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AIBU?

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Original poster

10 kids? To judge it not to judge?

354 replies

Sekena · 13/03/2023 18:45

I don't have 10 kids lol BUT boyfriends Dad was one of 10 - boyfriend's dad was a 'rainbow' baby born after a stillbirth -although doubt if this term was used then. Boyfriend himself is one of 5 - and all the sibs get on.

On MN - you get for instance a lot of 'only child' threads and parents potential guilt for not providing siblings and the opinions on these quite rightly are overwhelmingly that onlies don't miss out and these only child stereotypes are nonsense - which I completely agree with - I firmly believe an only child can thrive and doesn't need siblings. However - I also believe that a child in a large family can also thrive - just like my boyfriend's dad did. However if I was to say I'd like 10 kids - would I be judged ? I haven't decided on this at all - I'm currently pregnant with my second - but honestly felt my DD thrived as an only so definitely didn't conceive to give Dd a sibling - am delighted for this child in its own right !

I'm currently open minded about family size and am a SAHM. But what are your opinions on families of 10 like my boyfriends Dad's - WIBU if this is what I wanted ?

OP posts:
Botw1 · 14/03/2023 08:50

@sunglassesonthetable

Then I suggest you reread

It wasn't raised on the thread by accident

sunglassesonthetable · 14/03/2023 08:53

I raised it.

Just pointing out that there is more nuance to the sustainability argument than the knee jerk reactions we've read on here.

I'm still NOT arguing for families of 10 though 😂 Who is????

Botw1 · 14/03/2023 08:55

There isn't more nuance

Capitalism doesn't negate the need to tackle over population and climate change

Large families, be that 4 or 10 aren't justified by capitalism

TomeTome · 14/03/2023 08:57

People like different things.

sunglassesonthetable · 14/03/2023 09:06

*There isn't more nuance

Capitalism doesn't negate the need to tackle over population and climate change

Large families, be that 4 or 10 aren't justified* by capitalism

There is always nuance.

When did you pick the numbers? ie above 3? Do you do population modelling?

Climate change totally needs tackling but the answers are NOT clear cut.

I have seen people on here saying they liked aspects of large families. I have not seen ANYONE arguing for them, in this day and age.

Botw1 · 14/03/2023 09:08

@sunglassesonthetable

Of course some are arguing for them

They have them.

WhenisitmyturntobePM · 14/03/2023 09:08

I would judge because I was one of four and I hated it, so I’d assume the kids might be as miserable as I was. I remember when my mum told me she was pregnant with the youngest, I was about 9 years old and I was livid. I actually remember thinking ‘what on earth did you do that for? Where will it sleep? How will we afford it? You brainless idiot’.

My childhood was full of ‘take your sister to the toilet’ and ‘make your brother’s bed’. Pretty sure this happens to a certain extent in all large families, because two parents don’t have ten pairs of hands do they? Also, the noise was fucking insufferable and my mum was always at the end of her tether, which was sad because she was great. She herself has said she wouldn’t advise anyone else to have four kids.

I am just about in the place now where I am considering having one child with my husband. But I still have moments where I wonder if it’s like a turkey voting for Christmas. I still have a lingering sense of children being a kind of natural disaster rather than a gift from on high.

sunglassesonthetable · 14/03/2023 09:11

*Of course some are arguing for them

They have them.*

How do you know why people have children?

There are many more reasons than deciding to.

There are what 3 or 4 people ? on here who said they have 4....Hardly over population argument .

Do you do population modelling.

Holly60 · 14/03/2023 09:13

sunglassesonthetable · 14/03/2023 08:53

I raised it.

Just pointing out that there is more nuance to the sustainability argument than the knee jerk reactions we've read on here.

I'm still NOT arguing for families of 10 though 😂 Who is????

But PP just said 'argument for larger families'. Many people see families of 4 kids as 'larger families'. It doesn't need to be 10 to be a large family

SquanderedAgain · 14/03/2023 09:13

sunglassesonthetable · 14/03/2023 08:23

*don't understand the birth rate is declining argument?

Thats a good thing. Not a bad thing.

We just need to figure out the ageing population thing*

It's not an 'argument'

It's just a fact. The ageing population makes certain things very difficult.

NHs Resources, Pensions, etc
And yes it does need to be 'figured out'

Who's supposed to care for those extra babies in 60+ years? Just keep having more and more children all the time and have an ever-aging population every generation? Basic geography will tell you that overpopulation is a huge issue to every aspect of society.

As someone said earlier, could even just let already born people come over. Let them improve their quality of life: win-win. Why the heck would we need to add more new people?

FourTeaFallOut · 14/03/2023 09:13

Botw1 · 14/03/2023 08:55

There isn't more nuance

Capitalism doesn't negate the need to tackle over population and climate change

Large families, be that 4 or 10 aren't justified by capitalism

It's not just capitalism, it is social and political stability on national and global stage.

To think there are no downsides to an increasingly aged population and no nuance to the question of whether this is a good thing or bad thing, suggests the kind of black and white naivety which fails to engage with proper debate.

FourTeaFallOut · 14/03/2023 09:14

SquanderedAgain · 14/03/2023 09:13

Who's supposed to care for those extra babies in 60+ years? Just keep having more and more children all the time and have an ever-aging population every generation? Basic geography will tell you that overpopulation is a huge issue to every aspect of society.

As someone said earlier, could even just let already born people come over. Let them improve their quality of life: win-win. Why the heck would we need to add more new people?

Show quote history

Oh, we'll just rob other countries of their working class and nobody will mind, apparently 🙄

ChocSaltyBalls · 14/03/2023 09:15

Enthrallingstoryofstillnessandlight · 13/03/2023 18:51

I'd judge, it's dreadful. Environmental reasons being my main concern. Utterly selfish now we are all aware with no excuses.

This.

of previous generations where there were fewer family planning options I wouldn’t judge but now yes I would. No one needs to have 10 kids, how ridiculous.

Botw1 · 14/03/2023 09:15

@sunglassesonthetable

No I don't do population modelling

Do you?

@FourTeaFallOut

I haven't said there aren't downsides to an ageing population

There are but none of them can be solved by people having large families

SquanderedAgain · 14/03/2023 09:15

I'm not even against having children, as my posting history probably shows, I'm a parent. But the idea that we need to actively be having more and more children to prevent an aging population is nonsense. Especially if we're talking about XL families like this thread title says

FourTeaFallOut · 14/03/2023 09:16

Nobody has suggested that large families are the solution, just that large families of this size, in countries with low infant mortality, are so rare as to make not a blind bit if difference to the problem.

SquanderedAgain · 14/03/2023 09:17

Oh, we'll just rob other countries of their working class and nobody will mind, apparently 🙄

Oh well just create babies that won't be cared for in old age and won't have healthcare or a place to live, shall we? Who won't even have parks to play in because every square inch of land mass is used for housing

xogossipgirlxo · 14/03/2023 09:20

I wouldn't judge as long as kids are raised well, not left by themselves, because parents are busy TTC another one. I can't imagine my body after having 10 kids though, pelvic floor, skin and everything. But it's me.

Botw1 · 14/03/2023 09:21

Low (er) birth rates will always be the ideal.

Better for feminism. Better for the planet

sunglassesonthetable · 14/03/2023 09:21

IS ANYONE ON THIS THREAD actually ARGUING FOR LARGE FAMILIES ?

I have 4 and very happy. But I didn't PLAN that.

And I wouldn't advocate for that for everybody without serious caveats.

sunglassesonthetable · 14/03/2023 09:21

*Low (er) birth rates will always be the ideal.

Better for feminism. Better for the planet*

Nuance supreme.

FourTeaFallOut · 14/03/2023 09:23

Low (er) birth rates is already happening. A steep decline will exacerbate social and political fall out.

Botw1 · 14/03/2023 09:23

Facts don't need nuance

😁

Tourmalines · 14/03/2023 09:23

I think it would be crazy to have 10 kids in this day and age . It wouldn’t be worth the parents working because they would receive more on benefits so it would be the government bringing them up . Only happened generations ago because there was no pill . Maybe China was on the right path with the one child policy . Although I think now they allow 2 .

Botw1 · 14/03/2023 09:23

@FourTeaFallOut

So will climate change.

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