Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Searched throw Drs’s girlfriends pocket at found cannabis

165 replies

Notagoodtime · 12/03/2023 19:30

Ds who has just turned 16 has a girlfriend. Don’t really approve as she doesn’t seem a very good influence. Tonight they went out for a walk and when they came back I could smell weed. I know I shouldn’t have but I searched her coat pocket that was hanging in our hall. I found a packet of mostly used weed. What the hell do I do now? I know I’m wrong for searching her pocket but I’m really worried about my son. I have left it on the floor to look like it fell out. AIBU?

OP posts:
londonrach · 12/03/2023 21:24

Wow you crossed a line... .

Branleuse · 12/03/2023 21:25

Its pretty commonplace for 16 year olds to smoke weed occasionally. I think youre overreacting

MyStarBoy · 12/03/2023 21:26

YANBU
I don't blame you. You can't just turn off your protective motherly instincts once they get to 16.

My DS is the same age, and from what I gather it's pretty much everywhere.

I think like others have said, pick your moment and talk to him.

Try not to lay down the law, but speak to him like an adult and point out the potential dangers. Try to steer him to educate himself via UTube - my son did this and he learnt a lot about its dangers from young adults nearer to his generation that he could relate to.

Good luck, I do feel for you.

Smineusername · 12/03/2023 21:28

It's very common but still potentially very harmful to your son and his future. I think I would try to do a bit of research yourself online before talking to him about it (think the govt website is Ask Frank). You want to be calm and treat him like an adult but at the same time try to convey, adult to adult, that, aside from the potential risks to lung health and brain development, smoking weed regularly numbs you to your own feelings and emotions and can affect your motivation to embrace challenges and to succeed

Porkandbeans1 · 12/03/2023 21:29

My DC smoked a little cannabis at around that age. I didn't make it a big deal, they were honest with me and it never became a habit. They're now at uni and doing well in life. It's really not a big deal.

Your behaviour has been terrible. I would put the bag back and keep quiet.

Eyerollcentral · 12/03/2023 21:32

Notagoodtime · 12/03/2023 19:59

Ok that is what I suppose I’m getting at. None of my friends kids smoke let alone smoke cannabis. I’ve never tried it and I’m shocked. Do all your kids do it?

Show quote history

How the hell do you know they don’t???

Socrateswasrightaboutvoting · 12/03/2023 21:35

Notagoodtime · 12/03/2023 19:59

Ok that is what I suppose I’m getting at. None of my friends kids smoke let alone smoke cannabis. I’ve never tried it and I’m shocked. Do all your kids do it?

Show quote history

They are likley better at hiding it rather than not going it.

MissConductUS · 12/03/2023 21:35

It's legal in most of the US and less dangerous than alcohol. Discuss it with your son. I think that most young people try it. I did it ages ago and didn't care for it, so it didn't become a habit.

Eyerollcentral · 12/03/2023 21:35

Notagoodtime · 12/03/2023 20:15

Ok I’ve put the packet back in the pocket. What do I do now? The worst we ever did as kids was to have a swig of cider. Smoking weed seems so serious. I’m so worried that he will harming his brain and the increasing his chances of psychosis…

Just say I could smell the weed off your girlfriend’s coat, what’s going on? Then take it from there. You don’t need to tell him you haven’t a clue about drugs.

Plodstop · 12/03/2023 21:38

Why should OP have weed on her property if she doesn't want it there?

I probably would have done the same. Her property, her rules.

Oakorn · 12/03/2023 21:38

What you’ve done is far, far worse than what she’s done. You should be more worried about your influence on him.

marblemad · 12/03/2023 21:39

Firstly, you seem naïve to assume it isn't your sons or that he isn't also smoking it like her. Secondly, what an awful breach of privacy, you seem like one of those mums that is far too clingy to her son. Thirdly, it is not a harmful drug nor is it dangerous or a gateway drug.

determinedtomakethiswork · 12/03/2023 21:40

This happened with my son and some new friends. I hadn't noticed until then, but he wasn't mixing with his old friends. I told him by text, as I found it when he was out of the house, that if I saw any of those boys anywhere near my house again I would call the police. Everything went very very well. The boys didn't bother with him after that and his old friends came back to him. They had been scared of the new boys.

I'm not sure if your position, but I know that happened with him because I was a single mum and there was no man there to deal with it.

ThePoshUns · 12/03/2023 21:44

LikeTearsInRain · 12/03/2023 21:15

Smoke week every day 🌿🌿

Clearly

notacooldad · 12/03/2023 21:47

Love how everyone is more concerned about the OP searching the pocket rather
than children taking weed.
To be honest if I was the girls mum I would be furious with you.
Her having weed and a boyfriends mum going through her pockets are two separate issues. All op needed to do was say she could smell weed and start the cono from there instead of snooping.

GatoradeMeBitch · 12/03/2023 21:48

After she's gone home, just tell him you could smell weed on them when they came in. Then you can talk to him about it.

GoAgainstNicki · 12/03/2023 21:49

Swiftswatch · 12/03/2023 19:42

Of course, it absolutely must be her being the ‘bad influence’ on your darling boy.

Right!

DarkShade · 12/03/2023 21:49

Ok, I'm pretty anti drugs, but you need to calm down OP. First, at least some of your friends' kids almost certainly smoke weed, they just don't tell their parents. I smoked weed at 16. Not all the time, and socially rather than by myself. My mum had no idea. I was a straight A student, stopped smoking it at around 18, and am a perfectly functioning member of society now some 15 years later.

Talk to him. The real problems are if it's frequent, if they're dependent on it, and if they keep smoking it into adulthood. Quantity and frequency matter in my opinion. Among my friends from back then, the real difference was who made it a lifestyle and who just smoked casually with friends. It has been life ruining for quite a few in the first group, but all in the second group outgrew it quickly and are fine as adults.

FfeminyddCymraeg · 12/03/2023 21:49

My DD is 15 and most of her classmates have tried weed (naice Catholic school too).

DD tried it once and had whitey so is now thinks it’s the devils work 😄

I would say it’s fairly normal (IME) at this age and he’s unlikely to be shooting up in a car park because he’s had a few spliffs. Try not to fret too much OP.

Eyerollcentral · 12/03/2023 21:51

marblemad · 12/03/2023 21:39

Firstly, you seem naïve to assume it isn't your sons or that he isn't also smoking it like her. Secondly, what an awful breach of privacy, you seem like one of those mums that is far too clingy to her son. Thirdly, it is not a harmful drug nor is it dangerous or a gateway drug.

It absolutely is a harmful drug especially for teenage boys. We aren’t talking about the mild hash most of us smoked as a teen. The skunk now is grown to blow your head off. It’s really bad for teenage boys to be smoking weed regularly, the OP is right to be concerned. Read up on cannabis psychosis.

redskylight · 12/03/2023 21:54

notacooldad · 12/03/2023 21:47

Love how everyone is more concerned about the OP searching the pocket rather
than children taking weed.
To be honest if I was the girls mum I would be furious with you.
Her having weed and a boyfriends mum going through her pockets are two separate issues. All op needed to do was say she could smell weed and start the cono from there instead of snooping.

If she was going to start searching pockets, why didn't she go through her son's pockets as well? OP just doesn't want this nasty drug taking girl near her precious DS (new flash- unlikely she was smoking round him and he wasn't partaking)

Eyerollcentral · 12/03/2023 21:57

redskylight · 12/03/2023 21:54

If she was going to start searching pockets, why didn't she go through her son's pockets as well? OP just doesn't want this nasty drug taking girl near her precious DS (new flash- unlikely she was smoking round him and he wasn't partaking)

Show quote history

I don’t want to sound like I had a misspent youth but from err books I have read it would have been fairly common for girls to put anything in their pocket or usually side zipable pocket of a handbag as they would be less likely (in the past at least) to be searched by any passing peelers

pinkstripeycat · 12/03/2023 21:58

Anotherturnipforthebooks · Today 19:56
Loads of teenagers smoke weed. Don't overreact - just talk to him.

My God! Have you any idea at all how dangerous weed is for teenagers? It’s a proven face that huge damage is caused to the brain by those smoking weed any time between the ages of 15 to 21. It can and often does cause paranoia, anxiety, depression, problems in brain development and brain function.
This comes from someone who actually has a clue. DON’T play down the effects of week on teenagers!
People like you are what’s wrong with the world.
OP, you are right to worry

pinkstripeycat · 12/03/2023 21:59
  • proven fact
pinkstripeycat · 12/03/2023 22:00

Thirdly, it is not a harmful drug nor is it dangerous or a gateway drug.

It very much is both!