Searched throw Drs’s girlfriends pocket at found cannabis

[Notagoodtime]

Ds who has just turned 16 has a girlfriend. Don’t really approve as she doesn’t seem a very good influence. Tonight they went out for a walk and when they came back I could smell weed. I know I shouldn’t have but I searched her coat pocket that was hanging in our hall. I found a packet of mostly used weed. What the hell do I do now? I know I’m wrong for searching her pocket but I’m really worried about my son. I have left it on the floor to look like it fell out. AIBU?

Completely unacceptable to search her pockets. Put it back where you found it and talk to your son if you're worried.

Yes. It's very common, more than you realise.

It's not for me, though I know plenty of professional adults who smoke weed.

I'm not trying to underplay the harm it can do, and the potential to move on to more serious drugs, but the odd spliff, if that's all it is, isn't the end of the world.

Most people grow out of that stage, but I can imagine how attractive it is to a 16 year old.

Talk to your son in a sensible calm manner.

Love how everyone is more concerned about the OP searching the pocket rather than children taking weed.

How do you know your friends' kids haven't smoked weed? It's not generally something kids tell their parents.

No experience of teens apart from being one and I smoked weed on and off up to my mid 20s. Not a great habit but it's normally a phase for most.

Because she's here.

If the son was here asking I guarantee we'd be having the conversation with him his mother should be having. She's here asking so she's getting the advice.

As for this:

None of my friends kids smoke let alone smoke cannabis.

You sweet summer child.

😂How do you know none of your friend's kids smoke weed?

You've left it on the floor....with a view to what? Him being even more secretive/careful? Or maybe he'll spontaneously have an open and honest conversation with you.

I can understand your concern if you think your son is smoking weed. Dont blame GF. It's everywhere. It's a real menace.

Your line about 'used weed' is confusing. Used weed is erm ash! Get yourself educated. This is a good place to start www.talktofrank.com/

Resist the urge to jump in until you have a plan. He knows weed is bad. He also knows it feels good. Does he have social anxiety? ADHD? Lots of other factors can influence....but resist blaming his girl friend.

Your behaviour is absolutely outrageous. How dare you go through someone’s pockets without their knowledge or permission. She has more right to be wary of you than the other way round, you absolute fruitloop.

Have a chat about the very real danger of weed. But also accept that he's a teenager and teenagers explore alcohol, sex and drugs. There's not a lot you can do about it.
A lot of us have been there, as both teenage explorer and as worried parent!

Educate. Advise. But don't interfere.
Be calm and approachable.

I suppose I don’t but when I’ve chatted they have all said that their kids are all very anti drugs and would never touch any drugs let along smoke. In fact one of the kids reported other kids in school for vaping …

I have left it on the floor to look like it fell out.

Why?
Really, FFS, why?

Not only have you gone through a guest's pockets, now you;re playing passive-aggressive games because you;re unable to open a direct adult conversation about the weed you smelled?

OP be in no doubt, weed at that age is VERY common.

And you believe them? Are you really that gullible? Of course your friends say their kids are above reproach, just like you thought yours was…

Oh, your friends tell you their kids tell them they don't smoke.
That's a dead cert then.

As to the vape-snitch ... maybe you should get rid of your child & his "bad influence" g/f & adopt that one instead.

Just so you know @Notagoodtime plenty of kids smoke weed but not cigarettes. They could be rolling it with rizzlas and tobacco or even neat or in pipes, bongs etc.
When I was younger it was fags then cannabis. Many jump straight to cannabis now

You crossed a line and I can guarantee they were both smoking it so stop blaming the gf.
You sound very overprotective and it's going to backfire if he can't trust you he's going to hide more than a bit of weed from you 🤷‍♀️

Ok I’ve put the packet back in the pocket. What do I do now? The worst we ever did as kids was to have a swig of cider. Smoking weed seems so serious. I’m so worried that he will harming his brain and the increasing his chances of psychosis…

I would have a heart to heart with your ds about the effects of smoking cannabis. You don't have to tell him you have seen the evidence, just that the smell was pungent enough. I live in a city which stinks of weed, the smell comes up through the grids in the city centre, and I can't open my windows without the smell drifting in, which is disgusting, it smells like cat litter.
From what I have read and heard about cannabis, it can ruin your digestion and causes paranoia, and your son needs to know the effects of using it.

Oh OP, calm down.

If he is smoking a bit of puff then so what. I’d only be concerned if he starts to change or if he shows any bad behaviour.

I smoked a bit in my younger days, but then stopped when I got a bit older.

I know people who have smoked it for years, all normal functioning people.

There is a middle ground between being freaked out and being cool with this. I'd be pretty pissed off that a visitor brought this into my home and wouldn't be impressed with the pair of them. I would be clear this is not ok with you but see what he has to say about it. It is scary and a shock for you but try not to scroll forward to the worst case scenario.

First, calm down so that you can talk to him sensibly.

I had the same situation with my son at that age - a couple of times I got a whiff of cannabis as I went up or down stairs. I asked my son if he was using it and he denied. I said exactly what you just wrote - that it’s harmful to a developing brain; asked him to google it and perhaps leave it alone until he finished his education, because by then a little social smoking wouldn’t be harmful.

A couple of hours later he found me to admit it, apologised for disrespecting my house and said he would dispose of the rest. I believe the lack of drama when questioned and factual info (which he did google) allowed him to reflect and make his decision rather than doubling down on it after a row.

These posts are insane. She has drugs in your house! Folk are caring about you searching the pocket a of someone who had no problem bringing drugs into your house. Folk are very naive of they don’t know the harm that cannabis can cause. I’m mega easy going normally but she’s be out the door in ten seconds flat if it were me along with her drugs. Because that’s what they are, drugs.

Why didn't you search your son's pockets too?
You had no right to go through his girlfriend's pockets.
Sadly a lot of teens smoke cannabis ( my son certainly did).
I hate it, and have seen the awful
effect it can have in MH ( not my son thankfully)
You need to calm down and have an adult conversation with your son when appropriate to.

Where are you that she went out for a walk in the evening and didn’t take her coat??