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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask dh to take all 4 kids out?

377 replies

Sertralina · 12/03/2023 11:15

We have 4 kids all very young still.

He goes away for work a few times a year for a week. On his "work" trips he also takes the opportunity to have a few nights out, meet friends and family and have a bit of a social blow out (all paid for on expenses). I'm 100% fine with this. If I was working and had the opportunity I'd dot the same, and I'd rather he got it out his system. Although it IS technically work it's also a really nice time, usually his work have paid for some fancy events and parties as well so he often gets a posh hotel and nice dinners etc.

HOWEVER I am at home alone with 4 kids, it's hard work and by the time he's home I'm knackered and running on empty. He usually arrives home on a Saturday.

AIBU to expect him to at least take the kids out on the Sunday so I get a break, and for him to put his needs second today?

I've asked him (a week ago) to take them all out today and let me have a day off. He replied with "yeh I'll take them to park for a couple hours" to which I said um no, take them somewhere for the whole day. I want a full day off. If I can have them all for a week on my own he can surely manage 1 single day. Its 11am and although he has reluctantly agreed, he's now decided he's taking a shower. So then the kids will need lunch....so they won't be leaving till this afternoon.

Surely it's not so much to ask for him to of got them up and out this morning so I can have a proper break. I've not showered since the night before he left...but he's been in a hotel on his own for a week and presumably had a nice relaxing shower daily....I just feel very resentful that I'm sat looking after the kids while he has another shower so he can finally go out with the children, presumable after I've made everyone lunch.

AIBU to expect more of him and to be angry about this?

OP posts:
Teaismymiddlename · 13/03/2023 18:05

I am absolutely gobsmacked at the amount of women on here telling you that you are unreasonable and he should be able to stay at home with them all day.
Nope.
Having testicles doesn't make you unable to entertain your own children out of the house for the day to give you're wife a break when you've been off having a jolly for a week.

In fact I'd be asking him to do it every bloody sunday.

Presumable he wanted children too.

Why oh why is the bar still set so bloody low for men with parenting their own children.

Can presumable hold down a successful job he travels and organises himself for but can't take 4 kids out for 6 hours.

Fuck me, give it a break.

Tell him to stop being a lazy fucker and to get his head out his ass and get on with it

Novatherova · 13/03/2023 18:07

Not being unreasonable whatsoever.

I'm the main provider because my DP works very very weird unsocial hours, days off cancelled last minute, holidays denied.

We work on the provision take him out of the equation in terms of day to day life.

However on his days off he's asleep until 11 and then the gym for 2 hours.

I never get a break or any help. Don't be like that.

Divorcedalongtime · 13/03/2023 18:08

I think you need to take yourself out for the whole day but that it would BU to demand the dad take the kids out for an entire day.

Poppingmad123 · 13/03/2023 18:11

I would also just go out first thing as agreed or better still take a week off for yourself somewhere nice too once a year so he really gets to understand how it is for you. You’ve every right to be angry but I think you’re going about it wrong by not sticking to your own plans.

LovelyIssues · 13/03/2023 18:12

Yanbu

Clarabell77 · 13/03/2023 18:20

Agree with those saying you go out and leave him home with the kids. Although you take them out you’re more used to it and can always return home if you want.

Lolalady · 13/03/2023 18:23

You are totally not being unreasonable - if he can go off for a week at a time and leave you with4 young children then surely he can equally give you a break. However I agree that taking 4 young children out for a whole day could be unrealistic. Have you a friend who would go with you on a spa break ? Just tell him it’s all booked and go! I’ll bet when you come back he will appreciate what it’s like for you and hopefully be more willing to give you some down time.

Mumof32017 · 13/03/2023 18:27

Retrievemysanity · 12/03/2023 11:33

If the kids are really young then taking 4 out all day is quite a task. I would arrange lunch and cinema date with a friend or something and leave DH at home.

What? She has to manage as do other parents.

Hmm1234 · 13/03/2023 18:31

YABU to think that you can’t ask just one day of this from the person you share children with :(

Tomorrowillbeachicken · 13/03/2023 18:45

They are his kids too. He needs to pull his weight

zombie0037 · 13/03/2023 18:46

Poor you, it's not like he's at home all day in the week twiddling his thumbs, he's going to work earning the money paying for your life style, maybe get a part time job yourself, and give yourself a break that way.

Ceryneianhind · 13/03/2023 18:46

Yes I could go out but then he'll just sit them in front of the TV

So you want to dictate that he takes care of the dc (not unreasonable) but what he does and where he does it (totally unreasonable)

RollOnJune23 · 13/03/2023 18:47

Mumof32017 · 13/03/2023 18:27

What? She has to manage as do other parents.

Show quote history

How many parents take four small children out for the full day though? Except for a trip to Legoland or something.
Looking after 4 children for the day is different to looking after them and not being able to return home at some point! OP could/should book a night in a hotel for herself. I did this a few times when dc were small and would heartily recommend it.

Hodnett32 · 13/03/2023 18:49

On his next scheduled trip book the weekend BEFORE as time off for you. Go to a spa, see mates, whatever is your thing. Take one or two nights away. He'll be able to manage it if a) he's had sufficient time to plan it and b) it's not after he had a lovely time working and partying all week.

KateKateLee · 13/03/2023 18:53

Book a weekend away and just leave him to it. Go relax and enjoy yourself. If he manages a few trips away a year and you look after them alone, he can manage a weekend. If he complains say it’s a work trip you are scouting activities and locations for the kids.

Ladyfrog59 · 13/03/2023 18:54

He's for sure cheating on you.

GoodChat · 13/03/2023 18:54

Ladyfrog59 · 13/03/2023 18:54

He's for sure cheating on you.

How have you worked that out?

cantbebothered101 · 13/03/2023 19:02

God some people on here are absolute b*hes and so flippin sanctimonious!! Of course you are entitled to a day off. Staying at home with 4 young children is so much harder than going out to work and in this instance going on a nice work trip. And remember the kids are his too!! . If I were you I would mark out a day a month which is yours. Hope you have a nice break today.

Thatboymum · 13/03/2023 19:08

Sertralina · 12/03/2023 11:41

Why though? Why is in unreasonable for him to take them all out?

Show quote history

Because it’s not about him It’s about the kids, they should be able to return to their own home when they need to. It makes much more sense for the one adult to leave the home than 4 small kids

T1Dmama · 13/03/2023 19:09

Why would you not shower for a week?? Surely you can shower after kids are in bed or before they get up?

I personally would’ve got in the shower this morning and left him sat on sofa with kids, and then got ready and gone out… or once he was showered I’d tell him kids needed lunch and go and get yourself in shower while he sorted them.

but honestly my ex worked away 9 months a year and when he was home he was on ‘holiday’…… I’ve never had a day off in 12 years. Lol

Sorryyoufeelthatway · 13/03/2023 19:16

I don’t get the not showering ffs! Get a grip.

inamarina · 13/03/2023 19:16

Ladyfrog59 · 13/03/2023 18:54

He's for sure cheating on you.

What?!

AllyArty · 13/03/2023 19:22

I was in a similar situation and I understand how u long for a day off. However I think if would be hard for him to stay out all day with them. If he takes them out in the morning and comes home after lunch and you leave the house before they return and stay out for the afternoon/evening- would that be enough of a break for you?

MrBof2 · 13/03/2023 19:32

You are totally unreasonable for thinking you are being unreasonable….!
The first time, set up a day trip for him and do all the home work so he’s ready and the experience is not a disaster. The second time do a little less and the third he is totally empowered. The kids will enjoy the experience and be asking to do it more frequently.
I understand everyone saying just leave, and although I completely get that reaction and it would be hilarious to be a fly in the wall for the initial panic it’s not productive or beneficial in the long term.

I know plenty of guys who deep down lack confidence managing their own kids because they are away so often. Build him up and you can then have the house to yourself.
child free house, Long baths and music of your own her we come.

Ap42 · 13/03/2023 19:44

You sound awfully resentful. I would be seriously pissed off if I had worked away all week to to then be kicked out of own home with all the kids. Of course your entitled to a break, but its much easier for you to leave the house than it is for the other 5 members of your family.
I'm a single parent, I don't get the not having a shower for a week! It takes 5 mins.

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