That they’d prefer to be someone who shares their interest. Ditto golf, rugby, sailing.

Mirabai · 14/03/2023 00:09

No idea who you are @ChilliBandit

Stravaig · 14/03/2023 00:09

No couple needs to like exactly the same foods. However there's no point progressing a relationship unless you have broadly compatible ideas about how to maintain health and fitness throughout life.

Eating a variety of fruit and vegetables is considered healthy. Something like 800g veg/ 500g fruit daily, 30 distinct plant foods a week, was optimal in the last article I read. Mr Kindergarten Veg falls far short of a healthy glow.

Apply the same discernment to alcohol consumption, activity levels, screen time or any other lifestyle factor. If you're health-conscious, why limit your life and your wellbeing by choosing a partner whose food choices are restrictive or whose living habits are incompatible or actively harmful.

I fucking hate the way so many women compromise their nutrition, their fitness, their lifestyle, their overall health, out of a fucked up co-dependent need to match and fit in with whatever mediocre male specimen we've been socialised to think we can't live without.

GrinAndVomit · 14/03/2023 00:16

FatimaHatima · 14/03/2023 00:03

You can find someone unattractive for any reason at all. It's not narcissistic or weird or judgemental to be turned off by someone for anything.

The only batshit people are the ones who berate someone for their individual likes and dislikes. I can be turned off someone because of food preferences, or the colour of their hair, or the way they hold a pen, or the way they say something, or their aftershave or their favourite book. It's nobodies business and you don't get to police it for anyone.

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Hear fucking hear

Imagine thinking you get to police who someone else has a relationship with/ sleeps with and decide if their reasoning to not is good enough. AND having the audacity to call them bat shit and narcissistic

😂😂

NatashaDancing · 14/03/2023 00:18

Deeply, deeply unattractive.

I bet there's a lot list of other things he doesn't like either which would make him completely incompatible with me.

NatashaDancing · 14/03/2023 00:22

Mothership4two · 13/03/2023 23:35

In your shoes I would judge, sorry, OP. Too much like the kids and having to hide the veg. But if you like him and there are no other major differences then there are loads of saucy meals you could cook - pastas and curries, etc. Also rice dishes like risotto or paella, pies (assuming he eats mash?) and slow cooked meat with some sort of lentils (which will break down into mush). That's if you still want to cook a meal for him.

I'd put money on his not touching paellla, risotto or lentils with a barge pole either.

oioimatey · 14/03/2023 00:26

I was in a relationship with a bloke like that for the best part of a decade and it drove me insane.

Prinzesa · 14/03/2023 00:41

FatimaHatima · 14/03/2023 00:03

You can find someone unattractive for any reason at all. It's not narcissistic or weird or judgemental to be turned off by someone for anything.

The only batshit people are the ones who berate someone for their individual likes and dislikes. I can be turned off someone because of food preferences, or the colour of their hair, or the way they hold a pen, or the way they say something, or their aftershave or their favourite book. It's nobodies business and you don't get to police it for anyone.

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Oh goodness dont get me wrong @FatimaHatima and @GrinAndVomit , i'm not saying you CANT be turned off someone because of food preferences, or the colour of their hair, or the way they hold a pen, or the way they say something... I'm just saying it makes you shallow, sad and judgemental :) HTH

mrsfollowill · 14/03/2023 00:43

I've only read the posts by the O/P so apologies if someone else has already said this. When I met DH (30yrs ago) the 'things he did not eat list' was huge. Turned out he didn't like cheese because he had never had it as FIL disliked it. I mean who has not tried cheese!
All Veg was Destroyed in MIL's dinners - horrible mush as I experienced 1st hand- she cooked a variation of a roast dinner every night for about 40 yrs and begrudged every moment of it and it showed!
We were early 20's when we met and to be fair he tried loads of stuff he would not have thought to eat and loved it so has a far broader range of food these days. Turns out MIL loves things like Indian/Chinese/Pizza but only found this out after FIL died and she could stop cooking the godawful roast dinners.

FatimaHatima · 14/03/2023 00:48

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NatashaDancing · 14/03/2023 00:54

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Well said FatimaHatima.

Everyone* is entitled *, without question or exception, to be as judgemental as they want to be about whatever they find unattractive about a potential partnerin a relationship.

HamBone · 14/03/2023 01:14

DH and I love trying new foods/cuisines so neither of us would be compatible with someone who only ate peas and sweetcorn and tomatoes if they are in a sauce. It's just personal preference, our entire families are "foodies," his sister sends us photos of the exotic items she eats at restaurants...it does get tedious sometimes.😂

MulletAndMustache · 14/03/2023 01:21

Anyone that called themselves a foodie would be an instant turn off for me. 😂

HamBone · 14/03/2023 01:34

@MulletAndMustache I don't like the term either, tbh, I wasn't sure how to phrase it. "Adventurous eaters" might be more appropriate...my Mum used to call my Dad a "human dustbin" but that's not attractive either. 😆

oakleaffy · 14/03/2023 01:36

Besswess88 · 13/03/2023 19:51

Apparently he eats around the veg 🙈🙈

🤣Was he forced to eat vegetables as a child?
It sounds like there may be trauma there!

oakleaffy · 14/03/2023 01:39

HamBone · 14/03/2023 01:14

DH and I love trying new foods/cuisines so neither of us would be compatible with someone who only ate peas and sweetcorn and tomatoes if they are in a sauce. It's just personal preference, our entire families are "foodies," his sister sends us photos of the exotic items she eats at restaurants...it does get tedious sometimes.😂

There is a bloke on you tube who eats really 'Gross' ~To me~ stuff.
like live octopus.
Rat.
Bat.
And heaven forfend, D*g.

HamBone · 14/03/2023 01:56

oakleaffy · 14/03/2023 01:39

There is a bloke on you tube who eats really 'Gross' ~To me~ stuff.
like live octopus.
Rat.
Bat.
And heaven forfend, D*g.

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@oakleaffy OK, I'll downgrade us to "slightly adventurous eaters" as I'm not trying rat. My SIL might go for the octopus, I'm not sure....

adriftindenofvipers · 14/03/2023 01:59

Look, just drop the poor bastard!! Be honest, you are looking for an excuse aren't you?!!

adriftindenofvipers · 14/03/2023 02:02

oakleaffy · 14/03/2023 01:39

There is a bloke on you tube who eats really 'Gross' ~To me~ stuff.
like live octopus.
Rat.
Bat.
And heaven forfend, D*g.

Show quote history

I've tried octopus - and quail!! I was a bit drunk at the time though!!

AlmostaMamma · 14/03/2023 02:32

ukgone2pot · 13/03/2023 22:48

I'm probably a lot more well cultured and travelled that you...

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You didn’t actually address anything she said. You are aware that Asia has more vegans and vegetarians than any other continent? And that food from Asian cuisines generally features veg pretty heavily. And that there is no monolithic ‘Asian culture’?

Please tell us which countries you’ve lived in, which cuisines within those countries you’re referring to (as they generally have more than one) and what these vegetable free dishes are (their actual names, as opposed to ‘meat, rice and curries’). As saying ‘the Asian culture’ doesn’t make you sound cultured or well travelled.

Whatthefnow · 14/03/2023 03:41

This place is savage.

There are lots of things I wouldn't eat. If you put peas on my plate I might eat them to be polit.

But a prawn, fuck no.

Give him a break op.

Original poster
Besswess88 · 14/03/2023 06:24

He does not have ASC.

And loving the judgey posts about having sex with him 🤣

I am an adult. My body, my choice 👍🏻

OP posts:
RichardsGear · 14/03/2023 07:24

There are many couples who have overcome huge differences in religious backgrounds, social class or political leanings to make successful, loving relationships. Vegetables? No way - that's a deal breaker!!!

FFS 🙄