Searched throw Drs’s girlfriends pocket at found cannabis

[Notagoodtime]

Ds who has just turned 16 has a girlfriend. Don’t really approve as she doesn’t seem a very good influence. Tonight they went out for a walk and when they came back I could smell weed. I know I shouldn’t have but I searched her coat pocket that was hanging in our hall. I found a packet of mostly used weed. What the hell do I do now? I know I’m wrong for searching her pocket but I’m really worried about my son. I have left it on the floor to look like it fell out. AIBU?

Yeah... it's not really a gateway drug though. It is a drug, and some people will go on to use other stuff. Most people won't though.

Every heroin user I have ever worked with has smoked cannabis.
Not every cannabis user goes on to use heroin.

Put it back otherwise your son will stop trusting you. You know what he is up to, just talk to him as an adult saying you smelled a whiff of weed when you passed the coat.

whatever people may say, it is good you are aware now he is using it, but be tactful on how you manage the subject and above all, don’t tell him you searched her pockets.

I understand the PP saying it’s ok, lots do it and don’t look through g/fs pockets. However, you’re bound to be concerned and some are a bit harsh - you just wanted (needed) to know and also to know what is in your home - not entirely unreasonable really.
I do have a family member who only partakes with a certain partner, when they split up it stops and when they’re together it restarts. But obviously it’s also their choice to do so and can’t blame the partner. The reason this is quite clear to family is that they’re very erratic on weed, it doesn’t suit them at all and can make them quite ill. Can you see any different and concerning behaviour in your son directly linked? I’m not passionate about folk using/not using it either way, but I have to say I’ve never seen good outcomes- some immediate and some over time. Maybe I just don’t recognise it is being used for those who maybe aren’t appearing impacted. It is though much stronger stuff nowadays and the way it is grown isn’t ideal for inhaling I believe, so that’s a more recent concern for those smoking.
Unfortunately, I don’t think there’s lots you can do - you can clearly bring it up, you can possibly insist enough on it not being used that you might not smell it again, or have it in the house, but he’s likely just to be more careful. He will also think you just don’t understand and it’s fine. I’d have a chat and then keep a good eye on his behaviour and look to consider other actions if it’s getting detrimental to his health. Hopefully, he’ll stop shortly and it will just be one of those teen try outs. Best of luck.

Not actually legal for the gf to bring illegal drugs into OPs house though was it? Puts OP in a pretty awkward situation if any police dropped by eh.

OP everyone is focusing on the wrong thing. Fuck the search, you smelt something illegal in your house so you checked the place the smell was coming from to see if you were right, fine with me and most parents would do the same, whatever people are saying on here.

The hard question is, what to do about the fact that your son is smoking weed (and if his gf is, he definitely is). I’d suggest you speak to a drugs support charity and ask for advice about what approach might work best with him. I would not tell his school in case they decide he’s dealing and kick him out.

I know weed is fairly common but I also know people who took so much they turned into zombies and messed up their lives, you are right to be concerned. Could you somehow arrange work experience/ volunteering at a charity where he’d meet addicts? I dunno.

@pinkstripeycat

What exactly did I say in that post to provoke your reaction?

Op said she doesn't know of any teenagers that smoke weed, I said that lots do. I think that's just a fact.

I told her to talk to him and not to overreact, I didn't tell her to order him a block of hash for Easter.

Stop being so fucking ridiculous.

Ok that is what I suppose I’m getting at. None of my friends kids smoke let alone smoke cannabis

OP you are extremely naive if you imagine the young people you know dont smoke weed. They'll at least have tried it.

Why are you dithering? Just have a conversation with your son. & as pp's have said, youre wrong for searching his girlfriend's pockets. Why didnt you search your son's pockets too, by the way?

I am very anti-weed. Skunk weed particularly. Its a scourge. But in your shoes I wouldn't be handwringing and thinking a girl has corrupted my son. Theres no way hes innocent, theyre both smoking.

Face up to things and have the conversation.

The girl brought illegal drugs into the OP’s house, and everyone is acting like OP is the bad guy here.

I'd be more concerned about the risk of getting addicted to tobacco, rather than the weed content tbh

Use your words.

Talk to your son, don't diminish your position by letting him know you searched his girlfriends pockets, or that you don't like her.

Speak to him when she's gone - mention that you could smell the weed, be firm you know that is what it was, you're not thick...

Don't slam any doors on him, metaphorically speaking - if you lose your shit, you stop him talking to you and being honest with you.

Despite being an occasional (and I do mean occasional, for anyone following the edibles via online shop thread from a while back I still have most of the bottle I bought then!) cannabis user, I think you need to tread a fine line between 'lose your shit' and 'cool Mom' here.

Some people can absolutely use weed occasionally, with no ill effects, no addiction issues, no psychological problems or depression etc etc. I know, I am one.

Some people will develop all sorts of problems and it will do them no good at all - there is no real way to tell which is which until they start using it... I got lucky there (I didn't with alcohol so I never drink now!)

Unfortunately by the time you do develop problems, those problems make it very hard to stop using weed, and hard to ask for help too.

If you make sure he feels he can talk to you, that he understands the risks, and point out any relevant factors for example, pre-existing mental health problems or physical health problems, that would increase those risks, then you stand a much better chance of him making the right choices, and coming to you if he makes a mistake.

Ultimately you can't stop him trying it and using it, all you can do is be there and help him navigate through it.

You don't have to let either of them know you searched her pockets as the stuff stinks to high heaven it'd probably be impossible not to notice it, unless you had zero sense of smell.

Roll a joint?

What gives you the right to go through hrr pockets?! Your ds is responsible for his own behaviour/actions, it’s a bit of weed ffs & nobody has mostly used weed left. Leave them alone, you sound ridiculous

I can not believe you searched her jacket!!!

Also as a teenager anything we shouldn't be having we would give to our friend when we got home as we knew our parents wouldn't search them and vice versa if I went to a friends house, the cigarettes she smoked I would put in my pocket because her parents wouldn't check them. I bet you your son didn't think you would check his girlfriend's belongings so think very hard before you go putting all the blame on her

She is the ‘bad guy’ for going through her son’s girlfriend’s pockets. Would you have been happy about that as a 16 year old? Leave the drugs out of it, it is massively overstepping the line. I wouldn’t dream of doing this. If she could smell the weed that’s all she needed to say. I honestly don’t see how you cannot possibly see a problem here.

This is what I did with my sons. I told them the dangers of drugs but you can't stop them taking them. I also told them I'd never be angry if they take something and have a reaction. I'd rather know what they've taken and be able to react appropriately (and if necessary tell medical professionals)
I also pick them up and look after them if they drink too much (choking on vomit is a major fear)
They have tried various drugs and I think they smoke weed occasionally but generally they are sensible. I don't encourage drug use and I don't want them to do drugs.
My parents were the opposite and went mental at anything like this. I smoked the odd joint but never tried anything stronger, apart from speed which did not go down well. I was in a bad way and couldn't tell them why I was so anxious and I wish I could have spoken to them.

@Eyerollcentral blow your head off

Sorry but that is so funny 😂😂😂😂😂😂 and dramatic

It’s a bit of weed, get a grip! Vaping & nicotine are worse

Yeah the explosion of teenage cannabis psychosis in the last ten years is totes hilar 🤣🤣🤣🤣 how old are you? The skunk now is so much more potent than what people of 40ish smoked as teenagers or at university as to be a totally different drug. But then you sound so juvenile so I wouldn’t expect you to understand that context 🤣🤣🤷‍♀️

The girl brought illegal drugs into the OP’s house, and everyone is acting like OP is the bad guy here
Two wrongs dont make a right.
Would you be happy with someone rummaging through your pockets or bag or would you think they had crossed a line?
There's ways and means of dealing with teenagers. Going through someone pockets to prove a point isn't one of them.

What is mostly used weed? It gets ground up and smoked, I don’t know what you think mostly used weed is, ash?

It's weed not fucking crack. Get a grip.

You’re so condescending, I still smoke skunk to this day as it helps me sleep when I was at uni we all did ket & coke so f off with your ‘so juvenile’ bs

As condescending as the previous poster was to me and yeah you sound really stable with your aggressive response. F off yourself. A great many of us have done many drugs, you aren’t special. Doesn’t mean we think it’s a great idea for teenagers to be smoking the current potency

I wasn’t implying it’s special but 💯 this person is naive by their comment & it is ridiculous given how many 40 somethings spent most of 90’s off their t*on ecstasy or coke etc

Do you think maybe they might know what they are talking about then?