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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Picked niece over me

170 replies

sas90 · 12/03/2023 18:51

As the title says. We have been together for a few years and have 2 young children together. We have not had the best relationship obv due to having kids, pressures of working and everything being left to me. Anyway his niece who he gets on with and always texts her. Never like this with me. I asked tonight one of those stupid questions, if me and your niece was left on an island and you would only save one who would it be? And of course he said the niece. I think it hurt me more than I thought it would. My own fault for asking I suppose

OP posts:
Ceryneianhind · 12/03/2023 19:05

sas90 · 12/03/2023 19:01

Your asking how old I am and your username is a bit of a p take

Show quote history

It was a stupid question though

GooglyEyeballs · 12/03/2023 19:06

Why did you ask him that OP it seems like you opened a can of drama for literally no reason

saltinesandcoffeecups · 12/03/2023 19:06

ChannelyourinnerElsa · 12/03/2023 18:59

Don’t ask questions you don’t want the answer to.

and how old are you? What a ridiculous thing to ask.

My DH and I both came into our relationships with a cat each. We both always said we’d never ask the question who you would choose me or your cat. I don’t think either of us would have been pleased with the answer.

And yeah we’re coming up on 20 years now, so I think there is a lesson in this statement for the OP.

Anotherturnipforthebooks · 12/03/2023 19:06

Why is it obvious that you haven't had a good relationship just because you have kids and jobs?

AnneLovesGilbert · 12/03/2023 19:07

Anotherturnipforthebooks · 12/03/2023 19:06

Why is it obvious that you haven't had a good relationship just because you have kids and jobs?

Indeed.

And why are you jealous of his niece?

FurAndFeathers · 12/03/2023 19:07

Tbf if you’re as antagonistic and rude to your partner as you are to posters on this thread, I’m unsurprised be chose the niece.

you sound like a nightmare

saltinesandcoffeecups · 12/03/2023 19:07

HanSB · 12/03/2023 19:04

Well at first the word niece makes you think of a child but in this case it’s someone who is nearly the same age as you so I don’t think it’s unreasonable to be annoyed at his answer and the close relationship between them

This is a really odd statement… exactly what are you saying here?

BelindaBears · 12/03/2023 19:07

Why on earth would you ask him that question? If DH asked me that I’d probably deliberately say someone else because it’s such a ridiculous question in the first place.

GodSaveTheClean · 12/03/2023 19:08

If I asked my DH that question he’d deliberately choose whoever else was an option. That’s his humour.

If the niece wasn’t of adult age would you be worried?

MrsTerryPratchett · 12/03/2023 19:08

The issue is not the niece, it's your relationship. Which sounds shit. So ask if he wants to work on that and work out if you want to work on it. If you both do, great. If you don't break up.

Weallgottachangesometime · 12/03/2023 19:08

Why would you ask this question about his niece specifically and not someone else?

Is he older than you? Was she the first baby in the family?

sounds like an odd conversation

DDivaStar · 12/03/2023 19:09

I'm not sure why you would expect not uk have s good relationship because you have kids.

And you state in your op he texts her sbd gives her more attention than you, so yes you sound jealous.

furryfrontbottom · 12/03/2023 19:09

In his place I would have said the niece, purely out of annoyance at being asked such a daft question. If you ask silly questions you get silly answers and if you ask hypothetical questions you will get hypothetical answers which tell you nothing about how the person would, in fact, decide.

Bamboux · 12/03/2023 19:10

I also don't understand why you would ask this question.

BakedTattie · 12/03/2023 19:10

Judging by your replies and attitude here, I’d probably pick his niece too 😂

amylou8 · 12/03/2023 19:12

I'm going with the niece too, you sound like hard work.

ChannelyourinnerElsa · 12/03/2023 19:12

sas90 · 12/03/2023 19:04

Just let it go

Show quote history

Ahhh. You meant irony, not a “piss take”.

Icecreamandapplepie · 12/03/2023 19:12

Woe, people ate being really anyah9nistiv 8n their responses and deliberately ignoring everything else you've said.

He contacts his niece more than his partner? Doesn't help with his own children?

I can see why you asked a silly question and you must be understandably annoyed and insecure.

His priorities are all wrong and he should be putting his family before his grown niece. Wierd he's not.

AllOfThemWitches · 12/03/2023 19:13

Tbh it does seem an odd relationship with his niece.

sparepantsandtoothbrush · 12/03/2023 19:14

Oo oo ask him if he'd piss on you if you were on fire next

You say you're not jealous of her but clearly you are. Your relationship sounds crap though. Do you really think every relationship that has kids and jobs involved is crap?

countvoncount · 12/03/2023 19:14

I think I'd choose the niece too.
#teamniece

pawz · 12/03/2023 19:14

BakedTattie · 12/03/2023 19:10

Judging by your replies and attitude here, I’d probably pick his niece too 😂

Exactly what I was thinking 😂

Tbh it's a long trip to an island from under a bridge!

Emmamoo89 · 12/03/2023 19:15

What a weird question to ask 😕

PartingGift · 12/03/2023 19:15

It was a weird question. You were basically asking him to choose you over his niece to make you feel wanted. He didn't and now you're hurt.

You fuck about, you find out.

But if you're not jealous of his relationship with his niece, then what is the problem?

Doesn't sound like you are happy with the relationship in general. If everything is left to you anyway, then what's stopping you from leaving?

TheChosenTwo · 12/03/2023 19:17

I’d choose his niece too, she’s probably less prickly and uptight!

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