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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Picked niece over me

170 replies

sas90 · 12/03/2023 18:51

As the title says. We have been together for a few years and have 2 young children together. We have not had the best relationship obv due to having kids, pressures of working and everything being left to me. Anyway his niece who he gets on with and always texts her. Never like this with me. I asked tonight one of those stupid questions, if me and your niece was left on an island and you would only save one who would it be? And of course he said the niece. I think it hurt me more than I thought it would. My own fault for asking I suppose

OP posts:
rwalker · 12/03/2023 20:14

MichelleScarn · 12/03/2023 19:02

Exactly, and he probably couldn't be arsed with the drama llama-ness of such a childish question, so said this answer because the question is so annoyingly attention seeking!

Show quote history

This exactly

Zanatdy · 12/03/2023 20:15

Why are people making inferences that there’s some incest going on because an uncle gets on really well with his niece? Maybe he was around a lot when she was growing up etc and he see’s her in a daughter like way. Either way it’s a bit much trying to suggest something sexual is going on. If the relationship is not great then I can see why the OP is a bit jealous over that. Maybe it was a silly question but no need for everyone to jump on her like this.

GrasstrackGirl · 12/03/2023 20:17

I fully understand why he chose his niece.

Cocobutt · 12/03/2023 20:18

Grow up.

Doesthepopeshitinthewoods · 12/03/2023 20:19

Zanatdy · 12/03/2023 20:15

Why are people making inferences that there’s some incest going on because an uncle gets on really well with his niece? Maybe he was around a lot when she was growing up etc and he see’s her in a daughter like way. Either way it’s a bit much trying to suggest something sexual is going on. If the relationship is not great then I can see why the OP is a bit jealous over that. Maybe it was a silly question but no need for everyone to jump on her like this.

I thought that was the heavy inference?

WalkingOnTheCracks · 12/03/2023 20:20

It's really not fair the way everyone is having a go at the OP just because she's..

...oh hang on...

...yeah. Okay. As you were...

AcrossthePond55 · 12/03/2023 20:21

At least he picked a human being! My DH would save the dog!

Seriously, ask a loaded question, get an explosive answer. And if you feel that your marriage is 'not the best' and 'everything is being left' to you, don't ask a foolish question, have a serious conversation.

Cocobutt · 12/03/2023 20:31

Is it just me or have there been a lot of childish threads over the past few days?!

Doesthepopeshitinthewoods · 12/03/2023 20:31

Cocobutt · 12/03/2023 20:31

Is it just me or have there been a lot of childish threads over the past few days?!

Weekend, innit.

TheBeesKnee · 12/03/2023 20:31

Next you should ask him if he'd still love you if you was a worm.

Fifi0000 · 12/03/2023 20:32

I'd choose the niece as well you sound insufferable. It's a question you would ask when you are 12 not 34.

JudgeRudy · 12/03/2023 20:33

What? I'd have answered exactly the same for asking stupid questions...no, not stupid...loaded.
You've said obviously your relationship isn't great because you have children and jobs. Most people do. It's not obvious at all.
What do you want from this post? About as much as you expected/got from your stupid desertvisland question.
Yourw not secure in your relationship. You feel he's too close to his niece. This could be for 2 reasons. You're a generally insecure person with low self esteem. Do you have bpd?
Or maybe your relationship ISNT secure and you're picking up perfectly well that he's just not into you
Both need action. If you carry on doing what youvecalways done, you'll get what you've always got.

Idontpostmuch · 12/03/2023 20:34

This is clearly hurtful for you. I'm sure you know this, but we're not the people you should be talking to about this. Some posters are just enjoying being hurtful while the rest of us want to help but can't possibly be of much use. You have to talk to your partner and explain how you feel. Good luck and I hope you get some peace of mind soon.

Thefaceofboe · 12/03/2023 20:38

Sorry you sound weird, why on earth would you want reassurance over whether he’d pick you over his niece??

LuluLehman · 12/03/2023 20:38

Eyerollcentral · 12/03/2023 20:02

You sound incredibly jealous. If your partner is the same age as you there is only 5 years between your partner and his niece. They are like brother and sister. My youngest brother and oldest niece are about the same age apart. This is the same as the totally normal relationship they have. If my brother’s partner behaved like you I would laugh in her face and strongly encourage him to end the relationship. But she wouldn’t, because she isn’t absolutely mad. As others have said play stupid games win stupid prizes

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But wouldn’t a sensitive partner reassure his dh of his loyalty to her? She may be insecure for many reasons and be someone who just needs her partner’s support more at some times than others.

MoreSleepPleasee · 12/03/2023 20:38

If she is close to your age is she close to his age? Did they grow up more like siblings? I'd pick anyone of my neices or nephews over a partner. If there's a house fire I know who's hand I'm grabbing to get out and in the nicest possible way it's not a boyfriend.

Meowandthen · 12/03/2023 20:38

sas90 · 12/03/2023 18:59

Together 8 years and no I'm not jealous so stick that in your pipe and smoke it.

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Your attitude explains why he chose his niece…

Mirabai · 12/03/2023 20:39

So - why is everything being left to you in this relationship?

What does he contribute? Have he and his female relative always been close?

Meowandthen · 12/03/2023 20:40

Cocobutt · 12/03/2023 20:31

Is it just me or have there been a lot of childish threads over the past few days?!

🍷🍺🍹 at a generous guess

BellePeppa · 12/03/2023 20:42

I think I’d choose your niece as well, you don’t come across very well 😯

LuluLehman · 12/03/2023 20:44

Donnashair · 12/03/2023 19:33

You clearly are jealous.

You are jealous that in a hypothetical situation he said he would pick his niece.

You are jealous that he messages his niece.

So what if she is jealous? Why is that a problem to you?

ThePoshUns · 12/03/2023 20:44

What a ridiculous question. How old are you?

JudgeRudy · 12/03/2023 20:45

Rewind20Years · 12/03/2023 19:28

If you asked him, His niece or his children and he said niece, i would understand

But Niece or Partner
Surely alot of people would say there blood relative , especially if they were very close to them

No, I don't think most people would agree with that. There's partner and there's BF. I would expect a partner or spouse to be way more significant than any relative other than children - so definitely above parents, siblings, cousins, nibblings etc

CoffeeLover90 · 12/03/2023 20:46

MissLucyLiu · 12/03/2023 19:05

If I was a hdmi cable will you still love me?

why do people ask stupid questions like this

You are the reason MN needs a like button 😂brilliant

JudgeRudy · 12/03/2023 20:46

Kranke · 12/03/2023 19:42

From your replies, I’d agree with him - I’d save the niece too!

Shame this one doesn't have voting.