Searched throw Drs’s girlfriends pocket at found cannabis

[Notagoodtime]

Ds who has just turned 16 has a girlfriend. Don’t really approve as she doesn’t seem a very good influence. Tonight they went out for a walk and when they came back I could smell weed. I know I shouldn’t have but I searched her coat pocket that was hanging in our hall. I found a packet of mostly used weed. What the hell do I do now? I know I’m wrong for searching her pocket but I’m really worried about my son. I have left it on the floor to look like it fell out. AIBU?

Tell your ds that you can smell weed. Don’t say you found it in his gf’s pocket.
let him know about the effects on mental health. Look at the Talk to Frank website for help. All the best. I’ve been there and it’s not easy, but you sound like a great mum.

The overreaction to a bit of weed is shocking. Mental health blah blah, he’s had a joint & he’s a smack head. As previously smoking tobacco is far worse or vaping, alcohol is much more of a concern than the odd joint which causes far more harm than having a bit of skunk. Get a grip people

Keep the weed. Roll yourself a fat one and chill out.

Lighthearted obviously. I don't actually think that you should do that.

Tomorrow when it's not late and everyone is tired tell him you need to have a quick chat.
Then mention that when they came back from their walk you could smell weed on them. He will deny this, but don't go into the whys and where-fors, just keep it factual and tell him you're not going to get in to it all now but you don't expect to smell it again on either you or your GF and you will be keeping an eye on them both
And then leave it at that unless it happens again

A lot of assumptions and projection on this thread!

OP, have a talk with your son - just the two of you or also his other parent, if s/he lives with you. Tell him you smelled cannabis on him and it needs to be discussed. If he smokes regularly or is often around people who do, he may be "noseblind" to the scent and genuinely not realise how immediately recognisable it is to non-smokers, even the traces on clothes and hair.

If he says he doesn't smoke, he only tried it once, girlfriend had a few puffs but he didn't, they ran into some friends who were smoking but didn't smoke themselves, etc., don't argue. Since you've never discussed this before, your goal is not to punish him for whatever he's already done, but to make sure he's aware of the risks and to make it clear what your rules are - for example, no smoking in the house, no one brings drugs into the house, etc. (And if he is smoking, try not to blame the girlfriend - even if she smokes like a chimney, he can choose not to join in.)

As far as your friends' children, it doesn't really matter what they do and no one here can know. Cannabis smoking is common among some groups of teens, others consider it gross, unnecessary, or passé. Since it seems like your son might be smoking or interested in smoking, the best you can do is get informed about the downsides and risks and get the topic out in the open. Good luck!

Just put it back and don’t mention finding it. I wouldn’t panic, kids do this stuff. You need to talk to them. Try to work out if is just an occasional thing, or is it a regular occurrence. Don’t go mental at them or they will just lie. If you think it’s just something they have tried once or twice I wouldn’t get too upset. If it’s all the time you need to talk about making better decisions. Just remember you are here to guide them, not make decisions for them.
If you really feel the gf is a bad influence don’t try to stop him seeing her. That will make her all the alluring. Just keep your son busy, so he has less free time to spend with her. Good luck.

also nothing wrong with this advice!!

Skin up and relax mate.

I'm American. Where I live it is basically decriminalized with one state over it perfectly legal. You will be shocked the amount of people, including successful professionals, who consume cannabis. I definitely don't think children should, but you have to be realistic about it and understand that they will experiment.

I'm a teacher. You would not believe how many kids 16-18 smoke weed. Well over half.

Not saying that he should be because I agree that he shouldn't but kids experiment, it's to be expected.

Anyway you seem to be one of these parents that think their son can do no wrong blaming the girl.

When I was 17 I had a bf who smoked (I did not). He would keep his cigarettes in my bag. My mum went searching one day and was horrified... to this day 15 years later still doesn't believe me when I say they weren't mine.

Exactly this. My kids are totally honest with me – even about things I don't condone – as I can't keep liars safe.

Anyway, I know 9/10 of their friend's parents would say their kids don't take drugs: I know for a fact they do. Far moreso, in fari riskier situations, than my own children.

I also know that we've rescued their kids from dangerous situations because they couldn't be honest with their own parents for fear of retribution.

An awkward spot, for sure.

I think you sound quite naive OP and possibly quite a sheltered upbringing ?

My kids are all mid 20s so I am probably at least a decade older than you (late 50s) .. and I and most of my peers smoked weed in our teens.. as did my kids. The really important thing here is communication, and some facts.

The vast majority (like me and mine) grow out of it and go on to Uni, good careers and happy relationships. There are some serious concerns though and that is to do with the thc content of today's cannabis.. which has been linked to mental health problems. However, the same can be said for alcohol. It's all about how much, how often and if it's being used as a crutch to avoid dealing with psychological issues .

Try to get him to talk without assuming a bit of weed is going to ruin his life. Bear in mind if he is going to do it he will do it and there is nothing you can do to prevent. The best you can do is to work hard to create an environment where you at least know what is going on the majority of the time.

It just a bit of weed - I think you should keep things in perspective.

It turns invisible

She brought drugs into your house so YANBU to have gone through her pockets imo.

Just speak to your son and educate him on the perils of drugs, expense, affects on mental health etc.

Get him to watch the classic "Reefer Madness"

Out of interest OP, did you check your son's pockets?

Yes I checked his pockets too! Little update I’ve now found out that his girlfriend has had a drug problem for 2 years! It’s very sad but I don’t want it to being my son down too.

Hope you and your son does not condone a trade where young men are killed and many die in countries such as Mexico. Be supportive if your DS ends the relationship which I hope he does.

@Notagoodtime

Is your son claiming to have never smoked it then?

No I know he has smoked it but not until recently ….

You shouln't berifling through other folks pockets. But its done now. I wouldn't allow her back in the house.

@Notagoodtime it's your job to speak to your son and tell him not to be such a sheep. Although now he's also used it, his friends mums when they find out will feel the same way you do about his GF. That he is the bad influence if they find out that he has already smoked weed.

You are aware skunk is not the same as weed right? It is not harmful, it is herbal and medicinal and more importantly regulated in most countries.. OP is absolutely overreacting and a helicopter parent. Also, how on earth does she know the 'weed' isn't her sons? I remember a lot of girls being forced to carry drugs for their partners in my area as a teenager. I have studied my masters in biochemistry and would happily open my own pharmacy when legalized, please do your research before giving false information in future.

You know the OP has no way of knowing if it’s skunk or weed right? You know even where it is legalised and regulated you can’t legally purchase it at 16 right? You know there are endless studies on weed psychosis right? Please join us in the real world whenever you’re ready.