Searched throw Drs’s girlfriends pocket at found cannabis

[Notagoodtime]

Ds who has just turned 16 has a girlfriend. Don’t really approve as she doesn’t seem a very good influence. Tonight they went out for a walk and when they came back I could smell weed. I know I shouldn’t have but I searched her coat pocket that was hanging in our hall. I found a packet of mostly used weed. What the hell do I do now? I know I’m wrong for searching her pocket but I’m really worried about my son. I have left it on the floor to look like it fell out. AIBU?

Oh bugger off all of you who have criticised OP for this. She reacted in fear for her child and this is what happened. She probably doesn't feel proud of herself for doing it. Leave her alone if you can't support her.

Defo agree with chatting with your son about this. He's 16? It's not the end of the world if he experiments with a bit of weed. Let him know that you support him and love him.

I dont disagree, but I have lost count how many times parents complain teenage boys are a bad influence the precious daughters

Op what you did was appalling

I'd've gone off my dinger and severely bollocked the pair of them for bringing drugs into my house. And the girl would've been told to leave in no uncertain terms.

My kids know I have a zero tolerance policy of drugs in my house. I don't care if "all teenagers" do it.

Sorry if that's not cool.

You don't have to admit to having found it but you can say it's obvious from the smell. Talk to your son. He's a child so you have every right to guide him. You don't have to be too heavy handed, a light touch enough. Explain it's not legal and not a good idea and he shouldn't be influenced by her. Then just wait. Relationships at that age seldom last long.

I smoked weed when I was 14/15/16 - never bought it myself but would have some when friends did. I did it because it made me feel cool if I’m completely honest, but the excitement of it wore off by my late teens and I’ve not touched it since. It was quite common amongst my friends but our parents didn’t ever find out!

I’d definitely have a word with your son. Don’t question him on it, instead approach it as fact and tell him you’re worried about him and the effects etc. Make sure he knows you’re always there to talk about things, you don’t want to give him reasons to hide things from you.

I hope you’re ok though, I know things like this come as a shock and it’s natural to be worried. But remember than weed isn’t always a gateway drug to worse, honestly I’d say about 90% of my friends have done it and we’re all pretty normal and successful adults now!

Dear OP

You’re going to get lots of posts telling you to calm down….it’s only weed it’s not the end of the world….

but please have a serious talk with him about this, I’ve worked with adults suffering substance abuse and I’ve seen first hand what damage weed can do. This is not a drug a child with a developing brain should be touching.

I do think you were over the line searching her pockets but you can however make it very clear to both of them that your house is a no drugs zone.

best of luck with your son, it can be worrying! X

This.

Lots of teenagers smoke weed, they usually grow out of it. You sound a little bit bonkers!

YABU.

Sure you weren't the one smoking it? As your thread title is very difficult to understand.😕

It was fine to look through her pockets - not mental at all because you could smell the bloody drugs.

Not sure why anyone thinks it's ok to bring illegal drugs into someone's home. The OP could smell them ffs. I'd be absolutely furious, mainly because I'd worry my dog would get hold of it but also as I'm not a criminal.

I'd tell your ds: look it's obvious you've been smoking weed as I can smell it on you both. It's illegal and you are an idiot if you risk being caught with it. Maybe some education about where there are drugs, there is violence. Where does he think the cannabis was grown? Does he not understand criminal gangs etc? What a bloody fuckwit. I'd be so fucking angry if my teens did this.

I dont know anyone who didnt try it at that age (not promoting it, just stating fact). I hate drugs and i’ll do my best to steer my kids away from them, but they are highly likely to try it at some point in their teens (even if its only once). Its the conversation you have with your Son that counts. Do not mention you went in her pocket, put it back and talk to him at a quiet moment that you smelt it when he came in and explain calmly how you feel about drugs.

Calm down its weed not heroin it should be legalised in my opinion

I am in disbelief that you think an actual crime is OK (possession of a class B drug) but you think a concerned adult looking in a teenager's coat pocket when they are not even wearing it and it is in their house AND OP can smell drugs is mental/bonkers.

There is the small matter of the law.

If you've never tried it, and have no experience of it, how do you know what it smells like? I had genuinely never encountered it, and wouldn't have had a clue how it smelled until I had teenagers who enlightened me.

So you've never broke the law 🤔 gone over the speed limit, hit or threatened anyone, drank, smoked or had sex underage, or ever tried a drug

Tbh I wouldn't be thrilled at anyone bringing weed into my house because it stinks and that would of been the conversation starter for me.

I wouldn't of gone through her pockets.

Well said. I’ve have asked her to leave and given him a bollocking. Mine know ours is a drug-free house.

I don’t give a toss about being seen as cool. Anyone who thinks it’s harmless is being very naive.

My approach with my boy when he was that age was to tell him that I would rather know what he was doing/taking/smoking so if anything went wrong I could help him. This in sharp contrast to my mother who did what you did and searched my room/clothes/bags constantly and when she found weed she called the police! All that did was to make me more secretive, it certainly did not stop me.

Searching anyone's possessions is a major invasion of privacy.

My son did partake and told me, I would have rather he didn't. But at least I could help if something happened that was out of control and he wasn't living a secret life because he was scared of my reaction.

Get educated. Don't leap to assumptions and encourage him (and her) to talk about what they are up to in a way that they know they are safe. It's safety we want so talk from that standpoint not from horror fear or judgement.

Smoke week every day 🌿🌿

Listen- I understand that you are probably a bit worried about your son, but weed is not the end of the world.

I think leave it alone. In a couple of days when it’s just you and him you can mention that you smelt it and try to instigate a conversation. However I think being too pushy/authoritarian/clingy/overprotection will back fire, so take it easy.

I wouldn’t panic OP. Just have a sensible conversation about staying safe, the potential dangers and the importance of prioritising studies and life. Weed is becoming legal in an increasing number of countries/states. All of my teenage friends tried weed and we are all successful professionals now. My mum believes I’ve never smoked a cigarette (mid 30s).

I plan to be much more open about drugs to my kids and explain how to stay safe but also be realistic that they’ll want to experiment and that that’s ok. Humans have been taking mind altering substances for all of history, alcohol and tobacco are just one of these.

*just some of these (I promise all that teenage weed hasn’t had a negative impact lol 🤣)

I'd have a conversation about it with you son but don't go in all guns blazing assuming he's got a drug problem because he might have smoked a joint.

If you're aware that this girl is,say, bunking off school and not giving a shit about her future etc, yes, I might worry about her influence on him and whether drugs might be an problematic issue and more than the occasional social smoke.
If they're both doing OK socially and academically, then I don't really think the odd joint is a problem - I went to a very good school and plenty of people I knew smoked it quite regularly without going off the rails or failing their exams.

But obviously if you're not comfortable with it, you are his mum and entitled to say that you smelt evidence of it and you're not happy about him smoking it.

Who the fuck goes through someone else’s pockets? Have you no boundaries at all OP?

What the hell am I reading?! Do the majority of posters seriously think that searching through the pockets of a coat is worse than bringing weed into the house at 16?
The op is looking out for her son. Weed is not like it was 30 years ago. It’s stronger, more addictive and if I smelled it on either of my teenage kids, you can bet I’d be looking for the evidence and having a serious chat with them.