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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To hate that my husband does this

264 replies

Hevviie · 12/03/2023 21:52

My husband has a mad food habit (imo) that drives me crazy, but he thinks is absolutely fine. Basically whatever he eats he mashes all together with a fork until it's just a pile of mush. He insists that it's no different to eating the foods individually but to me it's just mad. Like I'll cook a whole roast with lovely crispy roast potatoes and he'll mash them to smithereens with everything else and it honestly makes my heart hurt. He thinks it's none of my business how he eats, maybe he's right. What do you think?

OP posts:
AlecTrevelyan006 · 12/03/2023 23:02

LTB

HaggisBurger · 12/03/2023 23:08

Hevviie · 12/03/2023 22:38

Yes this! I defo feel like it's a me problem and i don't think I can force him to change. I think I'll have to make him cook more and then I won't be so bothered what he did with it. And then when he cooks for me I'll just throw it against the wall and lick it off and tell him it all goes the same way

Show quote history

No I genuinely don’t think you should accept this as a “you” problem. It’s objectively rude at best and utterly revolting at worst.

IF he did it at restaurants and had done so from your first date then I’d be inclined to think that you needed to suck it.

But I’d be pointing out that he knows better than to do it in public so why is he showing random
people in restaurants more respect than you. It upsets you - you cook his dinner. A decent person would take that on board.

And as for “it ends up like that anyway”. Ffs what is he 11? Tell him it ends up as faeces - but you haven’t served him that. Yet.

Try videoing him and show him how awful it looks.

LTB

Original poster
Hevviie · 12/03/2023 23:09

Haha I'm loving the range of advice, totally accept that it's his food his business, but also it's disgusting and gross and I should never have sex with him again. You can understand my quandary.

We do have a 1 year old daughter and they adore each other so I'm not sure she'd ever forgive me if I told her this was the reason I left 😂

OP posts:
HaggisBurger · 12/03/2023 23:13

Hevviie · 12/03/2023 23:09

Haha I'm loving the range of advice, totally accept that it's his food his business, but also it's disgusting and gross and I should never have sex with him again. You can understand my quandary.

We do have a 1 year old daughter and they adore each other so I'm not sure she'd ever forgive me if I told her this was the reason I left 😂

She’ll soon forget him if you go now. Plus she probably has better table manners than him already … 😉

Eyerollcentral · 12/03/2023 23:15

Hevviie · 12/03/2023 21:52

My husband has a mad food habit (imo) that drives me crazy, but he thinks is absolutely fine. Basically whatever he eats he mashes all together with a fork until it's just a pile of mush. He insists that it's no different to eating the foods individually but to me it's just mad. Like I'll cook a whole roast with lovely crispy roast potatoes and he'll mash them to smithereens with everything else and it honestly makes my heart hurt. He thinks it's none of my business how he eats, maybe he's right. What do you think?

That would make me feel physically sick. It’s disgusting behaviour and wouldn’t be acceptable from a 4 year old. I couldn’t eat near anyone who ate like that. And it’s incredibly rude to you as the cook

GarlicGrace · 12/03/2023 23:16

It's obvious. Feed him a predictable diet of shepherd's pie, fish pie and pasta bakes. All pre-mushed food that lends itself very conveniently to batch cooking & freezing in reheatable portions. You have whatever you fancy! DD will soon be old enough to enjoy food that has edges, and why not invite friends over anyway?

Mush man gets mush, you get edges 😁

Schmutter · 12/03/2023 23:17

I'd struggle to get past this - it's so utterly unattractive. A grown adult having to mash up his food?

Maybe just buy baby food for him?

Sweetmotherofallthatisholyabov · 12/03/2023 23:18

My brother used to do this. He'd mash his food and shovel it down. He was always the first finished. But he's recently left a career where he'd rarely get a break and do insane shifts. And he's stopped doing it. So we are now wondering if it's related.

Original poster
Hevviie · 12/03/2023 23:20

Interesting that there are so many secret mushers out there haunting us all!

OP posts:
PyongyangKipperbang · 12/03/2023 23:20

I tend to do this.....sorry!

Its a texture thing. I have always done it but since I developed an ED, it has got worse. I dont do it in public because I know its not a done thing, but then I try not to eat in public either so the odd time (maybe two or three times a year) I can manage.

I cook really well, I make a lot of varied and good food for the kids, but I cannot eat it myself. My issues stem from my childhood and I wonder if your DH's maybe too. I mashed up horrible food to make it easier to choke down, not eating everything was a physically punishable offence when I was a kid. My sister also has an ED.....

Rinkydinkydoodle · 12/03/2023 23:24

Bit bizarre. I suppose it’s his dinner, his house too, all that, but 🧐. If it’s any help to you my DH has - within the last couple of years - started to hold his cutlery with what I think of as Postman Pat hands- his thumbs are now way too heavily involved and he squeezes them on the knife-blade/ bowl of the fork. Imagine play-doh fingers, disproportionally enormous and and the cutlery minuscule (neither hands nor cutlery have changed size or shape). He’s pretty dexterous otherwise, and I’ve asked do you do that at client dinners, to which he says no, which begs more
questions, but I really ain’t got the energy.
He’s definitely didn’t do this in the past.
I suppose we should be grateful they’re not squirting it into their heads from a piping bag in a hiding space behind the couch or whatever it is they really want to be doing.

Mothership4two · 12/03/2023 23:25

It would irritate me but wouldn't find it icky unless he was making accompanying slurping sounds. I don't tend to look at DH's food while he's eating tbh. My DF always cuts my spaghetti up into smaller strands which I find annoying and childish so I understand where you are coming from OP.

dropthevipers · 12/03/2023 23:28

Thank christ for that. Thought he had joined Baader-Meinhof or some such.

Original poster
Hevviie · 12/03/2023 23:30

PyongyangKipperbang · 12/03/2023 23:20

I tend to do this.....sorry!

Its a texture thing. I have always done it but since I developed an ED, it has got worse. I dont do it in public because I know its not a done thing, but then I try not to eat in public either so the odd time (maybe two or three times a year) I can manage.

I cook really well, I make a lot of varied and good food for the kids, but I cannot eat it myself. My issues stem from my childhood and I wonder if your DH's maybe too. I mashed up horrible food to make it easier to choke down, not eating everything was a physically punishable offence when I was a kid. My sister also has an ED.....

Oh I'm sorry, that sounds like a lot for you to deal with, I know food issues when young can have a massive effect throughout life. I don't think this is the case with DH, I honestly think he just likes it this way and I really don't! But sending love your way (I'm sure your mashing is a lot less offensive than his!)

OP posts:
MyBrotherIsATit · 12/03/2023 23:30

he has one toddler habit, why not a few more? Nappies? All in one baby grows? Bittie?

Hellybelly84 · 12/03/2023 23:31

Hevviie · 12/03/2023 22:03

No he doesn't do it in restaurants, just my food lol.....I mean I know it's not a divorcing matter or anything but I was just wondering what people think. I really don't remember him doing it when we first got together, defo a case of being 7 years in

I dont think its nice he only does this with your cooking and not at restaurants. Have you asked him why he only does it at home? I wouldn’t want to sit with my Husband doing that, seems very childlike 🥴

Hellybelly84 · 12/03/2023 23:31

MyBrotherIsATit · 12/03/2023 23:30

he has one toddler habit, why not a few more? Nappies? All in one baby grows? Bittie?

😂😂😂

Original poster
Hevviie · 12/03/2023 23:31

MyBrotherIsATit · 12/03/2023 23:30

he has one toddler habit, why not a few more? Nappies? All in one baby grows? Bittie?

I'm scared that he might be on board...

OP posts:
HaggisBurger · 12/03/2023 23:33

Rinkydinkydoodle · 12/03/2023 23:24

Bit bizarre. I suppose it’s his dinner, his house too, all that, but 🧐. If it’s any help to you my DH has - within the last couple of years - started to hold his cutlery with what I think of as Postman Pat hands- his thumbs are now way too heavily involved and he squeezes them on the knife-blade/ bowl of the fork. Imagine play-doh fingers, disproportionally enormous and and the cutlery minuscule (neither hands nor cutlery have changed size or shape). He’s pretty dexterous otherwise, and I’ve asked do you do that at client dinners, to which he says no, which begs more
questions, but I really ain’t got the energy.
He’s definitely didn’t do this in the past.
I suppose we should be grateful they’re not squirting it into their heads from a piping bag in a hiding space behind the couch or whatever it is they really want to be doing.

@Rinkydinkydoodle sorry I am genuinely laughing at ALL of this. But particularly the piping bag visualisation. Thank you. I think.

OheeOheeOh · 12/03/2023 23:34

My 4 year old went through a phase of doing this, we told him to stop. He's 5 now and doesn't do it anymore. Is you husband stuck at aged 4 or something? I couldn't be married to someone with such a weird habit, we wouldn't allow our children to do it, why was he never taught it isn't polite to play with your food? Urgh, a man child, no.

PyongyangKipperbang · 12/03/2023 23:34

Mothership4two · 12/03/2023 23:25

It would irritate me but wouldn't find it icky unless he was making accompanying slurping sounds. I don't tend to look at DH's food while he's eating tbh. My DF always cuts my spaghetti up into smaller strands which I find annoying and childish so I understand where you are coming from OP.

The spaghetti thing could be quite sweet and endearing if he did it when you were a child, mother cut up our spaghetti as kids too. I remember about 10 years ago or so (so I would have been 40 ish) and I was out with my mother. When the green man came on, she took my hand across the road. She just did it on instinct, I was her child and that was her job! I didnt say a word and when we got the to other side she realised and we laughed, although I think she was a bit teary and embarrassed. I said it was nice to know that she still wanted to look after me. (Yes....I had a complicated upbringing...)

weirdoboelady · 12/03/2023 23:34

bizzywiththefizzy · 12/03/2023 22:45

Can I be a fly on the wall when you throw the dinner he has cooked against the wall and lick it off 😆.

This sounds distinctly pervy. Do you want to be eaten?

OP, I had an uncle who used to do this. Watching him eat, when I was a child, made me feel physically sick. I sympathise, even though a) your husband is actually right of course, and b) I do mash roasties up into ... I can't eat gravy, but into mint sauce or whatever juices are around.

StClare101 · 12/03/2023 23:37

Gross. It would put me off my own food. It’s hugely insulting too.

Original poster
Hevviie · 12/03/2023 23:37

OheeOheeOh · 12/03/2023 23:34

My 4 year old went through a phase of doing this, we told him to stop. He's 5 now and doesn't do it anymore. Is you husband stuck at aged 4 or something? I couldn't be married to someone with such a weird habit, we wouldn't allow our children to do it, why was he never taught it isn't polite to play with your food? Urgh, a man child, no.

But what would you do if he started doing it a few years in?

OP posts:
ninetieseyebrows · 12/03/2023 23:40

Nope, not for me, YANBU. It's disgusting.
I'd be only cooking meals that he can't do this easily to. Spaghetti bolognaise, pasta, risotto, that kind of thing. Or better yet, tell him to cook!