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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To hate that my husband does this

264 replies

Hevviie · 12/03/2023 21:52

My husband has a mad food habit (imo) that drives me crazy, but he thinks is absolutely fine. Basically whatever he eats he mashes all together with a fork until it's just a pile of mush. He insists that it's no different to eating the foods individually but to me it's just mad. Like I'll cook a whole roast with lovely crispy roast potatoes and he'll mash them to smithereens with everything else and it honestly makes my heart hurt. He thinks it's none of my business how he eats, maybe he's right. What do you think?

OP posts:
RosesAndHellebores · 12/03/2023 22:04

Grounds for divorce imo

WalkingOnTheCracks · 12/03/2023 22:05

Nauseating.

He’s got to go.

cocksstrideintheevening · 12/03/2023 22:06

I couldn't be with someone that did that. I wouldn't have to for to marrying stage.

DH used to eat with his mouth open.
It took a long time before he was a H to drum it into him that it was unacceptable to me. He did change. I don't think his parents ever taught him table manners. He's now shit hot in the kids if they talk with their mouths full / eat with their mouths open.

timeforchampagne · 12/03/2023 22:06

Hevviie · 12/03/2023 22:03

No he doesn't do it in restaurants, just my food lol.....I mean I know it's not a divorcing matter or anything but I was just wondering what people think. I really don't remember him doing it when we first got together, defo a case of being 7 years in

So no offence but are you actually a good cook?

or does he need to do that to make it palatable 🤷‍♀️

timeforchampagne · 12/03/2023 22:07

To explain I am potentially your dh and I tend to mix my food in, if it’s not something I love 🙈

GrumpyPanda · 12/03/2023 22:08

Rude as hell.

Coffeellama · 12/03/2023 22:09

Hevviie · 12/03/2023 21:58

Ok I accept the charge of being overly dramatic. It defo is more like 'what's the point in me cooking when it's going to be instantly destroyed?'

You do no what happens when people chew and swallow the food right? Instantly destroyed.

I can see why you don’t like it, but it’s tough luck really, you can’t tell him how to eat it’s just too controlling. Why’s he suddenly started doing it?

Original poster
Hevviie · 12/03/2023 22:09

I mean I'm not an amazing cook but I know how to make roasties crispy, and I make an effort...I think the fact that he doesn't do it in restaurants proves that he knows it's unacceptable. I don't think he'd do it in front of Beyoncé.

OP posts:
Mumsanetta · 12/03/2023 22:10

Grim. I just wouldn’t cook for someone who treated my hard work and effort in making a meal for them this way. Yes, he’s entitled to eat however he likes but you’re also entitled to refuse to cook for someone who mushes up the food you make until it resembles the contents of their stomach. Yuck.

BeatrixFranklin · 12/03/2023 22:10

DD’s partner does this with steak pie or anything in gravy, everything is mashed with the back of his fork into a heap on his plate. DH and I don’t eat with them as it makes me feel ill, it’s revolting imo.

Donnashair · 12/03/2023 22:13

Hevviie · 12/03/2023 21:58

Ok I accept the charge of being overly dramatic. It defo is more like 'what's the point in me cooking when it's going to be instantly destroyed?'

Then don’t do it.

Or do it because you prefer your meal, how you intended it to be eaten.

You know how he eats his food. If you put loads of effort in, it’s either for you and others or doing it pointlessly. But you know in advance.

So if you choose to still do it, that’s on you.

Needmorelego · 12/03/2023 22:14

On the rare occasion I would have roast potatoes I mash them up. I much prefer mashed potato.
Have you asked him "would you prefer mash or roasties?".
You might think they are wonderful and crispy but he might simply prefer mash.

Todaynotalways · 12/03/2023 22:17

Is he Scottish? Sounds like a bùrach.

JustAnotherManicNameChange · 12/03/2023 22:18

Are his teeth ok? My dad used to do that at home as he used to have really bad teeth (some missing, some wobbly, abscess,cavities ,inflamed gums etc) so it was very painful for him to eat properly. Plus the crispy bits would poke at or get stuck in his already inflamed and sore gums. He'd make an effort in restaurants and at other people's houses, but ate less and didn't really enjoy it.

Since he wasn't always like this could it be something like that and he's too embarrassed to tell you?

Have you asked him why he does it?

Fluffygreenslippers · 12/03/2023 22:18

Gross. What does he do if you give him pizza?

Unananana · 12/03/2023 22:19

I'd blend his dinner and present it in a plastic bowl with a toddler spoon or in a beaker with a straw.

If he protests just say, 'well you were gonna do it anyway, now I don't have to watch you do it'.

Then never cook for him shag him again. Sounds absolutely revolting.

LexMitior · 12/03/2023 22:20

Good god. Stop cooking anything decent. Assuming he's got his own teeth he can chew.

Sux2buthen · 12/03/2023 22:21

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Autism or man baby. Lovely

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 12/03/2023 22:21

Unananana · 12/03/2023 22:19

I'd blend his dinner and present it in a plastic bowl with a toddler spoon or in a beaker with a straw.

If he protests just say, 'well you were gonna do it anyway, now I don't have to watch you do it'.

Then never cook for him shag him again. Sounds absolutely revolting.

My thoughts exactly!

Original poster
Hevviie · 12/03/2023 22:21

JustAnotherManicNameChange · 12/03/2023 22:18

Are his teeth ok? My dad used to do that at home as he used to have really bad teeth (some missing, some wobbly, abscess,cavities ,inflamed gums etc) so it was very painful for him to eat properly. Plus the crispy bits would poke at or get stuck in his already inflamed and sore gums. He'd make an effort in restaurants and at other people's houses, but ate less and didn't really enjoy it.

Since he wasn't always like this could it be something like that and he's too embarrassed to tell you?

Have you asked him why he does it?

No he's not the type to be embarrassed, he'd DEFO tell me if he was in pain (many times)....I've asked him why he does it and he just says he likes it that way. It all ends up the same etc. Bonkers.

OP posts:
TheCatterall · 12/03/2023 22:22

Purée all his food @Hevviie and dish it up like that for him so he has no choice on how his food is served. I mean it’s all together so he’ll be perfectly happy right? If he doesn’t do it when out, doesn’t do it at work.. then is he doing it to upset you? Would he do it at home if you cooked and he had his family or friends around?

to me - if that’s how he genuinely prefers to eat then he’d do it all the time. Not just at home.

Original poster
Hevviie · 12/03/2023 22:23

Ok I'll start looking into divorce proceedings tomorrow. Thanks all x

OP posts:
Hotvimto3 · 12/03/2023 22:23

This would give me the ick and i would be very embarrassed at dinner parties/restaurants/weddings.

I actually know someone who does this funnily enough, they take it one step further with the grossness and use the chicken leg bone to scoop it up rather than a knife and fork. It was actually really revolting to watch.

Buy him baby jars and make him sit on a high chair away from you whilst you enjoy your roast like a grown up.

Hotvimto3 · 12/03/2023 22:23

RosesAndHellebores · 12/03/2023 22:04

Grounds for divorce imo

Ha ha 😂

midlifecrash · 12/03/2023 22:24

Does he do it with all food - fish and chips, spaghetti, quiche? Or is it triggered by gravy?

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