Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To hate that my husband does this

264 replies

Hevviie · 12/03/2023 21:52

My husband has a mad food habit (imo) that drives me crazy, but he thinks is absolutely fine. Basically whatever he eats he mashes all together with a fork until it's just a pile of mush. He insists that it's no different to eating the foods individually but to me it's just mad. Like I'll cook a whole roast with lovely crispy roast potatoes and he'll mash them to smithereens with everything else and it honestly makes my heart hurt. He thinks it's none of my business how he eats, maybe he's right. What do you think?

OP posts:
MangoBiscuit · 13/03/2023 08:37

I wouldn't want to watch someone do this, just as I wouldn't want to watch them mash their food up in their mouth. It would put me off my own food. I wouldn't ask DP to stop, but I might ask that takes it back into the kitchen to mash.

Silver lining though, he can get all the less attractive bits of food, the crappy first pancake, the slices of roast that crumbled, the roasty that stuck and fell apart when you tried to scrape it out the pan. I also wouldn't waste time presenting his food, as he says , it's all going to end up the same anyway. Save the best bits for yourself OP!

ThisIsWednesday · 13/03/2023 08:37

This would give me ick. I hate toddler attitudes to eating when you're a full grown adult and this would be one.

A couple of months in dating my now husband and we went out for a meal with my entire extended family (was a cousin's 21st). The room went silent with awkward looks and "WTF" faces because DH had picked his dinner plate up to his chin (in a nice restaurant), elbow straight out to the side at face height (in front of my nose) and the fork being held straight through the middle of his closed fist. He then proceeded to shovel the food in to his mouth, mashing and cutting with the fork (knife untouched) and I was so embarrassed. That was also after he covered the whole dish in salt and pepper before even tasting it.
That was one hell of an awkward conversation and he did manage to change the way he ate (went from fucking animal to human with opposable thumbs!) and we've been married for 18 years now. He doesn't even use salt and pepper unless the dish needs it. His mum still turns the salt upside down over her plate for a good 10 seconds for any meal, including sandwiches or curries etc but I'm not insulted because I don't cook for her.

amberedover · 13/03/2023 08:50

I also have a partner who eats like a toddler ,mashing food into a pile ,cutting up spaghetti into little pieces ,holds his fork in a closed fist to hold stuff down and then pulls food apart with his knife .
We have a dining room and a table in the kitchen but it's one of the reasons we now eat on our laps in front of the TV.

I don't think he got a lot of attention or love growing up and has not progressed from about the age of 3 in table manners .

TrishM80 · 13/03/2023 09:00

"Vegetables cooked to the appropriate textures"....🙄

There's some amount of shite posted in this place!

OheeOheeOh · 13/03/2023 09:05

ForeverTheOptomist · 13/03/2023 02:24

I nearly hit the report icon

Show quote history

I'm unfortunately not a snot troll and this is true. Over 11 years together before we married too, it only appeared after we married. Could probably get an annulment for it 🤔. He doesnt do it in public so people probably wouldn't believe me...!!

Nugg · 13/03/2023 09:06

I couldn't sit with someone who does that and eat. I hated feeding my children mush, so to witness a grown adult with no medical requirement to eat it, no. More than "the ick" to me!

clairelouwho · 13/03/2023 09:10

Hevviie · 12/03/2023 21:58

Ok I accept the charge of being overly dramatic. It defo is more like 'what's the point in me cooking when it's going to be instantly destroyed?'

Isn’t it going to be instantly destroyed anyway?

bakewellbride · 13/03/2023 09:37

Sometimes I mix / mush my food together but far from all the time and never a roast!

Abreezeitheglade · 13/03/2023 09:46

when my partner became abusive the first signs was he started to slurp on everything. He does it to repulse/anger me so he can make out I’m angry and deranged. I leave the room now when he is doing it but can still hear him in other rooms. Until you’ve been in an abusive relationship you’ll never realise how much someone will do to try and control you.
Unless there is a medical reason for him to purée his food he needs to leave it alone.

Original poster
Hevviie · 13/03/2023 13:58

I feel like the biggest wake up call will just be showing him this thread 😂

OP posts:
JungleBoobies · 13/03/2023 13:59

Abreezeitheglade · 13/03/2023 09:46

when my partner became abusive the first signs was he started to slurp on everything. He does it to repulse/anger me so he can make out I’m angry and deranged. I leave the room now when he is doing it but can still hear him in other rooms. Until you’ve been in an abusive relationship you’ll never realise how much someone will do to try and control you.
Unless there is a medical reason for him to purée his food he needs to leave it alone.

Really interesting point.

Are you still with abusive partner or making plans to escape?

Eyerollcentral · 13/03/2023 14:00

amberedover · 13/03/2023 08:50

I also have a partner who eats like a toddler ,mashing food into a pile ,cutting up spaghetti into little pieces ,holds his fork in a closed fist to hold stuff down and then pulls food apart with his knife .
We have a dining room and a table in the kitchen but it's one of the reasons we now eat on our laps in front of the TV.

I don't think he got a lot of attention or love growing up and has not progressed from about the age of 3 in table manners .

Even if that were true he is an adult capable of learning???? I bet he doesn’t do it in public

Anyotherdude · 13/03/2023 14:47

Just tell him that once you start teaching your baby how to eat at a table, it has to stop! Table manners are important, and you don’t want baby led astray by a 30/40-something giant toddler…

Doesthepopeshitinthewoods · 13/03/2023 15:01

The room went silent with awkward looks and "WTF" faces because DH had picked his dinner plate up to his chin (in a nice restaurant), elbow straight out to the side at face height (in front of my nose) and the fork being held straight through the middle of his closed fist.

What with this complete fucking ape (no offence to apes) and the genuinely horrify snot husband, I am just about done with MN for today. How the fuck do you poor women stand it? I genuinely think if I didn’t leave, I’d wind up putting broken glass in their food.

Eyerollcentral · 13/03/2023 15:08

Doesthepopeshitinthewoods · 13/03/2023 15:01

The room went silent with awkward looks and "WTF" faces because DH had picked his dinner plate up to his chin (in a nice restaurant), elbow straight out to the side at face height (in front of my nose) and the fork being held straight through the middle of his closed fist.

What with this complete fucking ape (no offence to apes) and the genuinely horrify snot husband, I am just about done with MN for today. How the fuck do you poor women stand it? I genuinely think if I didn’t leave, I’d wind up putting broken glass in their food.

Same. It’s like the first act of seven brides for seven brothers before they become civilised. That men live like this and women actually allow them in their lives, honestly I despair. Women need to majorly raise their standards and reject these animals. Men just actually disgust me after reading this.

LadyVictoriaSponge · 13/03/2023 15:11

Casmama · 12/03/2023 21:56

I think it is your business if your husband eats like a toddler - I certainly would t ever eat out with him so I understand your feelings

Agree, he would have been dumped after the first dinner date, major ick.

Doesthepopeshitinthewoods · 13/03/2023 15:20

It’s all a bit My Fair Lad but without the willing, the charm and the entertaining repartee, just revolting slurping noises.

LadyVictoriaSponge · 13/03/2023 15:25

Eyerollcentral · 13/03/2023 00:57

Why do people keep saying it’s none of her business??? Of course it is! They eat together!!!

Show quote history

People roll the ‘none of your business’ line out all the time on here, of course it’s the OP’s business if it’s her husband! a stranger in a restaurant obviously not (though I would still silently judge).

Clarice99 · 13/03/2023 15:25

I'm shocked how low some women's standards are.

Eyerollcentral · 13/03/2023 15:31

LadyVictoriaSponge · 13/03/2023 15:25

People roll the ‘none of your business’ line out all the time on here, of course it’s the OP’s business if it’s her husband! a stranger in a restaurant obviously not (though I would still silently judge).

Show quote history

💯

Eyerollcentral · 13/03/2023 15:32

Clarice99 · 13/03/2023 15:25

I'm shocked how low some women's standards are.

Yes will literally take any man in any condition, basic manners is not even a requirement now.

MissHavishamsMouldyOldCake · 13/03/2023 15:41

I'm still feeling queasy about the story of Snot Man.

UdoU · 13/03/2023 15:45

As well as making him cook more, I think you should refuse to eat with him as long as he does this. Sounds like he likes the attention it brings. Ask him to eat his food on a tray in the living room or eat after you have eaten.

Comtesse · 13/03/2023 15:52

Yanbu hideous behaviour from him - would find that enraging.

amberisola · 13/03/2023 15:57

Revolting. Did he do this early in your relationship or is it a recent thing? Either way I don’t think it’s unreasonable to expect an adult not to eat like a toddler. Why don’t you pre-blend it for him next time and serve it in a cup?