To be fucked off about nursery fees

[Ladyrantalot]

So, here we are, DH and I slaving away full time, paying a grand a month for nursery until our ‘free’ hours kicked in after 2 years. Put off having DC2 because we didn’t have the money to have 2 in nursery at once.

By comparison, my sis who doesn’t work and hasn’t since she quit her job on her first maternity leave 4 years ago, also has 30 free hours despite the fact she’s at home, has no intention of working in the next few years and doesn’t need it 🤷🏼‍♀️

AIBU to find the way us full-time-but-just-over-the-threshold workers are treated fucking maddening? We’re mugs aren’t we? And other people have the nerve to tell us we’re ‘lucky to be working’, yeah right.

The only person this is affecting is you and your poor kids. Not randomers on the internet who are going to go away from this thread at some point and never remember it.

Yet you will still be there, in years to come, resenting your SIL, and your poor kids will be affected by your negativity.

This is so ludicrously goady I don't actually believe that you really think it

Because it isn’t 15 hours free childcare- it’s 15 hours (for 39 weeks of the year) education. Shall your sister’s children also not be allowed to go to school because she doesn’t work?

Total arse. I'm a SAHM studying an MSc currently, looking to dive back into the working world. My daughter is entitled to free hours. I'll be a better role model than you any day, you know, not being a judgemental twat

I'm paying for them for everyone, by paying tax. My children are all adults. So by your logic, I shouldn't be paying for your children to go to nursery/pre-school, or for your SAHM sister's children to go to nursery/pre-school. Yet I am.

Because saving to have your own biological children is time limited by age. Holidays, cars and houses are not time limited.

I didn't say any of those things 🤣

For what it's worth you haven't hit a nerve with me. My husband and I both work full time and use nursery plus are very fortunate to have family help with childcare.

I just very strongly believe that children should not be disadvantaged educationally due to income.

I also could never slate my sister on an Internet forum and openly admit that I want my niece/nephew to be worse off than my children.

I agree OP and I'm not sure why you're getting so much stick.

I work full time, as does my husband. We're not entitled to the 30 hours until our little one turns 3 but do claim the tax free childcare. It really, really grates on me when children have free childcare when the parent chooses NOT to work.

The free hours should be an incentive to work. Not for those who choose not to.

Yes they do, Scottish tax bands www.gov.uk/scottish-income-tax

English tax bands www.gov.uk/income-tax-rates

You’re so narrow minded, you just want a rant about people on benefits which you probably believe are all work shy scroungers (absolute rubbish btw). Not that it’s relevant but my husband pays more in tax than some people earn in a year so one person contributes more than 2 in some cases so my kids were absolutely entitled to their 15 hours

IT IS NOT FREE CHILDCARE!

It is 15 hours of preschool education (offered over 39 weeks, like a school year).

OP hasn't confirmed she is in Scotland!

If you really think they're 'nice to haves' and not important for a child's development and education then you need to educate yourself more.

If you really think it's only the wealthy that can pay for these things that should get them then there's actually something wrong with your way of thinking.

Your anger is directed at the wrong people.
Your financial struggles and other people getting childcare is completely unrelated. They are not to blame for your struggles.

Start aiming your anger at the people who could actually do something about it. You do realise that this is what governments want. People fighting against each other and not them. Think about that.

Perhaps parents should take their children to groups or play settings that are usually free/low cost if they are genuinely concerned about socialising. I can never access these cheap offers as I work full time. That way, nursery could then be used for those who genuinely need it!

Ha ha ha.
There is no English govt for a start, so that’s not possible.

Whether she is in Scotland or not - generally; there is a better social safety net in Scotland.

Perhaps they should.

But lots don’t. They’re not ‘concerned’ about their child not socialising. It’s not even on their radar. The free preschool education (at 2 if needed, at 3 for everyone) is to give children born to parents with shit parenting skills a fighting chance.

OP, I was bitter like you when I was a single mum, working FT in a stressful job, over 1:30 commute, kids in nursery 7 to 5pm and life was just a whirlwind of rushing and exhaustion. All this to be just about £100 a month better off than my single friends on benefits.

I couldn't have given my job though. I get what you mean by pride. For me it was principles. I'd been brought up to be self reliant and if I could do it, at whatever the cost, that's what I had to do.

Now in my 50s, kids at Uni, 3 promotions later because bosses did admire my commitment, I have a good income. I will be able to retire at 60 with a very decent pension. My kids have a fantastic work ethic having been used to long full days. They are doing amazingly well. My life is so much less stressful than my friends who were on benefits for as long as they could, but then had to face their income drop significant when kids left home, faced with having to work FT which seems a mountain ro climb to them because they have never worked long hours. Who know they will have to work until 67 or 68, all this for a limited pension, no security of home ownership etc...

I would I do the same again. In a heartbeat. Life is a gamble. You can take the easier route and hope you hit the jackpot or you can see your hard work as an investment and hope it pays. It does almost always.

@Ladyrantalot
Firstly, you are only entitled to 30 free hours of both parents work or you are a single parent. Everyone is entitled to 15 when their child turns 3 to help child development. You seem to be ignoring all the posts that say this.

You are absolutely 100% wrong that a household where one person works can't pay more tax than a household where 2 work. I work and DH is a SAHP, I earn more than most (if not all) of my couple friends where both work, sometimes double or treble what they earn therefore I pay more tax than them. In fact, even if they earned the same as I do as a couple they would pay significantly less tax than I do because they have access to double the allowances and lower tax bands.
I'm lucky to have a very well paid job and I have no problem paying more tax than a couple who earn the same but it doesn't change the fact that I do pay more tax.

If you were both earning more you would be able to afford nursery fees and your mortgage and bills. Bankers, lawyers, surgeons etc all manage it, and pay more tax.

Why do you feel entitled to have them subsidise your free hours or lower nursery fees just because you only earn just over the ‘cut off’ for help?!

I'll echo what other people have already done. The 15 free hours is for the benefit of the child, not your sister. The majority of 4 year olds start school having already had experience of a childcare setting, be it preschool, nursery or a childminder. Good childcare settings will ensure that the preschoolers can do things like use the toilet by themselves, get changed, are used to following instructions, put their coats on. Not every parent helps their children learn these things, even though they should. All things that ideally children should be able to do before they start school. This helps the children, but also the reception staff. If every child starting reception can already do these things then this frees the staff up to do other things. This helps every child in the class! I don't understand why you resent this. You sound very privileged as you don't realise the extent of deprivation in this country and what some children's lives are like.

Why are you so angry about your sister getting childcare, how on earth does it possibly impact your life? I am not a mother so have never had childcare but I have also never moaned about other people getting it.

Well there's another argument. I wonder how OP feels about people who have no kids paying for her free childcare and child benefit? 🤔

My child is starting school soon so the years of paying for nursery should be behind us however in order to keep up my career and having very little family support I had to put child in nursery from before they were 1 and then worked 4 days a week.

A lot of friends stayed home until there child was 2 and then planed on working after then. A local government scheme was launched giving 2 year old funding to all parents with the discretion of the heath visitors to those who they thought needed the most. My friends were then given 15 hours free funding from 2 as their children weren't previously attending nursery, some of them with partners earning double what mine did but we were denied the funding because my child was already in nursery so we were deemed as being able to afford it.

I am still a bit upset about this as almost as there was just a few children including mine at the nursery that didn't received this funding.

@FoxInSocksSatOnBlocks

I don't think you can claim any kind of moral highground.

You're as bad as the op.

I take it you homeschool? And have no extra curricular activities for your kids?

How does your oh feel knowing someone else is raising his kids for years on end?